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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to email about a passive aggressive note

13 replies

CyanSnake · 28/04/2021 13:17

I know I’m being unreasonable, I’m probably unreasonable to even be upset.

Work is mad at the moment. My stress levels are through the roof; I’m working 12 hr days with deadlines out the wazoo. I’m doing the work of three people as two of my colleagues are long term sick. I’m basically at breaking point.

On Monday, I couldn’t find my mug. I had a look at all the places it could be but couldn’t find it... today I found it. In all the rush; I’d left it on the side of a room I’d popped into on Friday night. The mug has my name on it; so it’s obviously mine. Attached to this mug is a passive aggressive note about it not being nice to leave mugs around.

another colleague then chipped in “Oh yeah; [colleague who had desk in the room] isn’t happy with you.

It’s a tiny thing, but I started crying. I’m just so overwhelmed. I’ve taken the mug and cleaned it; as well as wiped the ring that formed.

AIBU to email her and say it would have been better to just email me on Monday morning and I’d have come and cleaned it? We’re all really stressed and just don’t need the sniping!

OP posts:

BuyYourOwnBBQGlenda · 28/04/2021 13:20

Honestly it's a mug. The note was too much but an email will be too. Just focus on looking after yourself and getting through.

Toilenstripes · 28/04/2021 13:21

Honestly, I’d let it go. Your colleague is a bit shit for complaining about you behind your back but it’s not a hill to die on. Can you get any support for these 12 hour days? That’s not sustainable in the long term, and they risk losing you as well.

Dogfan · 28/04/2021 13:22

Just rise above it and put it out of your mind. She's the petty one and there's no point adding to your stress by emailing. I just remember things like this next time they ask me for a favour and get my revenge that way!

Scarlettpixie · 28/04/2021 13:26

The note was OTT for a first offence so an email would have been worse. Maybe she is also stressed and so reacting badly to something which for most would be only a minor annoyance if that. Just let it go.

LordEmsworth · 28/04/2021 13:37

Buy a mystery mug with the colleague's name on it. Leave it in obvious but surprising places for the next month. Try to arrange to be in the same room as both her and the mug, look from one to the other, then tut and shake your head.

Seriously - I agree with a PP, if I found myself crying about something like this then I'd know it's a sign I am overdoing things. You need to tell your manager that you are not able to do the work of 3 people and you need support. I realise it's not easy to do but you need to give yourself a break.

Lou98 · 28/04/2021 13:46

You've said you're all stressed at the moment, I would just chalk it up to that and let it go to be honest.

There was no need for the note but equally it is frustrating when things are left lying around in communal areas and it could just be as simple as it had happened a few times that week (not by you) and this colleague just snapped and it happened to be yours was the last one.

An email would definitely be too far and most likely just start a back and forth argument.

As others have said, you sound like you're overdoing it, I think you need to try take some time for yourself and reset, don't run yourself in to the ground ❤️

MrsAudreyShapiro · 28/04/2021 13:48

@Toilenstripes

Yes, it was a bit crap of your colleague to do that, but sending an email will not help the situation or convince them to change their behaviour.

As above, the real issue is the unsustainable 12 hour days. You crying at work is a sign that something has to change. You really need to speak to your manager and get support. Forget about the stupid colleague.

Knittedfairies · 28/04/2021 13:58

The note-writer may be as stressed as you are; your mug left out could have just tipped her over the edge. As upthread, you need to speak to a manager and find some support.

Mittens030869 · 28/04/2021 14:02

She was really being ridiculous to write you that note, but writing an email to her about it would be a completely OTT response. As you yourself will see when you’re feeling less stressed out.

The real issue here is the unsustainable long hours you’re working, as PPs have said.

stackemhigh · 28/04/2021 14:02

YANBU, is it possible they're picking on you? Would they have left the note for other colleagues?

Just ignore them and watch for any other nasty behaviour.

StillCoughingandLaughing · 28/04/2021 14:20

Only very petty, bored little jobsworths dealer a fuss about things like a mug left in a meeting room. Tell her that and add that, if she has an issue, she can talk to YOU and not your other colleagues.

An0n0n0n · 28/04/2021 14:23

Feel free to raose it with her but she wont be receptive to change. We all know a belligerent colleagues who think the office should be treated like their own homes and run the their rules instead 9f recognising its a shared space.

In your situation OP id encourage you to talk to your manager or you will end up on stress leave.

Dorris83 · 28/04/2021 14:26

Scrawl ‘WTF?!’ Across the note and leave it on the note writer’s desk

Well, probably don’t, but it might feel good to do that. Is it possible to go and speak to the person? Often I have found that taking and addressing an issue helps and makes it dissipate. You can make it sound like an apology when you’re actually pointing out that the note was a dick move...

‘Hi I think this was from you? So sorry for leaving my mug behind, I’m quite busy with the projects I’m managing for *other colleagues’ and quite stressed at the moment so I must have forgotten it. I apologise, I don’t want you to feel you have to pick up after me! Is everything ok with you? I hope you know you can talk to me about things like this?’ Sweet smile.

While muttering ‘dickhead’ as you walk away.

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