Was I in the wrong ?

[Chocolatekrispy]

I popped out tonight to drop off some charity bits to a friend that helps people in need, we for chatting and all in all I was out for about an hour and a half two hours, I had other places to go to too, before I left I got a text from partner asking how long I'd be as he hasn't eaten and is waiting to go to the shop, this was at 8.45 pm, he was abit funny with me when I phoned him stroppy like, now the above sounds normal but he always eats by 6.30 never waits for me to eat if I'm not ready by 6.30 he's hungry so he eats! Pre baby I'd have to Wait till gone 8pm as that's when he liked to eat ! He also said there's nothing in he fancy's but if I suggested popping to the shop he will say he wants to eat what's in the freezer, just hasn't sat right with me it feels like I've not been home for one evening and he doesn't like it so feels he has to make out it's an inconvenience, if I was home I could guarantee he wouldn't have needed to go to the shop

I felt like a child who wasn't home on time

You're right. Does he control your actions in any other way? Have you been out before without the baby?

Yes not out out to the pubs or anything I help out with a charity that involves me dropping off clothes etc, it was almost like I had done wrong, he goes out 3 times a week to do a sport, I literally got chatting, I could tell he was annoyed!
We are moving house and I need to be packing but still don't expect to be made to feel like that x

Oh I don't know.. You said you were popping out but gone 2hrs. That's not really 'popping'. I think when you live with someone and you have a baby to factor in it's just courtesy to communicate a bit. I think it's too easy to jump to 'controlling' when what's really happening is just a bit of thoughtlessness, which is not a crime, but easily rectified.

He knows I talk to the lady's who run it so knew I wouldnt be " quick " xx

I mean if DH said he was 'popping out' I'd expect him to be gone what, half an hour to an hour? I think I'd be miffed if I was expecting him back and he didn't turn up.
Having said that, if this is not an isolated incident and he is controlling in other ways then I would call this a red flag

Seems like he's pissed off because you weren't there to deal with everything. He's more than happy to leave you to play his sport 3 times a week, but he can't be bothered with caring for his own child and feeding himself.

but maybe because the sport is a regular activity, scheduled time, that is pencilled in to your diaries.
whereas you just took off in a random way and he didn;t know what the plan for the evening was.
maybe he felt abandoned, or unimportant in your scheme of things.
anyway, there's no right or wrong in it.
you need to speak to him calmly and openly.
let him express how he feels.

Tell him to get a grip. He's out 3 nights a week at his sport thing, and you can't chat for 2 hours.. This isn't the 1950's, he can feed himself, without waiting for you to join him right.

Sounds like he wanted you home to deal with the bany and used food as a way of making you feel guilty as well as getting you home quicker.

You need to nip this in the bud quickly.

People really are so quick to jump on 'red flags'. Christ. The OP disappeared for the main part of the evening without a conversation or comment like 'I'll be awhile, sort yourself tea' so he was probably a bit irritated he didn't know the score. Somehow that becomes 'he's a controlling bastard who won't care for his own child'. Jeez.

@Chocolatekrispy

I agree that this needs to be nipped in the bud.

I'd be reminding him that he has no right to be 'pissy' because you'd been gone longer than he thought you'd be !

If you didn't say 'I'll be back in 30 mins, so wait for me before cooking tea', then he has nothing to be 'pissy' about ffs !

Remind him that he gets 3 free evenings a week !!
And tell him that if he doesn't drag his attitude out of the 1950's you'll be dragging yours into the 21st century and insisting on equal free time !

But the op knows when he's going out for his 3 evenings. She knows she'll be stuck in the house. He didn't know. That's literally it.

Have I missed something ? Why do you need to be there so he can eat? He's an adult right? Surely whoever is at home deals with the DC and eats etc. I would be truly confused if DP rang me about that. Fair enough if he was ringing because he was worried about you , that's fair enough.

Genuinely if an adult cannot figure out how to get themselves fed without the assistance of someone else there is something wrong. Unless there is a drip feed like you had the bank card or something and there wasn't a scrap of food in the house ? I would be quite surprised.

Its not as if you've popped out for a 5 hour drinking session. If there is another adult in my house I generally do not expect them to need my assistance to feed them

@HugeAckmansWife

But the op knows when he's going out for his 3 evenings. She knows she'll be stuck in the house. He didn't know. That's literally it.

Seriously 🤔

I think he should accept it, I personally don't think that is a long time but I don't get this obsession with dinner together at exact time in the week. My DH works in London not every day but he is often back at 11! Even if he is in the local office it can be 7.30-8 it is too late for the children. He will check to see if he needs to pick his own dinner up it's no big deal. .