Or is FIL?

[fairynick]

Before I start, I know that DPs opinion is the only one that counts. I just want to know whether I’m being dramatic or not.
FIL was controlling and financially abusive of MIL and they are no longer together. DP has strained relationship with FIL.
We were clearing out MILs loft and found an old savings account book for DP with all the transactions written in. We had a look through it and there were a few payments made in around Christmas and birthdays, but then bits and bobs withdrawn randomly. £9 here, £30 there. They could have been for toys that DP wanted perhaps, so not the biggest concern.
Then DP inherited £1000 which went into his account. The family always had a certain breed of dog predating DPs birth. When DP was a child their dog died and it was usual in their family to get a new one within a year and repeat. FIL is passionate about these dogs and DP likes them but not as much as FIL. When DP looks back now it seems clear that FIL instilled the idea into his head about buying a new dog with his inheritance, FIL went bankrupt around that time and wouldn’t have been able to afford it. The dog was £500 and now lives with FIL, not DP.
The next transaction that was worrying was £300 removed from DPs savings. He suddenly remembered that his parents took the money out because they couldn’t afford ground rent for the caravan they owned at the time. DP hated the caravan and resented going during weekends and holidays.
AIBU to think they shouldn’t have taken their children’s inheritance to buy a family pet that they clearly already wanted? If I am, AIBU to think they should have at least paid back the ground rent?
There is now 0 left in DPs childhood savings. FIL is not sorry and will not be paying anything back.

That's awful and tantamount to theft. It certainly involves coercion of a child for financial gain.

Your FIL went bankrupt too? If bankrupt at the time the withdrawals were made, he should have declared these gains to whoever was handling his bankruptcy.

It’s clearly misappropriation of his funds, but I don’t think there’s anything you can do. If FIL refuses to pay it back then you have to decide what this means for your relationship

It’s not the best but I couldn’t really get worked up over childhood savings and where they disappeared to unless your DP is still quite young (say not more than 21), meaning the whereabouts or spending of money is still quite recent, and the amounts involved where a lot more than just the initial £1000: you mentioned.

How old is your DP now and how much £ was involved?

Of course FIL is being unreasonable he spent money that was left to his child!

But I don't think there is much you can do to force him to pay it now!

I really am not fond of FIL, because of the way he treated MIL and a few other reasons.
I am polite to him, but that’s about it, and this is just another example of his behaviour.
I think DP is just over it all now, he knows what his dad is like and this is just another example.
I agree that there’s no point trying to ask FIL to pay it back, because it will cause problems with the family and he definitely won’t agree.

Yeah its a crap thing to do to your child, but was probably justified at the time as "family dog" and the "family caravan" and the FIL probably said "we are keeping things as much as normal as possible to protect the family" or whatever, to justify the money going awol.

Not a lot can be done about it now. But I would be pissed off about that forever I think.

FIL was controlling and financially abusive of MIL and they are no longer together. DP has strained relationship with FIL.

Of course its not acceptable to take your childs money, but really? is it such a suprise?

He's an arsehole obviously

**surprise

Yes, It's basically theft. But if I was your DP 8 would write it off. It's not going to come back and even of it did he'd be made to feel terrible about it.

There sounds like there are bigger more dysfunctional fish to fry and your DPs efforts are probably better spent on therapy.

The thing is, people like him get away with this sort of thing because people don't want to challenge them.

I'd be tempted to point out to him that he concealed money that he came into during his bankruptcy which should have been declared. Is that a criminal offence? I think it might be.

Thank you for the comments. It felt really good just dumping all this down, maybe I should start a diary haha.
Everyone is spot on, it’s wrong what he did but there’s zero point in making a scene of it now. Their family have bigger fish to fry.

if the dog is still alive, and DP was a child when it was acquired, how old is he now? how old is the dog?!?

I'm not making excuses and FIL sounds like a shit but sometimes when an inheritance is given to a child (bypassing the grownups) isn't that a tax thing? Maybe it was meant for the family to use but was gifted to the child?

@suspiria777 without being too obvious, dog is extremely old and on its deathbed and DP is in mid twenties.

@Beetlewing not something we’d actually considered! Two older siblings also got £1000 but not sure whether they had full autonomy of how it was spent - probably best not asking and opening another can of worms