Ignored Breast Cancer For 1 Year

[PixiePopp]

My mum just diagnosed had a lump she ignored for a year. Eventually she has had a biopsy and it's been confirmed as breast cancer. It's 2cm and we are waiting to find out if there is lymph nodes involved.

AIBU to be annoyed she left it for for so long? And has anyone known of anyone who has ignored breast cancer for 12 months and been ok? I can't lose her.

It's so difficult, isn't it? I felt really powerless when my mum was diagnosed. She had an aggressive 6cm tumour (grade 3) which had spread to her lymph nodes (so, stage 3). Nobody was saying anything we wanted to hear. But that was nearly 15 years ago and she's still going strong (well, physically anyway - she now has Alzheimer's unfortunately). Surprisingly, she didn't need a mastectomy, 'just' the lump removed, along with the lymph nodes on that side of her body, followed by chemo and radiotherapy, then Herceptin. It was a long old journey, but she came out the other side.

I hope your mum will be ok and don't forget to look after yourself while you're looking after her

The thing we find difficult is that it's Grade 2. So in the middle. How aggressive is that? And no sign of lymph nodes spread on scans - good but could it still have spread elsewhere and how likely is that? My Dad is going with my Mum to the appointments. They don't like questioning Doctors. But they have these unanswered questions and without the questions we all just worry.

Can I recommend Breastcancer uk forum. There is loads of info on there. But really the 'what ifs' are natural but not really helpful. Generally, grade 3 means chemo. Your mum's cancer is quite small but then again, mine was a bit bigger than expected. You can have a 10 cm tumour and it still be grade 2. Size is not what counts it is what the cells are doing and how different they are from normal cells. I know what it is like waiting - one of my margins wouldn't clear so I had four ops in the end - one a month from May to August. To be honest, the lumpectomy is ok. The sentinel nodes biopsy is more painful and my under arm is still a bit numb. Really recommend taking tumeric to reduce post op and radio inflamation. Do all exercises. Breast cancer has had tons of research and is well funded with lots of support. Perhaps you could go to the med appointments too?

I shall pass on the Tumeric tip thanks. I think it is just the waiting and not knowing that is so scary.

It’s a scary thing to admit that you might have breast cancer. I ignored my lump for 2 months (I have a history of fibroids and this lump felt different).

All fine now though.

I know this is frightening but being angry with your mum isn't going to help either of you. You need to find a way to process your fear that doesn't manifest as anger.

I don't think you get to be annoyed at someone for having cancer. And it's not been the best year for medical problems, alot of us have been ignoring stuff. It sounds like the tests are going well, try to stay calm for her. Hope it goes well for you both.

Sending flowers to you all.

Don’t know about your mum’s situation, but I do know that breast cancer care is generally good in this country.

I would never and haven't shown my mum in anyway my feelings on how long it took to get a diagnosis. Nor would I.

I just want to know if the size of the cancer and grade means that it might be of even after 12 months?

I know there is no answer to that really until surgery. That's not scheduled for over a month so there is still more waiting.

I am currently having treatment for breast cancer. Mine was 2cm but grade one. My lymph nodes showed clear on the scan and were clear when removed, they remove the sentinel node or nodes, there can be more than one, to check. I think the doctors have a very good idea of what they are looking at from mammograms, scans and biopsies. All I can say is the waiting is the worst. Once you have a diagnosis and treatment plan you have something to focus on. Please try not to worry too much, easier said than done I know but breast cancer treatment is so good these days and the care your mum will receive will be second to none. Was she given a phone number for the breast care nurses? I was given this at my first appt. They can be phoned any time with any questions. If she hasn't got this she could phone the breast care unit anyway and ask to speak to a nurse. Good luck to you all.

Sorry to hear this PixiePopp. What a horrible and scary situation for you both.

