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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think she should have done a test and sent her kid in?

56 replies

Rainallnight · 27/04/2021 23:16

DD’s friend in school didn’t come back after the Easter holidays, until yesterday.

Her mum told me that she (the child) had a temperature but she didn’t want to do a Covid test as she didn’t want to ‘stick something up her nose’, so she kept her home to self isolate for a fortnight instead.

Am I wrong in thinking this is bonkers? Kids have missed so much socialisation and school this year already, why would you keep them off for longer when it could be sorted with a 48 hour test??

The child has no SEN or anything

OP posts:
SnuggyBuggy · 28/04/2021 06:59

I won't put my own children through any invasive medical testing that isn't necessary to protect their own health. I'd have done the same in this situation.

Yogatomorrow · 28/04/2021 07:04

I agree with the op. Two weeks self isolation is horrible, especially for a child. The test isn't lovely but overall much better for the child.

MN always paints an incredible backstory, but taking the facts as given in the op, it doesn't sound like the best decision for the child.
The question is though did the whole household self-isolate for 2 weeks? Otherwise there is little point in only the child isolating (unless they were kept in their room for 2 weeks, which would be cruel because the mother didn't want to stick something up the nose.)

Standrewsschool · 28/04/2021 07:06

Not bonkers, but sensible. Yes, they could have tested, but took the alternative route of self-isolation.

Better to do this, then recover from the temperature, and go into school with covid, but no symptoms. The child could have spread it around.

You’d soon be complaining if the mum had sent the child into school, when apparently well.

Beautiful3 · 28/04/2021 07:06

Stop being judgemental and mind your own business. She had two options, test or isolate. She chose to isolate.

NameChangedForThisFeb21 · 28/04/2021 07:09

Couldn’t get worked up about someone sticking to the rules by self-isolating,

Doesn’t it get a bit tiring being so judgemental? People do things differently, it’s really not a big deal.

PussGirl · 28/04/2021 07:10

People don't like sticking things up their own or other people's noses - just look at the footage on the news of them vaguely waving the swab just inside the nostrils!

No wonder the false negative rate can be up to 60% Hmm

Self isolation is a valid option.

DrSbaitso · 28/04/2021 07:42

Think whatever you like, it's none of your business.

If she struggles to administer the test then she's likely to do it wrong and get a false negative, so this is actually safer. Another two weeks of home school won't make any difference at this stage.

MotherOfCrocodiles · 28/04/2021 07:45

Maybe they were actually on holiday...?!

AllThatFancyPaintsAsFair · 28/04/2021 07:50

@PussGirl

People don't like sticking things up their own or other people's noses - just look at the footage on the news of them vaguely waving the swab just inside the nostrils!

No wonder the false negative rate can be up to 60% Hmm

Self isolation is a valid option.

60% false negative from a PCR test?

Are you sure, the child had symptoms so would have needed a proper test and I've not seen the reported rate as high as that.

The question really is whether the rest of the household isolated, if not the parent is being unreasonable.

PrudenceDictates · 28/04/2021 07:52

Well your problem seems not to be about a choice between test or self isolation (which most posters seem to have focused on) but whether or not it’s bad for the child to have yet more time off school, having missed so much already.
My response is a huge mind your own business, frankly.

shouldistop · 28/04/2021 07:52

It's not what I'd choose to do but I can't imagine caring what another parent chose.

Port1aCastis · 28/04/2021 07:58

Thing is it's none of your business .

LaceyBetty · 28/04/2021 07:59

It baffles me what some people concern themselves with in regards to other people's business.

Confusedandshaken · 28/04/2021 08:08

Meh. I couldn't get worked up about this. She's keeping people safe by isolating and that's the important thing atm. We don't know the whole story either. Perhaps there are other reasons it suits the family or child for her to stay off school for a couple of weeks. Mental health, bullying or nits are just three potential reasons.

Imnothereforthedrama · 28/04/2021 08:14

My dc has had to isolate a few times due to his school bubble and the household has twice so for me no I don’t understand why anyone would just keep them off for 2 weeks without a test . Unless the whole household isolate for 10 days too seems pointless. But so many are not bothering and assuming it’s a cold so in that sense perhaps she’s being cautious.

saraclara · 28/04/2021 08:20

By not testing the child, she put others at risk. If the child was positive, any contacts could have been warned, isolated and tested.

This is one of those threads where most people have simply jumped on the back of the first few posts and yelled "none of your business" without actually thinking.

EvenMoreFuriousVexation · 28/04/2021 08:23

I agree with you OP. Well, I wouldn't have said "bonkers". But yes, lazy parenting and not in the child's best interests.

We all have to do unpleasant and uncomfortable things at times in order to get on with your everyday lives. Teaching a child they can just opt out of anything "too difficult" is just storing up future trouble.

poppycat10 · 28/04/2021 08:47

@newnortherner111

Mixed feelings- good to read of someone taking Covid 19 risk as still there and thinking of not spreading it to teachers, pupils and anyone else. However, there are difficult things in life that everyone has to face to some degree. and does avoiding them help create a 'snowflake' child/adult?
Well I'm not doing it either.

I donate blood regularly so am quite happy to undergo a small scratch on my arm, which many people are not, they are terrified of needles.

But conversely I am not sticking things up my nose and definitely not down my throat when there's no need. I am not a snowflake. I could say the people who are scared of a split second pain in their arm are snowflakes, but everyone has some sort of irrational fear.

poppycat10 · 28/04/2021 08:48

@saraclara

By not testing the child, she put others at risk. If the child was positive, any contacts could have been warned, isolated and tested.

This is one of those threads where most people have simply jumped on the back of the first few posts and yelled "none of your business" without actually thinking.

And the chances of the child being positive at present are close to zero.

You also assume the child had any contacts. If they were following the rules, there should not have been any as you can't catch it outside.

poppycat10 · 28/04/2021 08:50

Teaching a child they can just opt out of anything "too difficult" is just storing up future trouble

Yeah right. Lots of adults opt out of things they don't like, and I am not just talking about men buggering off when their girlfriends get pregnant.

DenisetheMenace · 28/04/2021 08:50

Personally I would test. She kept her daughter home though, which was the responsible thing to do.

Jennifer2021 · 28/04/2021 09:01

Yes the isolation is tough but thousands of kids have had to do it all year. DC2 had to isolate as a close contact. Did their remote work watched box sets and recently won an award in school for improving in a subject they struggle with so clearly didn't impact them too much.

A friends DD has had to self isolate as a close contact 5 x already and I'd much rather parents decided to keep them off to be on the safe side and hence not spread it further back to vulnerable families and so would my friend so her DD doesn't miss out on any more socialising and in person learning. One of my parents has terminal cancer and currently no immune system to help fight a cold off never mind Covid so I'm grateful for those who err on the side of caution when considering the wider community kids could bring it back to.

mam0918 · 28/04/2021 09:29

meh... I would likely have assumed it was a white lie to cover up a self contained holiday from the school (we where tier 4 then lockdown so have been in lockdown basically like 6 months, people need a break from there own 4 walls) and not given it a second thought.

PussGirl · 28/04/2021 10:09

AllThatFancy 60% false neg from lateral flow tests

PCR typically false negative 30%

That's why it is advisable to isolate with covid symptoms, even with negative test

VegCheeseandCrackers · 28/04/2021 10:11

It's not really anything to do with you, is it? You do you and let her do her.