Struggling with mentally unwell relative, does anybody else have a severely unwell family member and how do you deal with it?

[Exhaustd]

NC for this.

I have a family member with a long-standing history of poor MH and a diagnosis of schizophrenia. They can be noncompliant with meds and have recently started smoking cannabis which makes their condition and delusions worse.

When they're not well they're convinced that people in their lives like family (and ex friends) are out to get them, they then make it their mission to cause those people as much trouble as possible by making phonecalls to officials like malicious calls to DWP, the council, social services, etc.

Last week I got a concerned call about my DM because this relative had been ringing her housing officer making claims that she was in danger.

I know they're not well and I feel incredibly sad for them in that respect but I also feel like I'm living on edge waiting to see what they do next and whether it'll be me in the firing line. I'm pregnant and have small DC and the stress of it all is too much sometimes.

I've gone extremely low contact but if anything that just makes them worse because then they think I'm a bad person or plotting against them.

Does anybody here have somebody like this in their family and if so AIBU to ask how to navigate that?

I've lost count of the amount of times I've spoken to their CPN who's hands are tied until they become a danger to themselves or others. It's exhausting.

It’s not the same but I have a close family member who was anorexic and bulimic for years.
Anorexia destroyed their thinking. Past events were remembered wrongly, they still are actually.
I couldn’t cut them off, they would try to alienate themselves in order to eat less. I wouldn’t let that happen.
For about four or five years every time the phone rang I would steel myself in case it was to tell me my family member had died. I had already rehearsed in my head that phone cal so many times.
They developed a heart problem and at one point they were so thin they were told they could have a heart attack at any minute as their body just couldn’t function any more. And what did they do????? Fucked off on a 10 mile hike because I’d made them eat a mini milk.
The stress would stop me sleeping, being able to concentrate on anything, I would cry at nothing and everything.
OP. I know and can guess a little of what you are going through. It’s soul destroying.
I had to remember it isn’t them, it’s the disease.
It’s fucking fucking hard

I'm so sorry Crayfish, that sounds so hard

The stress would stop me sleeping, being able to concentrate on anything

I can relate to this. I'm sleeping but not particularly well and I've spent all morning procrastinating because I can't think of anything but this. It's an all consuming worry and not at all healthy.

How is your relative now? How are you coping?

Yes, me. Brother, long term drug addict with severe mh issues and quite likely a personality disorder. I distance myself from him. We worked hard to help him access the right benefits and find housing so he can survive but it's hard to do any more because any contact with him comes with constant demands for money and we are no longer willing to provide that (he's had close to 100k from family over the past 10 years, all gone in drugs).

I owe him something as a brother but not my peace of mind and not huge quantities of my time either, esp when all he can offer me in return is stress and abuse.

Hi OP,

I have a sibling so has been mentally unwell for years and I have very little contact with them now. They refuse to acknowledge the hurt they've caused (as in either it didn't happen or they were in a bad place so it doesn't count). They are selfish and haven't really grown up imo. Now, I know they aren't well but are aware of this and still won't seek help or go for a short while and say it isn't helping right away so stop.

To be honest, going minimal contact has been the right thing for me. I have made sure that I have some friends I can speak to about it all. I have kept the majority of any conversations I have over text/message to have a record of what is said.

Similarly to you, unless they become a danger to themself or others there's nothing to be done unless they seek treatment... So, I have also made my boundaries clearly known to them - I support you getting help BUT I cannot be the person to support you fully in this. It's no good for either of us.

I'm sorry you're having to deal with this. It is incredibly tiring to have to deal with this, especially from family who you feel a debt to.