Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

can't afford too keep up with friends

42 replies

wheresmymillionaire · 29/04/2021 15:34

Basically, I'm feeling "poor me".

We are financially broke since covid struck, and have had to drastically change our lifestyle in order to keep the house. (we have an autistic child doing GCSE's so a house move is to be avoided if at all possible).
The trouble is, now things are starting to open up, I can't keep up with the lifestyle my friends (and I used to) keep. I can't expect my friends to not do anything, but I'm not going to able to join in.

How do people cope with this situation? I can't be the only one to have this situation??

OP posts:
ElderMillennial · 29/04/2021 16:40

But if you can't then it's fine to say you can't or that things are a little tight this month.

OneRingToRuleThemAll · 29/04/2021 16:40

Maybe they are living beyond their means and they would welcome a conversation about cutting back. It would take the pressure off all round.

Original poster
wheresmymillionaire · 29/04/2021 16:42

Ah, I haven't explained properly.

My friends do know our financial situation, and are being suitably supportive.

It's just that after a few drinks, talk turns to travel, schools (which my dd is having to leave) and trips out to concerts / shows.
You're right, it is about me having to adjust to our new lifestyle.

OP posts:
ElderMillennial · 29/04/2021 16:42

You could invite them to yours for a coffee and maybe they would reciprocate - it may be cheaper than going out.

SwimBaby · 29/04/2021 16:46

Is it not just about friends but also big lifestyle changes?

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 29/04/2021 16:46

Your true friends will adapt, yes there will be things you can’t do but don’t let it get you down, don’t try and keep up for risk of any further detriment to your finances

PandaLady · 30/04/2021 07:15

Big changes in your financial situation are really hard op. They take some getting used to, for sure.

I have been perennially poor Grin but have a close group of friends who know that our social meets have to be cheap. They go on ski holidays with each other and when we are together, conversation quite naturally turns to holidays, house improvements, private school etc.

I won't lie and say that it doesn't affect me. I can't join in so for one thing it is a bit boring and it also sometimes gives me status anxiety on behalf of my kids.

But mostly I just sit it out and try to join in where I can in the conversation.

We all have vastly different lives but one thing I have is a very happy marriage and an easy relationship with my three kids which not all of my friends have, so I remind myself that I am well off, just not financially.

SunIsComing · 30/04/2021 07:31

Why is your dd having to leave school?

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 30/04/2021 07:34

@SunIsComing

Why is your dd having to leave school?
Take a guess
Fizbosshoes · 30/04/2021 07:40

I live in a fairly affluent area where most people (or their partner) seem to work in corporate law and finance. They all have far higher disposable income than me (and better social lives and more holidays)
But I still meet friends for a walk/coffee/run/occassional meal out (pre covid) and miss out the more expensive things like a school charity ball for example.
If i only had friends in the same income bracket as me, I dont think I would have any!

StayingHere · 30/04/2021 07:43

What kind of expensive things are they doing?! My closest friends and I have all been through periods of being skint - we just tell each other and then find something to do that everyone can afford.

beachsidecafe · 30/04/2021 08:00

That is really hard op.

They will continue as before, but now you are going to feel painfully aware that you can no longer afford it. It is particularly hard moving your child out of the same school. My guess is that they will carry on talking about the school, holidays in the same way regardless, not because they don't care but because what else would they talk about. If that is the usual topic of conversation.

I won't lie, I think it will be very hard to bite back that feeling particularly once you have moved schools. If they are very close friends, you could continue seeing them in a different way. Dinner at your house, ask them to bring the wine. Picnics etc. But the only real way forward is honesty and acceptance on your part. I am sorry you are going through this, and no you won't be the only one. It has affected so many people.

Original poster
wheresmymillionaire · 30/04/2021 10:02

Gawd - I've just noticed the typo in the thread title. Oops. Apologies to the spelling police!

Thank you everyone. I know we've been lucky in the past, but adjusting is harder than I thought.

OP posts:
Purplewithred · 30/04/2021 10:08

Sometimes it's hard. my lifestyle drastically changed when I remarried and changed jobs, and I have lost touch with a few friends as a result as we no longer have much in common (and that's me rejecting them as much as them rejecting me). It is important to be honest - I've a couple of friends who just don't understand that for me to get a train to London and pay £35 for a glass of average wine and a couple of plates of tapas just isn't something I can do any more.

I am sad that I've lost some of the freedom and fun money bought me, but what will be will be and there are still many good things in life to enjoy.

Brieminewine · 30/04/2021 10:30

I think it’s more about you than them. They sound happy to meet for cheapy activities but you’re having FOMO when they do things you can’t afford.

jesusmaryjosephandtheweedonkey · 30/04/2021 10:40

I get what you are saying op .
You need to get your head around your situation.
It's a big change for you.

My financial situation completely changed due to covid.
All savings, except £80 have been used to keep us going.
Luckily I do have my job to go back to in may.
When things started opening up and friends started making plans, I was just completely honest with them.
We have money for essentials only for at least 12 months.
We are available for park, beach , walks , gardens and bbqs. Galleries and museums.
Window shopping and coffee mornings.
They all understand and we have plans made for days.

beachsidecafe · 30/04/2021 11:30

You are not your finances op. You have far more to give than travel plans and theatre trips. I am sure you give your friendships far more that.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page