Bank Holidays and shared childcare

[Iona345]

Just realised it's Bank Holiday coming up. I share childcare with ex who has EOW. Normally he'd drop kids off to school Mondays and I'd pick up at 3pm.

Bank hols he gets day off and paid, I'm SE so no work, no pay and do the lions share and some of childcare so my work is compressed as it is.

Bank hols I suppose were an oversight in our childcare agreement but wondered what do others do?

AIBU to expect ex not to extend his time? He's always too busy or his work is too important to do anything other than the agreement generally. I think he should drop back at 3pm as technically (so the solicitor verbally said) that's when his time ends.

Who is responsible for organising childcare during school holidays? It should really follow the same pattern.

Yes, morally, I think he should do it.

I'd expect whoever had the day off to look after the kids in that situation - not all roles get BHs off, so if he does then defo morally he should do it.

@OverTheRubicon well that's a grey area. Totally oversight on the agreement. Just says his drop off is at 9. The solicitor verbally said if kids were ill at school etc on his school drop days he would be responsible. But only the black and white ink of agreements sits with him.

Also morals certainly don't apply to him There's not going to be a hard and fast rule to this is there?

Does he not want extra time with the kids as he is off work? I would suggest it fair to split this day and perhaps him have the kids in the morning and drop off around lunch ........

What do you actually want and can you come to an amicable agreement, whether a rule for all BHs or on a case by case basis?

Would he like the opportunity to do something worthwhile with them - seaside etc? Or is it just likely to be another day where they watch TV/screens and he does the same before getting them a McDonalds?

Would you work if he had them, or even enjoy a day to yourself? What would they prefer?

What works for others won't necessarily work for you but if you're talking to him about it, you might as well get this weekend and the end of May BH sorted at the same time.

I'd be happy with that @DDiva funny thing is he says every now and then he wants more time but things like lockdown where I suggested we share the extra he said he couldn't because of work (meanwhile I print my money with a machine ) it almost broke me.

But because it wasn't in the agreement (we didn't make an allowance for global pandemics funnily enough) he said he didn't have to.

This is what I'm dealing with.

On non school days ie school holidays drop back is 10am

We generally split bank holidays or else one of us would have planned something anyway. Eg their dad will have them this bank holiday and I have them the end of May one as it falls in half term and I'm on holiday with the kids then anyway. Easter, he had them Good Friday and I had them Easter Monday.

As you can technically count it as a non school day- the 10am drop off would probably stand. Doesn't make it right, or him not an arse. Do you have anyone you could ask to do an extended play date for the kids and get him to drop off with a friend?

Maybe if you told him you desperately needed them back to go to see your family on the Monday, he'd refuse and say he wants the extra time.

This sort of thing used to work a charm with my ex-h. If I wanted/needed the kids for something he'd refuse to budge, just because he could... so if I needed a bit of time for me to work/get stuff done/rest I'd make up these 'family occasions'

So many of them are such selfish idiots!

@Twatterati this would probably work. We must have had the same ex!

No I'm definitely not trying to get a day off. I'm SE and got work coming out of my ears. A day off as likely as a lottery win.

If I had a free day I'd 100% want to be with the kids.

XH and l arranged that whoever has the DC on the attached weekend would keep for the BH and inset days

We always have DSD until the Monday evening if it’s a bank holiday; mainly because we don’t see as much of her as we’d like anyway so a bank holiday is a bonus to us. If her mum wanted to see her then we’d be flexible but she’s always happy for us to have her.

I would say 10am drop off too if that’s the drop off time on non school days if you’re following the court order. Have you asked him to have the kids for the day? Could you tell him you’ll be doing work so the kids would have much fun with him?

@Muchmorethan

XH and l arranged that whoever has the DC on the attached weekend would keep for the BH and inset days

This is what my OH does. It works well for my SC as long as the children move less and find it less disruptive.

Some very reasonable arrangements some of you have. I crave the give and take. Feels years away from that.

I would expect the parent who can more easily take off to be home with them, unless some other arrangements.

Dh and I are happily married, but I’m employed and he’s self employed. I do bank holidays because I get them off paid anyway and he doesn’t. If I wanted a free day to relax I’d do it on a weekend (when he’s around for dc) or I’d take an extra day of AL when dc are in school.

@Iona345

Some very reasonable arrangements some of you have. I crave the give and take. Feels years away from that.

It really wasn't amicable at first between XH and l. He wanted to waltz off to be a "single" man with the OW and just assumed I'd carry on doing all the wife work.

I soon set him straight and divided up school holidays etc. Came as an awful shock to the poor man that he'd actually have to use his AL to look after his DC as l wasn't going to continue doing it all.

We keep it as per school - so Mondays are my day. Ex would drop them at school at 9am and then if anything arose during that day, that would be for me to deal with, his time ends when he drops them, so we stick with that on bank holidays. But there is usually flexibility if anyone needs it - this one I am not picking them up until lunchtime.