How to deal with neighbours

[Humpf07]

I bought and moved into my terraced house just before lockdown and have been working from home until my maternity leave started in March.

There is a retired couple next door who have two "yippy" dogs - bark at cats, people passing, if Mrs Yip is having a nattter with another neighbour and if I enter my garden. The husband is also quite deaf so the wife shouts at him a lot. They are very regimented and have been here nearly 50 years. I would say their relationship isn't too great either.

When I moved in subtle hints were given to them about the noise the dogs were making (I couldn't have a window open and even closed the noise was loud) and eventually some stronger words had where I told him he hasn't got control of his dogs and he resorted to insults calling me and family member ignorant b***s.

They also initially tried to lay the law down about parking, he cleans my patio to make a point (it's not to his standards.. although my house/garden has been re done and is a vast improvement on previous owners efforts) and tried to say my roof was leaking and affecting his side. (He's had a new roof and no problem since funnily enough)

On several occasions he has been banging on the kitchen window or knocked the door and if I have not answered straight away has gone over to my family member's house who live further up the street... to inform them/me that my car tyre is low or the old owner wants his mail. He also calls through/bangs the kitchen window to get our attention.

Since the "words" about the dogs I have tried to let a lot of this slide and we were back on reasonable ground. We are (myself my partner and family further up) quite polite but private people who like a bit of peace now and again. Neighbours on the other hand know everyone and are seen daily in the street gossiping and I think possibly quite like having their presence known via yipping dogs.

Since my partner moved in he has outright asked about his work, location, name, where he is from, his shift work , where his car has been the last few weeks etc?! etc.. and I have reluctantly given this information up.... as to not come across as a rude ignorant b again .....

I am often reluctant to even peg out washing for fear of being caught in the garden.

The final straw was yesterday when my "inlaws" took the baby out to give me a rest. He was straight out in the front garden asking them to pull their car forward so Mrs Yip can easily get back on drive... then when I answered the door he had to know who they were, assumed and stated the reason they were here and asked where my partner was. All while his dog is bounding around on my lawn. I was embarrassed and the inlaws seemed taken by surprise as they had barely said hello to me before the interrogation.

And that's how it feels... an interrogation. We cannot seem to do anything privately.
I dont want to fall out with them again but I would like some privacy.

How can I get this across to them without falling out again?

Thanks in advance for any suggestions/advice.

I would say something like, " wow you're always wanting to know my business!" You ask me so many questions, or why do you need to know this... answer his question with a question basically. Don't give him the satisfaction of knowing your business... you could always say, no disrespect but this isn't any of your business and I never ask you such personal questions, I get you need the car being moved but the other questions are really none of your business. Sometimes you've just got to say what you mean but politely, if they take offense, they have a problem not you. Just because they're are part of the furniture in the area you live does not give them the right to know everything about you or your relatives.

Just smile and be silent. Then after the awkward moments that follow, say goodbye and close the door or turn away if you are outside. Baffle them/him with vagueness.

Why don’t you want to fall out with them when not falling out with them sounds fucking horrendous? I’d fall out with them all day long if it would stop them chalking my door to talk about tyre pressure.

*chapping

Stop answering all the questions he's a noisy bastard and want to be in charge.
Dogs on your lawn. "Catch your dogs and get them in your own yard?"
Washing your patio. "Get out of my garden, you don't have permission to do this"
He'll say he's being nice, but he isn't. He's being nosey and controlling.
Snap back at him or he will make you hate living there. Stop being a doormat. Once you put your foot down, he'll try some more to get you to back down. Don't back down.

Well it doesn't sound as though there is much good feeling at the moment, so I wouldn't worry!

You don't need to be ruse, but you can be firm.

How does he get in to your garden to wash the patio? Can you not put a lock on the gate?
Every time he asks an intrusive question either ignore, ask why he needs to know, tell him he doesn't need to know, or turn it around and ask the question back.
I would be asking the dogs to be removed from your property - especially with a baby. It won't be long before they are crawling on the grass the dogs have been all over.

Your neighbour is a bullying dickhead.

Since my partner moved in he has outright asked about his work, location, name, where he is from, his shift work , where his car has been the last few weeks etc?! etc.. and I have reluctantly given this information up.... as to not come across as a rude ignorant b again .....

Learn to tell bullies NO and if they call you ignorant bastards, tell them better than being a bullying twat and leave.

Learn that it's not coming across as an 'ignorant bastard' to maintain boundaries with neighbours.

Nip this shit in the bud right now! ALL of you.

What FedUp said.

