Hurtful comments from my mum

[Chiwi]

I just don't know how to move on from this. I rang my mum today (would have told her in person but we live about an hour and a half away and both busy for the next 2 weekends) to tell her I'm pregnant with my second baby, 1st is 16 months. And her reaction was a very serious "oh no!"

Just for context, she does no childcare for me. I'm in a stable, long term relationship, we own our own home and I'm completely financially independent. I don't ask my parents for anything.

They supposedly love my daughter and earlier this week my mum had asked a few days ago if she could have her for a full day every couple of weeks.

What the actual fuck is with this response? I'm actually really upset and don't know how to deal with it. Do I just forget it and move on?

Congratulations on your pregnancy OP 😊 2 years sounds like a lovely age gap!

I told my sister first about my pregnancy - her response (after her ugly cry and congratulations 🤣)... “does mum know yet?! She’s been telling me for the last 2 years that I need to hurry up and give her a grandchild because she says you’re getting too old and clearly aren’t going be giving her one” 😐😳 I got pregnant at 29. Not the youngest but hardly ancient 😐 10 year relationship, good stable jobs, homeowners. And here she is encouraging my then 23yo sister - who is signed off work and medicated for anxiety and depression and has partner who works odd jobs with no guaranteed income - to give her a grandchild 😐😐
Some mothers are just delightful 🙄

This might seem extreme but have you considered she might be suffering from very early signs of dementia.. I know that sounds huge but gradual changes in character and exactly these type of odd reactions were one of the very early things I noticed for my grandma & now my MIL.. my grandma was subsequently diagnosed years later and I saw these things in hindsight. DHs grandma also suffered dementia and I now see these little signs in my MIL.. she is unaware for the most past but my DH has also noticed it. Might be worth considering if it’s more than once & there is any history. Or she could’ve just been mean!!! In any case YANBU and I’m sure she’ll be ecstatic when baby comes xo

Thank you for everyone's lovely messages and congratulations. It's kind of some of you to suggest that she will be ecstatic etc when the baby arrives- I don't think I've ever seen her ecstatic.

I've considered things like dementia or other mental health issues but really I think she has always been like this. Just lockdown and retirement have made me and my brother (and probably dad but he would never talk negatively about her) have taken the brunt.
Recently she's been very keen to tell me she hated having babies, always struggled to bond with us and having children was only worthwhile when we got to be adults

@thenewduchessofhastings only boys!

@Chiwi, my mum was much the same. When I told her I was engaged, aged 25 with a good job, living together etc she said ‘oh why are you doing that? I thought you weren’t the marrying kind!’ Bit of a disappointing reaction really. My MIL and FIL were over the moon and sent a card to say congrats!

I have a great relationship with my mum and love her to pieces but somehow she is able to find something negative in absolutely everything. She can't help it. I know she has to process things so when I told her I was pregnant with my first it was on a normal visit, I got out my scan photo at the end and said by the way I'm pregnant and then left. (Btw I'm 30, married, own home, very sensible) And when I next saw her she had taken it in and she's a lovely grandma. I didn't take it personally that I didn't get tears and a hug etc I know it's not her way.

My mil was same. Thrilled with no1 then was utterly perplexed why we chose to have more. Loved them once they arrived. You can imagine the reaxtion to subsequnet preganacies

Congratulations I have had some distressing responses from my mother to my pregnancies and losses. I am sure my mum hated parenting and it really shows now that she's able to do whatever she wants, as she has retired. It hurts a lot, her lack of interest, so I feel for you. Work.out those who will be excited and interested, unfortunately some people are quite self absorbed.

When we told my in laws I was pregnant with our second child they said ‘Wow’ and then immediately started talking about their allotment.

I have never fathomed what that was about.

Congratulations!