to ask for tips from working single parents?

[radiateforme]

I'm finding life exhausting at the moment. My friends call me wonder woman which drives me a bit mad as I'm literally physically falling apart. Mon-Fri I get my toddler up, have him at nursery by either 7.30 or 8, head to work, pick him up at either 5 or 6, head home, feed, bathe, bed, clean, tidy, sort myself out for work the next day. Saturdays we have swimming and any other family time (aka me and him) and Sundays I don't have many plans but am usually getting the house sorted, heading to playground, running round after toddler, seeing parents etc. I feel like I don't stop. I've been trying to watch episode 2 of line of duty since it came out and am not lying when I say I haven't actually got the time. I am struggling with a severe lack of down-time, 30 second showers, sleep deprivation etc. Is this basically it now? I'm burnt out.

Bump

Bump...

Do you have one toddler?

It gets easier i promise. My toddler is now a 14 year old teenager & my week sounds the exact same as yours back then. Try some batch cooking on the Sunday so you aren't cooking every day! I look back & wonder how I did it all with no help. Its exhausting but so rewarding. You've got this!!!

I feel your pain. I’m fortunate to be homework in lockdown so I don’t have the commuting to deal with and my daughter is now at school so a bit more self sufficient.

You mentioned seeing parents. Could they not look after your DC for a day at the weekend so you can have a rest? My mum is always more than happy to have my DD to spoil.

I'm not a single parent, but could you afford a cleaner to come in once a week to clean for you

Yes I am a single parent working full time. Stop cleaning. Not stop completely but do not do this every day. When your DC is in bed rest, chill, have a bath, watch line of Duty. Let your standards slip a little. My floors get cleaned about once a month.

I’m a single parent to 2 older ones, and work part time from home so my day definitely isn’t as demanding as yours!
I definitely let my cleaning standards slip. Nothing is every filthy, but it’s never show home perfect. I stay on top of everything day to day - washing on as soon as there is a load and pegged out in the morning, or hung on the airer.
Get a good bed time routine. So then you can try and get more evening time. And absolutely ask family to watch your wee one for a bit.

I was you five years ago. It was a nightmare. Constantly running to keep up. Was also (still
am) only single parent in whole team at work.

The game changer came when my kid was about 3 and his nursery suddenly closed down. I ended up hiring one of the nursery workers as a part time
nanny (about 15-20 hours a week) - she would
collect him in the afternoons and make his tea four afternoons a week and it just gave me a bit of breathing space. I know not everyone can afford it but even getting a bit of afternoon help from
student (try Koru Kids) or a nanny share a couple of days a week might help.

Once he started school there was breakfast club and after school clubs which helped a lot (I used childcare vouchers or TFC to pay for those). Also my work shifted to a slightly more flexible attitude towards hours - jobs like that DO exist and it
might be worth shopping around for an employer who is more flexible.

But yes, basically it is really hard work and people
who parent as a couple (and also smug
married bosses) have NO IDEA how hard it is.

Single parent and work full time, DD12. It was relentless when she was a toddler but it gets easier I promise. I made sure I was not doing anything after her bedtime but I also co-slept a lot because it meant I got more sleep.

I tidy one room a day so it doesn't get too much but generally I don't sweat the cleaning.

My advice is start early with the extra curricular stuff on a Saturday like tennis or stagecoach for example that way you start building in time for yourself at the weekends.

Last tip. Never feel guilty for needing time to yourself.

I have a cleaner every two weeks and do a big clean the other weekends myself. I have a part-time nanny at home in the afternoons which is a huge help and I'm fortunate to be able to afford it. I also have caring responsibilities for an ill parent so it works for my schedule after work that my son is already at home.

Oh and I have a robot hoover! It's amazing at keeping the floors presentable

@MissSmiley

Do you have one toddler?

Yes one

I always find my house so much easier to keep on top of after a ruthless chuck out and a couple of tip runs. Don't keep anything that isn't of interest any more, even if you chuck them in the loft for 6 months 'just in case' we only use such a tiny percentage of our things, but oh the putting away of them and cleaning around them.

Take a day off every month/every other month. Do what ever you need to do in the morning, and then do absolutely fuck all in the afternoon. Gives you a bit of space and some time.

