To not know how to cut friendship ties in this digital age?!

[Totalbeach]

I had a very close friend - I'll call her Lucy. Lucy and I were very close to the extent we'd talk on the phone every day, message constantly and get together regularly. We'd celebrate birthdays, look after each other's children (and were fond of them) and send gifts at Christmas to the whole family. We told each other everything, including private things and laughed together so much.

Lucy went off me a few years ago. It coincided with her getting a new partner. I gently asked her about it a few times as at first I was really confused about not hearing from her for extended periods of time. She always said sorry sorry, it's me, life is just so hectic, I feel so bad etc. I tried not to be too clingy but my feelings were hurt. I could see from social media that she was making time for other friends. The space between us just continued to grow and eventually I withdrew a little to protect myself as I'd text her and get no reply for weeks, call and get no answer and she kept cancelling plans, often at the last minute.

So the long and the short of it is that we're not really friends anymore, which is sad but ok, life goes that way. I haven't seen her for 3 years now and although we were down to birthday cards, we've had two family birthdays this year and no cards from her. So I still don't know what happened, but it's done.

But - we're still connected on all social media and I find it really weird and awkward! She's also connected to my partner and my eldest child. She never, ever comments on what we post but I find it weird that she can see and that I can see what she posts. I could block her from seeing my updates on Facebook and ask my DP as well but don't want to involve my child, who still thinks of Lucy fondly and looks up to her. I use social media extensively for my work and she can see everything I post on other channels as there's no way of hiding her. So - should I block her? I feel like I'm about 12 doing that! And it also feels sort of spiteful - and maybe a bit final? But equally I hate that she can just snoop on my life without ever bothering to contact me.

YABU: Don't block her just crack on with your life.
YANBU: Cut those ties! Just block her and crack on with your life.

If it's just FB then unfriend totally. I'm not sure how the other platforms work. I am sorry this happened.
Social Media is a funny one. Ghosts of friendships past all there lurking!

I think that you are overthinkng this. Why would she want to snoop on your life? Plenty of people are connected on social media with old friends, people they used to work with, old uni buddies etc.

Peoples lives do change and friendships change, it doesn't mean you have to completely remove them from everything!

You could just filter her off of your posts and unfollow her, that way you won't see anything of each other's but she won't know.

I'd just unfriend, but not necessarily block her. It's up to Dh to do the same though. He may not care either way. What age is your child?

Bear in mind too that FB and other forms of social media use algorithms to filter your content based on those accounts that you interact regularly with - if she doesn't comment on anything, chances are she isn't even seeing it.

I have same situation here, and feel the same.....watching with interest!

Chances she's seeing all of your posts are incredibly unlikely if she isn't interacting on them. I have people I'm friends with on Facebook that I never see posts from because we never interact with each other.

Obviously seeing her posts seem to really bother you. Do you visit her profile often? Could be why you're seeing a lot of her updates as Facebook algorithm will think your interest in her posts. If you don't want to see anymore of her posts but unsure about unfriending her you could unfollow her or 'take a break' where Facebook will filter out her posts from your news feed.

Click "unfollow" or whatever on fb so that you won't see her stuff.

There will then be a way that you can stop her seeing your new posts, but remain friends; I can't remember exactly how but it's quite easy.

Ask your husband to do the same, but you're right, don't involve your child.

It is probable that she is not seeing the posts due to algorithms. I wouldn't worry about her "snooping"; it doesn't sound like she is that interested. So yes, limit what she can see, but don't cut all ties. It's to final and there's not really any need for it.

It is a bit rubbish, but these things do happen, people drift apart. Just rise above it, don't let yourself appear childish by deleting her.

@MustBeTheWine

Chances she's seeing all of your posts are incredibly unlikely if she isn't interacting on them. I have people I'm friends with on Facebook that I never see posts from because we never interact with each other.

Obviously seeing her posts seem to really bother you. Do you visit her profile often? Could be why you're seeing a lot of her updates as Facebook algorithm will think your interest in her posts. If you don't want to see anymore of her posts but unsure about unfriending her you could unfollow her or 'take a break' where Facebook will filter out her posts from your news feed.

It used to bother me a lot seeing her catching up with friends, gushing about adoring friends' children (we don't really have mutual friends etc but just in general). The sting has gone now but it makes me feel a little sad.

I must admit I have her hidden so I dont follow her on Facebook but do sometimes go and have a look out of... I don't know. Curiosity? Nostalgia? I do have her on other platforms and I know she uses software to see who unfollows her on the platforms where that's possible so she'd probably get an alert, which is why I've never done it.

Just unfriend her

DRIP FEED! Sorry. I didn't think about it but talking it over has helped me pinpoint why I'm uncomfortable. I think part of the problem is from knowing her so well for years and knowing how much time she spends on social media and how she uses it. For example, she's the kind of person who stalked exes and exes new partners online (lightheartedly/nosily) and even friends from her past - to the extent of sending me screenshots and commenting on them. For example her ex's wife left him and was posting about the reasons on Instagram and she was hooked! And she'd tell me about friends from her past and then screenshot saying 'This is the girl I was telling you about' etc.

I'm pretty ruthless on Facebook and delete everyone l no longer see. But many off my friends have hundreds of people on Thier friends I'm sure she is not looking bat your posts. If they pop up she probably just scrolls by. I would just leave it

You and your dh could unfriend her on fb, it's a bit harder with your dc. I'd do that. If she looks you up on other platforms there's nothing you can do, except change your privacy settings where that's an option

Unfriend and move on. I’m sorry this happened. Lucy doesn’t sound very nice

You can change the privacy settings on your posts so she won't see them (she'll still see when you change your profile pic as that's public). That way she'll still think you're friends but assume you just don't post much

click to unfollow her and put her in the 'restricted' category so she won't see anything of yours. It's a bit like unfriending but less brutal

I’d block her I think- partly because of her potentially taking screenshots of your profile. Mostly so that you’re not tempted to look at her profile and make yourself feel sad. I’ve done similar in the past.