AIBU?
To expect children not to read my messages?
ChampagneTastes · 27/04/2021 17:41
I am in a group chat with a number of mums at school. we discuss all sorts of things, make jokes, share concerns, discuss our children. So far so normal, right?
Turns out that at least a couple of the mums regularly give their phones to their children who on more than one occasion have read some of these messages.
I am a sweary person. I don't think I've said anything that I'm ashamed of but I've certainly said things not intended for a young audience. It has been suggested that I should tone down my language but my feeling is that it is not me who is the problem. I very rarely give my children my phone but if I do I am watching them and, quite frankly, they know to only use the particular app they have asked to use.
Am I being one of those smug mothers who think their child is better than everyone else's? (Possibly). Am I unreasonable to expect that messages sent to a particular audience should stay within that audience (I'm not expecting total secrecy here - just, if I sent it to adults, it was meant for adults).
If IABU then I will take it on the chin. I'm bloody not though.
Am I being unreasonable?
AIBUYou have one vote. All votes are anonymous.
Zancah · 27/04/2021 17:46
Nah, I'm a sweary fucker too. I censor myself in company but i carry on as normal in texting to adults. It's up to them to censor their phone, not me.
Let's face it, a sweary text is the least of your worries if they're being given unfiltered access to a mobile device!
Sbfksh374 · 27/04/2021 18:04
And a WhatsApp group was set up for my youngests class and during lockdown there was a lot of ranting about homeschooling and a few negative comments about the teacher and one of the parents sent screenshots into the head mistress!! So be very careful what you put lol
Zancah · 27/04/2021 18:22
@Sbfksh374
Oh yeah, this happened at our school and made me very glad I'd declined the WhatsApp invitation
saraclara · 27/04/2021 18:25
@ChampagneTastes
That's awful.
I think there's a lesson for all of us there, to keep to using the class WhatsApp for date reminders and other practical stuff only. It would honestly never occur to me that conversations would be shared with people's DCs.
billy1966 · 27/04/2021 19:00
A bit of both OP.
I would no more discuss my child or anything private about them on a group chat.
Not a chance.
Complete breach of your child's privacy for the very reason you have outlined.
I agree with you that children should NOT be reading their parents messages but because of the school connection, pure nosiness could be the motivator.
It's unfortunately completely unreasonable for you to imagine everyone will share your boundaries with your children.
Some parents are very dim and indiscreet.
In primary school my daughters teacher was looking very peaky and cranky.
She came home one day with the story that the teacher had been dumped by her longterm boyfriend.
One of the mum's in the class had a sister who was a close friend and she thought it was appropriate to share the poor woman's private business.
Completely inappropriate and I certainly wasn't the only parent to think it too.
Generic, anemic chat only. Much safer🤣
merryhouse · 27/04/2021 19:16
Did she say she censors herself face-to-face?
The OP had thought the WA group was a group of adults, so was treating it as such. It's like being one's usual self before the doors open and then turning into Mary Poppins once the kids come out.
I think it's a bit weird to discuss particular children's issues in such a group at all, tbh.
BackforGood · 27/04/2021 19:47
I would actually put a message in the group to say I was pretty shocked that anyone felt it was appropriate to let the dc see the messages in what is a private chat.
Nothing to do with swearing, but, as you say, if you think you are in a group with parents, you might well phrase something in a way you wouldn't say in front of the dc
I think you need to challenge it.
You've nothing to lose if you are going to stop using the group anyway.
ChampagneTastes · 28/04/2021 10:35
Sorry perhaps I'm not being clear - the group is not simply a group for school chat. It is a group of relatively close friends who met through the school. There is a separate class chat for lost jumpers and football times in which I would never contemplate either swearing or sharing personal information. This is a chat between friends.
Regarding the not swearing in front of others - well I usually see them in the playground so, yes, I change my behaviour. Don't you?
79andnotout · 28/04/2021 14:20
Yanbu. I know one of my friends does this, and also one of my friends husband responded to a group chat on her behalf once, and I was bloody outraged! Just means I've held back ever since and only put banal stuff in group chats knowing lots of prying eyes see.
AmyLou100 · 28/04/2021 14:24
Did they say it was specifically because of the children. Tbh I hate conversations with sweary people. I find it so vulgar. But that is me. Equally there are many people that have no problem. Maybe it's some of the mums who feel this way and passing it on as the kids who are saying this?
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