To think this woman has no business being so involved?

[User3billion]

I'm a parent to a child with Down syndrome & as such I'm on several parent support groups.
I help admin a group for new parents and it's recently come to light that one of the other admin isn't a parent of a child with Down syndrome, in fact she has no link to anyone with the condition at all. She's never explicitly said she has a child with Down syndrome she just allows people to assume that's the case.

This woman gets annoyed with parents who stay in the group if their child is older than 18 months telling them it's not the group for them. She doesn't let people join who are outside the UK (she considers the Channel Islands to be outside the UK) as they don't belong.

Am I unreasonable in thinking she's the one that doesn't belong?

If you've only just learned she doesn't have a child with Down Syndrome, how do you definitively know she doesn't have close ties to another individual with Down Syndrome?

A god child or a niece or nephew. A now deceased sibling or cousin perhaps?

Genuine question.

If she has no ties and never has, then YANBU.

She sounds very odd, whether she has a child with ds or not. Officious little madam.

Does she work with or involved in education of children with special needs? I’d find it odd if she had no links to a relative orthrough work.You’re going to have to ask her!

She definitely doesn't have any close link. She has a child with a different & unrelated additional need but you'd not know from her social media as it's all Down syndrome related.

@GreyhoundG1rl

She sounds very odd, whether she has a child with ds or not. Officious little madam.

Name me a group admin who doesn’t fit this description

It may be slightly odd but I would agree re the. Channel Islands simply because they have a very different health care set up so advice needed may vary significantly.

Very odd indeed,
I'd definitely pull her up on it.

If it’s a group specifically for new parents, is she not doing the right thing by keeping it to under 18 months?

Obviously depends how she moderates that, but gently reminding people taking about secondary school transitions that the focus is early days and first steps, isn’t necessarily wrong.

Is it actually a group that she set up?

@Cocomarine

If it’s a group specifically for new parents, is she not doing the right thing by keeping it to under 18 months?

Obviously depends how she moderates that, but gently reminding people taking about secondary school transitions that the focus is early days and first steps, isn’t necessarily wrong.

Is it actually a group that she set up?

Op says she tries to limit it to 18 months.

I dunno, I have a friend who runs baby massage and other classes etc but doesn't have children. Her educational background is related to child development though!

@Cocomarine so for instance a parent posted asking for advice with regards to physio & rather than answer the question she said "you need to move up to the next group, your child is almost 18 months so too old for this group"
Literally that blunt.

She sounds a bit officious, though I have been on a group that was supposed to be for new parents of twins but the "old guard" didn't move on and it was not really that helpful as they dominated the conversations.

If the group is supposed to be for parents of children with DS who are18 months or younger, and it's important it maintains that role (because, for instance, it's where many parents get sent and it provides an invaluable step into support then the admin is possibly a big asset. (Though possibly a bigger one if her manner were less gruff?).

Sometimes, a bit of distance can help keep a group focused on its mission. But it's hard to know. I don't think it's a matter of "belonging" if she's an admin rather than a member.

I don’t think it’s inherently wrong her belonging to the group. She may work/have worked with DS for instance.
If she’s an admin maybe she helped set up the group? Maybe her child’s condition shares characteristic with DS?

If she’s lying about it, that’s a different matter, and if she’s rude to people that’s not on.

I would bring these things up with her. .

She didn't set up the group, I'm not sure how she ended up as admin. She's active across several DS support groups but definitely no connection. Her child's condition isn't remotely similar to DS.

It's hard to explain why I feel how I do, it feels like she's deliberately trying to deceive people but I don't know why.

@BoomBoomsCousin

She sounds a bit officious, though I have been on a group that was supposed to be for new parents of twins but the "old guard" didn't move on and it was not really that helpful as they dominated the conversations.

If the group is supposed to be for parents of children with DS who are18 months or younger, and it's important it maintains that role (because, for instance, it's where many parents get sent and it provides an invaluable step into support then the admin is possibly a big asset. (Though possibly a bigger one if her manner were less gruff?).

Sometimes, a bit of distance can help keep a group focused on its mission. But it's hard to know. I don't think it's a matter of "belonging" if she's an admin rather than a member.

I agree with this i do have to say, a newborn bf group l was on was dominated by the 'old guard' and their chats and it did feel at times more of a friendship group for the admin, so new mums with posts about tongue tie and latch were swallowed up with posts that were more their random chat.

How do you know she hasn't had a child with Down syndrome? Maybe she had a child who had Down syndrome who died?

I also have a child with DS so I do get what you mean. It’s such a personal experience and to have someone try and claim an understanding they don’t have directly would scream deception to me too.

That's really strange and I do understand how you feel ,my son doesn't have Down Syndrome but he does have a rare chromosome disorders the unique groups on Facebook are specifically for parents of children or very close relatives of children and adults with rare chromosome disorders ,I don't know why someone would want to join if it didn't affect them personally ,also they are secret groups so they want proof of a diagnosis to allow you to join .

Could she have lost a child who had downs syndrome? If not it's really odd

Considering she’s so involved, could she possibly have a sibling affected by DS, or maybe she had a child that she’s lost?

@GreyhoundG1rl I don’t understand your reply to me? You’ve put 18 months in italics, but my post also says 18 months. I don’t know what point you’re trying to make?

[quote User3billion]@Cocomarine so for instance a parent posted asking for advice with regards to physio & rather than answer the question she said "you need to move up to the next group, your child is almost 18 months so too old for this group"
Literally that blunt.[/quote]
Yes, that’s very blunt!
But the message behind do it is fine. If there a obvious “next group”? I think if there are a known series groups and “repeat offenders” the bluntness becomes a little more acceptable!
If it’s set up to help new parents (in their child’s first 18 months) then it is the job of admin to keep an eye on that.

Why not ask her how she came to be involved in the group?

@User3billion

She didn't set up the group, I'm not sure how she ended up as admin. She's active across several DS support groups but definitely no connection. Her child's condition isn't remotely similar to DS.

It's hard to explain why I feel how I do, it feels like she's deliberately trying to deceive people but I don't know why.

How do you know she didn't have a child with ds and they died?

If you don't like the group and/or its admin, find another or set up your own.

You sound quite vindictive tbh.

Do you know explicitly that she didn’t have a child with DS who perhaps died? So while she doesn’t have a child with it now, she still feels connected?

Sorry @3Britnee we cross posted.