What a nightmare. Im with previous poster, I go into 'vague' mode with folk who ask a lot of questions. Im very reserved with neighbours as we have a few who, given the chance would love to know all your business. They tend to get bored and move on when all they get is hmmm, not sure, don't know, you will have to ask someone else or just silence and don't answer. Keep neighbours at a distance, most of them given an inch will take a mile. Polite but distant, good fences make good neighbours.

I find 'none of your business' but said with a massive smile really knocks nosy fuckers off their stride. They can't really get affronted when you're grinning at them but it doesn't leave them anywhere to go with their questions either. The rest is boundaries really OP, you do need to tell him no to stuff like cleaning your patio and allowing his dog in your lawn, it's your property and you don't have to let him!

I would tell huge whooping lies, partner just out on parole, in laws are part of a crime syndicate and are actually cousins but hey what can you do, you earn at least £100k a year and could afford a better house but you are saving to buy a yacht to sail round the world in but you are a bit worried that crime syndicate family will make you smuggle drugs and btw, GET YOUR FUCKING DOG OFF MY LAWN!

Wear headphones when you go in the garden and just ignore them.
Complain loudly to DH about how your hearing is failing...
Wait a few years until they move on to the next life sorry op.

In fact, have you considered/are you able to raise the fence? Or get some large potted plants to obstruct certain views, without specifically planting things? (They can then be moved about).Lockdown has sadly brought much of this behaviour out. I have a neighbour who, if they catch me talks constantly. The good thing being they talk so much about themselves, I don't have to answer anything. I just keep moving towards my door.

Omfg @thebabessavedme yes! yes! yes!!!!!
play games with them- they'll be sharing your business around the town so make them look crazy. and if any neighbours ask you about your drug farm play dumb oh Poor Mr yapp. I think he's losing it you know

Jesus, they sound horrendous! It's a shame you've only just moved there. Don't feel the need to answer his questions. Be polite but distant. e.g. interrogating you about your inlaws - 'good morning Mr Yip; please remove your dog from my lawn, thanks,' shut door in his face. When he knocks for no reason (personally, I wouldn't answer it, but if you feel you must), 'good morning Mr Yip. Please don't knock unless there's an emergency, thank you' close door in his face etc. Hopefully after a couple of months he'll get the message. It won't stop him bitching to other people, but you may get some peace.

I would be perfectly prepared to fall out with them. I couldn't and wouldn't live like that.

Be vague and put it back on the
"Who are they"
Juan and John , who were your last visitors ?
" where do you work?"
Other side of town , where did you work ?"
If they persist say " why do you need to know? With a smile
Have conversations changing topics really " how the barking training going ? I've noticed a slight improvement "
" your geraniums are looking lovely fo you feed them "

@Seeline

He jumps over some just above waist height railings between the gardens near the house/back doors....

Which I have told him he can do because the new people the other side needed to bring some stuff over the back (there is no access to the back) once again he was making a right fuss (he is on the end of terrace so acts like the gate keeper and tries to make a right faff) and I made it clear at the time I had no issue with them taking stuff over the back while they moved in or him (anything to get him off my back)

Once again I was afraid that I would be down as the b and be made to look like I was the one being awkward for the new neighbours.

You need a higher fence for a start then OP, or something big and heavy conveniently placed to block his path, assuming you don't want to just tell him to stop.

STOP ANSWERING HIS INSANE QUESTIONS!!!!!

Honestly, why are you telling him anything?! Why are you letting him touch/enter your property?!! Why are you doing any of this??? Stop it all immediately. Stand up for yourself.

I agree, better physical boundaries are needed. Higher fence, trellis on top, large potted plants lining the fence, anything that will make it more difficult (ideally impossible) for him to hop over the fence.

I'd start being vague or parroting back his questions to him. Tbh, the time has come to stop caring if he thinks you're a b** (whatever that is... bitch? bastard?). Even if that means the neighbours think less of you! I very much doubt the neighbours will care. Surely most of them are privately sick of him, too, or at the least know what he's like and just nod along to keep the peace.

I understand wanting to keep things are drama-free as possible, but he's not being reasonable. You can keep answering his interrogations, if you think that's preferable to the alternative, but if the interrogations are too frustrating, you may not be any better off than you were when he was annoyed with you.

Sorry, you told him it’s ok to climb over railings - is this into your property? Why on earth would there be any reason for that? People who live in terraces need to take stuff through their houses surely? Not ideal but that goes with the territory. It’s not your job to solve this stuff.

I can’t understand why you would answer all their intrusive questions either. If you behave like a total doormat, don’t be surprised if people wipe feet on you, basically.

Some assertiveness training might be helpful?

Higher fences and lie outrageously.

My Dad makes up the most ridiculous shit when people ask him questions. He had the whole street thinking he was converting his cellar into a bar with a hot tub at one point (he was just doing some wallpapering). The old codger doesn't even have a cellar