I have known my in-laws for a couple of decades. My MIL is a very selfish person, lacking in empathy. Her DH is her lapdog and her other children, my DH's siblings are part chip off the old block, part victims of MIL, one of them is the golden child, and very spoilt and self-centered. I have never once seen my MIL do anything for my DH, yet he stands up for all of them if you say anything about them. Over the years my MIL, and SIL has been very bitchy to me. With hindsight, I wish I had been strong enough to tell MIL to jog on, but I loved my DH and I didn't.
Things got a tiny bit better when I had DC because I think she calculated that if she was her usual self, I wouldn't facilitate seeing them with the DC. During this time I have been the person to set up visits and other things, sort out inlaws birthdays, cards, etc., etc. and my DH has done nothing.
What has brought this to a head is that about 2 years ago DH and I had a massive falling out and we separated, but still lived in the same house. During this time my in-laws did not call me once to see if my DC were OK, which they were not, and didn't speak to me for months. Basically, they didn't give a shit. In fact, they enabled my DH to leave me and the DC. DH and I made up and are happy-ish but I now have a feeling of indifference and contempt towards his family. They have never been nice to me and didn't show me or my DC 1 once of empathy when my DH wanted to leave us.
My DC are now teens and are not that keen on them anyway. They will start and visit them less and less. PIL live about 2 hours away so not round the corner. I am still expected to cook Christmas lunches, invite them over, meet up with them and I don't want to. I've also told DH to sort out his own cards and presents and last Christmas I refused to lift a finger. DH is now talking about meeting up with them and I just don't want to. Why can't he go-round on his own, or take 1 or 2 of our DC with him? I go see my family on my own as he's bored to death when with them.
Who is BU here? My DH thinks I am being unkind to them and they are his family. I am not being openly rude to them, and I will spend some time with them. I just don't want to do it as often as I used to.