Should I step down? Wedding

[unsureofname]

Been best friends with bride since school, she is getting married next year after getting engaged last year. I am bridesmaid and was really pleased to of been asked and was excited for it at first.
Over the course of the second and third lockdown we seem to have drifted apart quite a bit, although we have done this before and always seem to become close again after a few months.

I am self employed and my business has been unable to continue during each lockdown and now we are out of lockdown it's not doing well at all, I'm keeping my head above water financially and emotionally but feel like I'm treading water with everything, bride is aware of all this.

A few weeks ago I got a message in the wedding group chat asking for deposits for bm make up, this was before I was back in work and I told the bride I couldn't afford it right now with me being out of work and would book mine nearer the time, fine. A few days later I got a message to say hen do would be abroad and would be booking it next week so would need deposits for that. I explained that I don't have the money and if I did have that sort of money, with the way things are it's just not a priority for me, (Cars falling to bits, my son has never been on holiday) received a message off the bride to say she basically expects me to be there I'm her bridesmaid, best friend and she's only getting married once. I said I'd book on nearer the time if I could afford it next year.

I've just received another message off another bm asking for deposits for the second hen do in our home town.

I feel like everything I say is falling on deaf ears and I'm being pushed out and forced to step down really, not sure if I'm being dramatic because I'm not feeling emotionally stable right now but I genuinely feel like I'm being targeted and almost bullied out. I have told bride I would help with anything that doesn't cost for the time being (already helped make and send invites ect)

Aibu and being a really bad friend or should bride be more understanding?
Also I haven't been including in discussions about hen dos ect when all the other bridal party have.

I don't think YABU, although I probably wouldn't have told the bride that her wedding-related activities weren't my priority (even though it's true).

If a bride wants the wedding party to submit to things like professional hair/makeup, then she should pay for it. I also think arranging an overeas hen do is totally OTT. However, unless you've got a reason to believe that the other bridesmaids are being deliberately bitchy, it sounds like they're trying to make sure you are included by inviting you to a local hen do. (It does seem rather early to be taking deposits for this - I'd ask what the deposit was for - but perhaps some venues are demanding deposits upfront.)

Do you know why you weren't included in discussions about the hen do, if all the other bridesmaids were? Was it just an oversight? Perhaps they felt you wouldn't want to be part of it if you couldn't go?

I'd step down. I paid for my bridesmaids hair, make up and dresses. Hen do was a cheap afternoon tea. Nobody was obliged to attend. Our wedding was child free mainly because all our friends have children so couldn't have afforded it but babes in arms were welcome. We also organised our wedding in 9 weeks ( well DH did most of it ) so we're very aware that some people wouldn't be able to make it.

I would have hated to think my friends were in financial difficulty and feeling pressured my things I was asking of them. That's not a friendship. You deserve better.

I think it's worth asking the bride to meet up. Have an open discussion saying that you simy cannot afford to be doing these things and if they are more important to her you understand if she would like you to step down and get someone else who can do these things. You maybe able to do these things later but that right now you simply cannot afford too. Why do people feel the need for two hen parties these days? I strongly suggest you talk to her about her expectations and if you being in the wedding is more or less important than the amount you can afford to spend doing the bits that are not as important as supporting her on the day itself.

@MrsWhites

Oh and another thing that ticks me off....why do people have bridesmaids if they can’t afford to cover their expenses for the day. Surely if a bride wants to use a makeup artist for the bridesmaids then she should be covering the cost?!

I've bought my bridesmaids dresses, shoes and hairbands. Luckily mine are 14, 11 and 6 though so make up isn't a problem. They've not had to pay for anything, even though there were offers. And actually, it's not hit my budget drastically anyway, as the dress the 11 year old is wearing was meant for DD last year (14 now) but was outgrown. It was originally from eBay. The youngest one I was going to just buy a pretty dress from Primark and found one by chance in a second hand shop, a Monsoon dress with tags, for £6. And DDs replacement was also a secondhand find for £20.

I don't get the rush to spend the amount of a small family car on a wedding. My hen do is karaoke at our local pub. My dress was from eBay.
I've had a few wobbles (Covid is not the best time to organise a wedding!) and I changed my dress as well.

But two of my original bridesmaids dropped out, one because they're now miles away and working in a hugely stressful job, and the other is doing A levels and I think have enough worry with exams being cancelled so it wouldn't be fair to expect them to mess around with dress try ons and stuff. I didn't mind at all.