My mother has had a lump on her back near her spine for two years (two years since I saw it - no idea how long it had been there) and no matter what I do she won’t go to the doctor about it. I’ve calmly reasoned, I’ve cried and I’ve shouted but she insists that it’s fine and she doesn’t want to go. It’s the most awful thing and I’m filled with sheer terror for her and so much guilt for me because I can’t get her to get it checked out. I wish that she was my child and I could force her to go but I’ve been trying and trying and nothing I say makes any difference.

So YANBU to be annoyed, it’s so upsetting and frustrating and terrifying. I can’t understand why anyone wouldn’t get something like that checked out as soon as possible, but no point in giving her a hard time over it now. Thank god she’s getting it sorted while it’s still small. You do hear of people who go undiagnosed for years and make full recoveries.

Sending good wishes to your family.

I worked as a nurse on a breast surgery ward years ago and it wasn’t uncommon at all for patients to present late, sometimes very late indeed. It’s usually a denial thing which is led by fear.

If you think of her with a background of terror for the last year it will help you overcome anger and find your compassion. That’s genuinely not a snip at you, I’m sure most of us would have a similar response.

Best wishes to you all.

@MatildaTheCat in your experience did these patients have good outcomes? (Some of the time at least). And does the small size mean spread is unlikely or is it not related to size at all?

Yes many people are in denial and don't want to face up to worrying symptoms. Hope your mum is ok.

My mum is so scared now. I've just had a baby. She is a carer for my brother and my Dad. I wish I could tell her it was all OK. The operation is quite a few weeks away and it's just getting her through the next few weeks.

www.cancerresearchuk.org/about-cancer/breast-cancer/survival

The 5 year life expectancy for a grade 2 breast cancer is really very good - more than 90% of people survive 5 years. So provided she completes treatment, she has great chances of survival (in research terms, 5 years means you survived it). And remember these will be old stats (by definition, these people had cancer treatment more than 5 years ago, and treatment will have improved in the meantime). She should talk to her breast nurse about this, and all her worries.

Don't underestimate that the treatment will be tough though, physically and psychologically. The psychological impacts are huge, and if she has denied it for this long it suggests she is already overwhelmed with her caring responsibilities and will find it hard to look after herself. It is very hard (impossible) to care for others consistently when going through chemo and recovery from a lumpectomy. Sometimes you can, but sometimes you really can't, and when that is can be quite unpredictable. She will need a lot of support, as will those she cares for. Again, she needs to speak to her breast cancer nurse about her worries. Macmillan can be very supportive too. She needs to rally every last troup. Everything helps - see if a rota for cooking can be organised etc. If at all possible, get a cleaner, ironing sent out. Every bit of outsourcing possible.

Thus speaks the voice of experience - I completed my BC treatment last week.

Yabu, but it's clearly coming from a place of real fear, I feel for you so much.

I just want to comment on your sentence 'I can't lose her', which seems to be where this anger is coming from. I know you've had some amazingly positive stories on here which give hope, although of course they're not much reassurance as you don't know for sure how things will go for your mum. But as someone who has lost a mum, I wanted to tell you that as much as I hope that isn't the case for you, if it does happen, when it eventually happens for whatever reason, you'll cope. You think you won't, but you will.

Hoping for a positive outcome for you and your mum

A colleague at work's mother ignored hers for a long time - she had a phobic fear of doctors and hospitals. In the end it had become so bad her family found out and frogmarched her to the doctors.

And despite the fact it had got so far she survived with it (no operation but hormone treatment) until dying of something else at a good age.

OP - I think a lot of your fear comes from not understanding exactly how breast cancer works. And the stage vs grade thing is confusing.

There are both stages and grades. You say she is grade 2. This is about the tumor. There are grades 1-3.
Grade 1 is a cancer that looks most like normal breast cells and grows the slowest, 2 is medium, 3 is most abnormal and grows the fastest.