It is exhausting and people who have not been lone parents don't get it.

Day off when your child is in nursery obv.

I’m a single parent to 2 DD aged 11 and 8 (have been alone since they were 6&3) I dropped my hours to 4 days per week as soon as they were both at school. You can do it OP, chin up

OP, it is exhausting. If you're like me, you don't have the option to cut hours as part of the issue with feeling stressed and exhausted is the bills!

Try and be organised. Get into a routine. It does get easier as they get older. I have 2 and been on my own since the youngest was 1. But the toddler years give way to the running around for extra-curricular activities.

Does your toddler's father have him/her at all? I try and do my housework the two days a week he has them (I'm still working those days) and also insist I try and keep one of those evenings free of any boring stuff like work or housework. I sit in front of the TV with wine! I'd love to expand that to socialising again soon but honestly too shattered to atm.

One thing that keeps me going is that my dds are learning a good work ethic. I also insist holidays are totally family time and try and relax. Luckily I have the school holidays off.

It gets better, I promise. Take occasional annual leave when they are in nursery, lower your standards, dinners make them easy. Probably not ideal but I found it easier for baths in the morning so sometimes they went to sleep in their clothes ( jogger type) and clothes chucked in machine in morning.

I worked full time with a hideously long commute as a single parent to DD from age 3.

It was hard work and my social life was nonexistent for a while but it does get better.

Simple meals, clean loo and kitchen. That's all you need. Prioritise yourself over the cleaning. Who's going to know when you last changed your bed?

Presumably the toddler is in bed by 7ish? In the last 30 mins or so while tey are watching cbeebies, that's when you quickly wipe over the kitchen, fold the washing put the dishwasher on. Once they are settled in bed you set a maximum of 30 mins to do any other chores. Anything can wait. Have a set time by which you WILL sit down, with wine, tea, whatever, light a fire, candle, put TV on or pick up a book. When my 2 were younger I found that 90 mins or so before I hit the sack hugely valuable. No-one dies from dusty skirting boards or fingerprints on the windows.

Get food shopping delivered (I get Morrison's via Amazon prime or Aldi via Deliveroo).

If you can afford it get a cleaner, otherwise be prepared to just let the cleaning go a bit if you are too tired.

One they are older they and organise activities/ placates where you don't have to stay to give you an hour or so breathing space.

It will get much easier once they are at school and as they get older x

I am a single mum to a toddler and a teen.

It can be exhausting at times, but you absolutely CAN live a life without becoming frazzled and without needing a shedload of money or help.

1. Do your shopping mid-week after picking up child. You get to spend some time together chatting while they are in the trolley and you get the food shop done, which frees up part of your weekend.

1. Clean as you go along. Wipe down surfaces as you prepare food or while you have a shower, never leave a room empty-handed if something needs packing away.

1. Nothing beats getting up early - I used to have a much-needed hour of peace in the mornings before DC2 woke up. I don't now as they like sleeping in my bed and get woken up by my alarm, but just readjusted that time to have it in the evening instead.

1. The garden (any weather) and the TV make excellent short-term babysitters while you get stuff done.

1. Train them early. Both DC can confidently help me sort washing and put laundry on, help make food (who cares which way sausages are cut and whether they are all the same shape/ size) and put their own stuff away - the older one obviously also has other chores. Both help me carry shopping and putting it away. I have trained them since they could walk, though.

1. Absolutely insist on mummy-time for half an hour when you need it. Even young ones can play in their rooms for that time unsupervised (keep auditory contact) while you look after yourself.

1. Don't delay paperwork and let it build up - deal with everything on the day and it massively reduces your stress.

1. Work when at work, no compromises. I teach and am supposed to work outside of school, but I use every spare minute I have at work and therefore hardly bring any work home, ever.

1. Ditch the activities with your child unless YOU enjoy them. No toddler needs swimming lessons or a social life beyond the contact they get at nursery. In fact, downtime does them a hell of a lot of good. You see your friends in the park and take maybe a ball along for your DC; they will find something to entertain themselves with.

10. Fuck ironing. I haven't ironed since my interview for university some 15 years back. Now, THAT is a time-saver.

11. Know that, in less than 10 years' time, your toddler will be glued to their phone and barely notice whether you are in the same room as them. It does get a LOT easier.