Just moved- LOUD NEIGHBOURS!

[dandelionwoman]

Hi there MN
Please help. I'm having a big wobble.
Moved house last week - so stressful.
Just feeling settled & then on Friday night neighbours had a very loud gathering outside (poss more than 6 but it was more about the noise than numbers etc) - very loud music - woken at 130am then think it quietened down around 3?
I have a lot going on at the mo with my mental health (anxiety) & slept badly Saturday then on Sunday another very loud gathering til just after 10pm (not that late I know but school night & I have two kids)
Now feel anxious this'll be a regular occurrence.
Feel worried about speaking to them as we are new.
Friend suggested putting a 'anonymous note' through the door but don't want to do this as seems a bit odd.
Kind of want to let them know I have kids & this might be a problem but just feel so worried.
Any ideas how I can do this without being 'that person' or anyone been through similar & found a way forward?
Thank you

I would wait to see if this is a regular occurrence or not, might have been a one off. If not then go ask them to turn the music down when it’s on

Hopefully it's just a one off

Very difficult. I don't think any noise ever after 10pm is acceptable but people have different views. You could start by taking them round a chocolate cake and saying new neighbour present and have a chat. Part of that chat could be how glad you are to have such nice neighbours next door but that could they make sure there is no noise after 10pm as you have small children?

Then keep recordings of it (Boris J's neighbours did of his rows with Carrie in a flat as they could hear every word through the wall!!)

I would wait to see if it’s a one off.

If it happens regularly and the noise goes on after 11pm then I’d be asking them to turn it down.

Hopefully it's just while we're only allowed groups outside. The first night the rules lifted to allow 6 in the garden, I had friends over. We were drunk and loud, because we've missed each other so damn much this year. My new neighbours had only moved in the week before so they probably wondered what the hell they were in for. But now we're setting back in to calmer meet ups, round each other's houses, and soon we'll be back at the pub.

Thank you all
Feeling so on edge and tired and just got home to find again very loud music and a group in the garden
I know it's afternoon but my anxiety levels are throug the roof. I can't concentrate on anything
Should go and introduce me and the kids but don't think they will hear the door as music so loud. Wld be nice to relax in our garden

Probably why the previous owner moved unfortunately.

The problem is if the first time you talk to them, you complain about them, it sets the tone for the whole relationship. Despite their behaviour, you become the moany new neighbour.

There was a thread on here a few weeks ago where someone posted about how it’s odd bringing round gifts to neighbours when you make a complaint, I honestly thought they was making it up! I had never seen it suggested on a thread until now 🤣😂 no don’t take gifts round to make a complaint (so no cake!) it might be a one off so best to just wait and see

introduce yourself for a start and get them on side, hope my kids aren't too loud, blah blah if there's a problem let me know. you are now reasonable, if it continues then you speak to them again.
Notes are not really the way forward, an anon note will be realised as probably being from you and that will be seen as bu.
Hope it settles down for you and that they aren't complete tossers.

Don't do the chocolate cake thing, it's silly. You could go and say the music has been too loud and co up of they keep it down and finished by ten.

Could they keep it down

@Xenia

Very difficult. I don't think any noise ever after 10pm is acceptable but people have different views. You could start by taking them round a chocolate cake and saying new neighbour present and have a chat. Part of that chat could be how glad you are to have such nice neighbours next door but that could they make sure there is no noise after 10pm as you have small children?

Then keep recordings of it (Boris J's neighbours did of his rows with Carrie in a flat as they could hear every word through the wall!!)

This is a terrible idea, please don't do any of this!

The 'complaining cake', the illegal recording of total strangers.,.. madness

@TheGumption

The problem is if the first time you talk to them, you complain about them, it sets the tone for the whole relationship. Despite their behaviour, you become the moany new neighbour.

This is what has happened to me with the people next door to me so be careful, I was not happy with their lockdown parties when I couldn't get to see any of my friends/family. They don't talk to me which suits me as I can't stand them anyway! Such a difficult situation hopefully the noise will settle, so many people have no consideration for their neighbours.

I'd go round first of all and introduce myself, all chatty and friendly, and make a connection with them. Put up with the noise for a few days (to see if it quietens down) and then go round again and, in a real sucky-up voice, ask them if they could keep the noise down a bit as you suffer bad migraines/get anxiety attacks/your children are unable to sleep. Smile sweetly all the time and ask if there's a compromise to be done. They're more likely to be accommodating if you've built a rapport with them so keep it friendly to start with. Keep a diary from today and if a visit doesn't help see if the council can do anything. You really don't want to fall out with them if it can be resolved peacefully. Good luck.

If someone came to me in a real sucky-up voice I would turn the music up. Please don't say that you've got kids, your lifestyle choices are not the fault of the neighbours.
Keep it factual, find out what your local area says is reasonable noise and if it continues ask them to keep to it. If they don't, which I imagine they won't, keep a diary and go to the council. It's crap and I feel for you. Are you renting?

Personally I’d wait to see whether the parties are regular occurrences before doing anything. Might just be the novelty of half decent weather and actually being able to see people.

If someone came to me in a real sucky-up voice I would turn the music up.
That says more about you than me.
I would appeal to their better nature first to give them a chance to be decent before involving the council.

Oh thanks so much to everyone who's taken the time to read/reply.. I'm so grateful.
I've actually had really bad experiences with anti-social neighbours before & have found the noise & the last few days really triggering.
To answer a question from one of you -yes, renting. Not an ideal situation at all - I'm hoping I can pop over tomorrow & be all 'hi!!!' & introduce myself without mentioning the noise - I'll try in the morning.
Don't think I'll take a chocolate cake though.

I’d wait until there’s noise after midnight again (hopefully there won’t be) and complain then or the morning after. That way, if they’re not arseholes, they’ll realise they’ve disturbed people’s sleep and be more receptive. Noise in the afternoon or before 10pm at night can be equally infuriating but people are more likely to be defensive about it.

keep the cake and share it with your dc