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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this is normal

27 replies

inmyshoos · 26/04/2021 10:07

Teenage girls buying the same fashion items as their friends? They are all wearing the same stuff, same brand leggings and same trainers etc.

My 2 dds don't care if their friends have same stuff or if they have items the same. I personally don't get the problem esp as its a fashion trend and they are teens. But DDs best friend keeps having a go at her for wanting the same stuff. Even when they are all wearing it. It's really upsetting dd.
3 friends in group, 1 has this new jacket, then bf gets it too, dd asks for it and bf hits the roof. Bloody playground stuff I know but it's really getting dd down and she's got enough shit going on in her life.... I just think this is so trivial.

Aibu?

OP posts:
WhoWants2Know · 26/04/2021 10:11

I think it is pretty common for all the girls in a particular age group to be wearing variations on whatever style the high street is throwing at them. Your daughter's BF is unreasonable, but it doesn't hurt to encourage a little individuality and for your daughter to put her own personal twist on a style.

romdowa · 26/04/2021 10:15

Most teenage girls and boys to a lesser extent seem to have the same look. Sounds like your daughters bf is a bit of a bully , why didnt she loose it with the other girl?

CanofCant · 26/04/2021 10:18

It sounds like this girl is trying to exclude your DD.

Original poster
inmyshoos · 26/04/2021 10:19

The other girl had the jacket first.
Bf has a history of feeling she owns certain friends too and if dd speaks to them on social media she kicks off accusing dd of stealing all her friends
I'm totally sick of it. Dd constantly walking on eggshells around this friend.

OP posts:
GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 26/04/2021 10:19

Bf doesn’t sound a great friend to your Dd.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 26/04/2021 10:20

I’d encourage other friendships

apooagnuandyou · 26/04/2021 10:22

It's normal, but it's also better to be the one leading the trend (ie copying from somewhere) than the one buying everything after everybody and looking like a sad follower.

It's VERY tricky to get it right as a teen!

Goldenbear · 26/04/2021 10:24

I agree with you and like others have said, I think she sounds a bit controlling.

My DD is only 9 but wants her hair cut in a bob with a fringe, I am friendly with the parents of her friends and they tell me the other girls are saying the same thing. I think it is a pretty regular occurrence.

CanofCant · 26/04/2021 10:24

Yes, I'd encourage your DD to distance herself from this girl and form other friendships and to stand up for herself against this girl.

Original poster
inmyshoos · 26/04/2021 10:24

I know all this behaviour stems from insecurity and on the whole, when together they have a great friendship but it's all messages. Bf never confronts dd face to face, it's all done over Snapchat and dd ends up apologising for stuff that I'm not sure needs apologising for.

OP posts:
CanofCant · 26/04/2021 10:27

So she's a coward as well as a bully? Poor DD. Do they have long left in the same school together? Does your DD take part in any club or hobbies that would help her strengthen other friendships and give her a better perspective to show her that her BF isn't treating her as she should be?

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 26/04/2021 10:31

So I think your Dd would do well to practice the art of not a apologising. I’ve had to try that with my Dd, and getting her to think before always saying “sorry” - including to me!

If she can develop her own style that’s also very healthy.

Original poster
inmyshoos · 26/04/2021 10:32

Not at same school. We live rurally. So not huge friendship pool here. This girl at a school in the nearest town

OP posts:
AnnieAnoniMouse · 26/04/2021 10:41

Not a problem we've had (yet, anyway) they seem to have a communal wardrobe, which I find a bit annoying, BUT she's happy & frankly right now that's worth a LOT.

I think you can't change her bf's behaviour, but you can empower DD to stand up fir herself a bit more. Enable not to be so 'sorry' and strong enough to tell her 'bf' she doesn't own the fashion & get her to look at the situation before automaticalkynapologiding & giving the Bf the impression she's right & can dictate what DD wears & who she is friends with

Original poster
inmyshoos · 26/04/2021 12:53

Think dd quite secure in herself but bf is all about how everyone looks and that is definitely rubbing off on dd.

OP posts:
Onesnowynight · 26/04/2021 13:01

She sounds like a nasty little bully this so called friend.

MarcelinesMa · 26/04/2021 13:16

I think it’s pretty common for one group of friends to all dress the same at this age. The girl who’s being horrible to your daughter about it sounds like she’s using this as a stick to beat her with- a power play or attempting to exclude her from their group. I don’t really have any advice but wanted to add my voice to others- this isn’t your daughter’s fault, she’s not done anything wrong.

HollowTalk · 26/04/2021 13:24

She's a bully, isn't she? The problem is that you don't want your daughter to think it's normal behaviour, otherwise when she has relationships with boys she'll accept it there, too.

I'd teach her strategies for how to cope when it happens, when to go offline and how to not apologise when she hasn't done something wrong.

Is this girl the only girl in the family? I think when girls have sisters they get used to wearing similar clothes.

FooFighter99 · 26/04/2021 13:28

Sounds like your DD needs a new Bf!

Aunthe · 26/04/2021 13:31

think it is pretty common for all the girls in a particular age group to be wearing variations on whatever style the high street is throwing at them. Your daughter's BF is unreasonable, but it doesn't hurt to encourage a little individuality and for your daughter to put her own personal twist on a style.

This. That said though it is pretty crap to buy the exact same thing. Variations on a theme, absolutely, but the exact same thing, nah. I wouldn't have done that as a teenager, wouldn't want to be an exact copy. DD has this problem with her BF. Buys quite a few things DD gets, same style, colour etc. Drives DD up the wall but she'd never dream of saying anything to her friend. She just gets vague on where is was from, or gives wrong answer, especially after BF wanted exact same winter coat. BF is free to shop where she wants for whatever she wants, but I could see why DD was peeved.

But this sounds different, your DD's BF wants to copy and then stop others doing so. That's just a Mean girl.

FooFighter99 · 26/04/2021 13:34

Sorry, posted too soon!

We all had those horrific bright colored Kappa tracksuits back in the day - or the Adidas pants with the poppers up the side Grin or even men's shirts (can't remember the brand)

Everyone wanted them and had them, and my BF would never have had a go at me if I bought the same thing she had, cos we were BF's!!!

YouShouldLeave · 26/04/2021 13:53

Ugh, i hated when i found something cool and soon my friend at the time would get the same damn thing!

I still do hate copy-cats.

goldierocks · 26/04/2021 14:05

I think it depends. Same style/trend/brand = fine, exactly the same item including colour), = not so fine.

If I was going out in a small group, I'd be pretty embarrassed if one of my friends turned up in the same complete outfit. I'm sure a teenager would feel even more embarrassed in that situation.

HollowTalk · 26/04/2021 16:56

@YouShouldLeave

Ugh, i hated when i found something cool and soon my friend at the time would get the same damn thing!

I still do hate copy-cats.

But the OP's daughter's friend is a copy cat too! She's copying from their other friend but hates it when the OP's daughter copies her.
starbrightstarlight8888 · 26/04/2021 17:01

I has this at school. I'd buy stuff then my best friend always bought the exact same thing straight away after and I mean every single thing.
It wouldn't be so bad if it was the odd thing here and there or in a slightly different style from a shop but it was always the exact same one.

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