Fed up with husband

[Suzie1124]

He looks moody every time I mention my family. I haven’t seen my sister for over 1.5 years due to lockdown and today she texted about meeting up over bank holiday. He throws a strop everytime. She’s done nothing to him and I think it stems from jealousy as he’s not close with his sisters. When my sister and mum came to visit on the birth of my eldest child he was slamming doors and swearing (he was drunk).

I’ve had enough of him. I have never stopped him seeing his family. He visits his mum for whole day Sunday with the kids and goes for dinner in week 2x. His sisters are not interested in a relationship with him so he takes his childish attitude out on our kids as he makes them miss out seeing any of their cousins on my side.

We’re in marriage councelling and his attitude is never changing. Whenever I mention my family his response is “what about my sisters?”. Like he can invite them whenever he wants but for some reason only remembers he has sisters when my family want to come over!! I feel so angry and really just want to bloody shake him and scream at him to stop making my life and kids life a living hell!

He doesn’t realise that our kids have no idea who his sisters are or even the names of the cousins on his side! My family make so much effort FaceTiming and sending birthday cards and presents and then he gets jealous. Like what’s the solution? His ideal world would be that I stop talking to my family and kids never see any of their cousins. If I could leave I would literally leave right now. Please some advice on how to carry on living with this man and keep my sanity

Thank you everyone. I’ve just briefly read the sulking DH divorcing thread! Thank u so much for sending me the link it’s definitely good for me to read it. I think it’s 6 threads in total so will take me a while.

I think my best bet is to ignore his sulking whilst I work on things. His mother is exactly the same. I wonder if it’s a kind of MH issue she for example: was practically lying down on table with her head in her hands when my family came to visit when I got hone from hospital with my first child. She didn’t like it that they came as husband put it “it was our family only supposed to be here” so in other words I’m married into HIS family so should cut ties with mine.

I feel so angry at the million things that have built up over the years but our councelling lady won’t allow me to discuss in sessions as she said it’s in the past. The issue is the past keeps repeating so needs to be addressed. I probably seem like the crazy one to her as I keep bringing these little things into our sessions and she repeatedly tells me not to discuss the past. I do think deep down she is actually trying to help but I can’t articulate how crazy his mother and he is.

You need a better counsellor. Preferably one just for you, not for couples

Think counsellor is right either work on future and changes to make the relationship work or leave.....you cant change the past.

Interesting that his Mum behaves in a similar way - this could easily be a learnt behavior, in that he witnessed his Mum doing it growing up and thinks it's normal (even if it doesn't make sense and damages your relationship). He's going to have to learn how to change and want to change, which is difficult. But if he wants to, he can.

Divorce him. It will be the best thing you ever do.

Your counsellor is an incompetent dickhead.

Leave him.

@Taikoo

Your counsellor is an incompetent dickhead.

Leave him.

THIS..

why are you putting yourself and your children AND your poor sisters through this constant cycle of his bullshit.

Leave.

@Cameleongirl

Interesting that his Mum behaves in a similar way - this could easily be a learnt behavior, in that he witnessed his Mum doing it growing up and thinks it's normal (even if it doesn't make sense and damages your relationship). He's going to have to learn how to change and want to change, which is difficult. But if he wants to, he can.

'The past' isn't just a series of events that have occurred. It sets up a pattern that the OP reasonably expects to be repeated in the future. If her DH either denies the events have occurred or tries to justify them, then there is no hope for resolution or improvement.

The counsellor is missing the point - how can the OP communicate what needs to change if she can't explain what is wrong, with reference to specific examples if needs be. Otherwise, what is the point of counselling?

It's not about seeking retribution for something that happened, it's recognising unacceptable behaviour that the DH and MIL continue to engage in.

@HelgaDownUnder. That’s what I meant to say, perhaps I expressed it badly. He needs to recognize the unacceptable behavior and change it going forward. My point was that if you grow up thinking that something is acceptable behavior
(because your Mum does it), you sometimes do it yourself. You need to learn that it’s not OK and change.

@13:20Cameleongirl I agree completely with your post. I actually meant to reply to the Sibi67 above you!

Sulking is manipulation and has got nothing to do about emotions, it’s all about control.
If he sulks every time you're going to see your family, or about any other issue, it will get easier and more pleasant for you just to give in, to keep the peace, because he will sulk and be an arse when you do whatever it is. Then he's successfully modified your behaviour and trained you never to do anything he doesn't want.
It's not about recognising his unacceptable behaviour.

Also, your counsellor is rubbish.

Work out the kind of counselling you need, the counsellors not bad just wrong one for you. Find a psychodynamic counsellor to work on past it thats what you want, bare in mind it's a long journey...buckle up.