THEN there are stages of cancer and often this is what determines survival. If your mother has a 2cm tumor and no lymph node involvement, she is probably stage 1. This is the best stage with the highest chance of survival. The surgery is still to check a lymph node because cancer from the breast travels through the lymph system usually. Almost everyone I know had a “sentinel” lymph node taken to make sure their lymph nodes were clear during breast cancer. The fact her scans are clear is a very good sign. So you may be terrified the cancer is somewhere else in her body but it has to get there through her lymph nodes, so if the lymph nodes are clear, then the cancer has (very, VERY likely - 99% chance) not spread.
Stage 1 - you have a tumor and it has not spread
Stage 2 - it has spread to surrounding lymph nodes but not beyond
Stage 3 - it has spread to another organ
Stage 4 - the cancer is widespread to other organs
You may have often heard someone refer to having “stage 4 cancer” as a terminal cancer because it is usually impossible to recover from this.

After they do the surgery and ensure that the lymph nodes are fine, they will probably tell you that she has stage 1 breast cancer, and they’ve already told you from the biopsy it was grade 2.

Someone above quoted you the chance of survival with stage 2 (over 90%) so as you can imagine the survival odds with stage 1 are even higher.

Not breast cancer but my mum ignored stomach cancer for a good 18 months, maybe even longer tbh. She would constantly be sick after eating, always had indigestion, always burping. It wasn’t until she started pooing blood and my dad was having a check up (post stroke) that he bought it up. She was diagnosed straight away, when she had the tube down her throat. They didn’t even have to wait until the biopsy came back. Sadly she died 6 months later. It breaks my heart that she waited so long but she was convinced it was just an ulcer.

Breast cancer is not one disease, it’s many as there are various types/stages. It may be that there’s nothing more than Stage 2, and your mum can have surgery and radiotherapy plus hormone therapy. They need to see whether there is a spread to the lymph nodes. She still may need chemo, even if there isn’t a spread, once the tumour is properly analysed. Treatment has come on leaps and bounds. I totally understand you are aghast she ignored this, but in these times it is harder than ever, and more scary, to access help

Anger is part of the process, too, though please don't let your mum know you are angry for her not bringing this forward sooner. Being angry isn't going to change the past or the outcome. So far, despite the delay, you are having all the news break your way - its a relatively small tumor, probably estrogen driven (don't think you mentioned if it was?), no obvious nodal involvement. If she is having surgery first then that is also a good sign - a larger, more aggressive, or different hormone type of cancer would have chemo first.

As others have noted, breast cancer is highly variable depending on a lot of different inputs - this is not one-size-fits all and treatments have started to reflect that. Until you have walked this path, though, you wouldn't know. Over the next few weeks you should learn and be used to the terminology and your fear and anger will subside.

Also, just to note, the Stages referenced by @SudokuWillNotSaveYou are not that quite cut and dried. Staging is done by tumor size (T), node involvement (N), and distant metastases (M) as well as hormone receptor type and grade. Stage III typically means a high number of nodes as well as some local spread to nodes in the collarbone. Stage IV is spread to anywhere else including most typical sites of bones, liver, lung, brain. Breast cancer at all stages is treatable, but it is not curable at Stage IV.

Please don’t be annoyed for anything or anyone in terms of cancer. It’s really scary. It gets thrown at people and they just have to cope. My mum survived at a diagnosis aged 81! Lucky she had DCIS which was caught after three ops. Hug to you and mum at this difficult time x

I have it in my head that something like 70% of breast cancers are diagnosed at 2.5cm or smaller. 2cm is not considered relatively large.

My friend was convinced that she got an extra year of good quality life by ignoring a lump. She had asked GP about the lump, who said probably related to breastfeeding. When she was diagnosed a year later (breastfeeding had stopped but lump bigger) -- the docs very soon told her that it was an aggressive always killer type & they could do nothing to extend her life. That was the flat out instant news even though she had no known secondaries yet. She said that it was a sort of cancer that tends to not spread until disturbed; biopsy disturbed it.

She died a year after diagnosis, btw.

DH has an elderly relatively who I strongly suspect has a cancer -- he doesn't want to know. Having to live with the knowledge or to even take decisions about it, would just be extra stress. Day to day his quality of life is what he wants, the knowledge of cancer would ruin that.