Does anyone regret paying for a private secondary education for your DC?

[Aperole]

We are considering moving our DD to a private school, she has mild SEN/ASD and I think that a smaller independent secondary school could be the best option after all the school lockdowns + her current school has 2,000 pupils...

The fees are around £13,000 , so just wondering if you think that it is worth paying for a private secondary school for their DC's..? TIA

I did and don't regret it. It helped make my dd a more confident person. Her introverted personality would have otherwise made her secondary education very tough. She went to a nurturing school that was a good fit for her. Each child is different so it is finding the right school for each child whether that be private or state.

We have done it, DC1 is dyslexic, he has a great group of friends has grown in confidence and is thriving. The teachers know the children and he is getting the support he needs.
Best of all is the behaviour of the children at school, no more bullying and a much safer environment.

Thanks for your replies , i do think that children from a private school are often more confident , i’m also considering seeing if my daughter can repeat a year ( as the covid lockdowns have been tough for her and we’ve had periods of school refusal )

My mum has said can’t we find a state school that she would be able to go to , but i think that she will get to access a wider curriculum too at the independent school we’ve found ...

I sent one of my children to private school because he had a specific need and I have never regretted it.

Did it for the senior cycle for one of ours. It was eye-wateringly expensive but so very worth it. Not so much in terms of hot-housing results (did very well) but in terms of smaller class size, and more college-like educational environment.

Bad idea - mainstream independent schools are not necessarily any better at SEN than state funded schools. They can be quite intolerant. Many of these schools are quite focused on academic attainment in ways that are anxiety provoking for bright autistic girls.

If you're wanting to do it, talk to the senior school staff in detail about all the things she struggles with in advance. Don't hide anything or play anything down just to get her in. Find out how many children they have with SEN - and which needs they have / severity of needs. A school that does well with a few children with dyslexia won't necessarily have the expertise for autism.

If you come to the conclusion specialist independent provision is going to be a better fit and you're looking at specialist provision for autism, it'll be much much more expensive than £13k and you'll need to obtain an EHCP and eventually LA funding for the right place.

I think private education is often helpful for all the reasons we know (smaller classes, more facilities, less stressed teachers), but in particular it can be helpful for kids who need more attention.

I have a young relative with mild ASD and she has done a million times better in a small private school than she did in her big comprehensive. It is a mainstream school, but it has a great dyslexia unit and has built a rep for being good with ‘quirky’ kids including a variety of ASD. It IS important to find the right place, many private schools will not be interested - but some of those will still take your money.

I would take the poster above with a pinch of salt, she is wrong to say that many high functioning ASD children don’t flourish in mainstream private education with a degree of support, not all ASD kids need or would benefit from a specialist school. Bur it is true you need to get very clear on your daughter’s needs and drill into each school’s provisions.

Independent schools, particularly small ones, can be weak on SEN provision. Independent schools are not bound by the same regulations as mainstream state schools when it comes to SEN provision and as such some do not cater for SEN students at all. Staff may have minimal training, there may well be no TAs or provision for other 1-1 support, and there may not be a dedicated SENCo. Therefore do bear this in mind and ask questions when you visit to ensure they have the resources your child needs. Always remember independent schools are called independent schools for a reason - this can be a positive but also a drawback if your child needs additional support the school won’t provide.

As someone who has taught in the independent sector for some years, I can also affirm that a) the calibre of teaching is no better than in state b) the calibre of teaching is often worse. What is better is class sizes and the possibilities for individual attention. But assuming your child will get a better education from superior teachers is naive. I taught in state before moving to independent and the teachers I worked with in the state sector were leagues ahead of some of my present colleagues!

What you’re paying for is facilities, activities, individual attention and a network of peers from the ‘right’ background. You won’t necessarily get a better academic education, but you will often get a more nurturing environment where your child is truly known as an individual by all of their teachers. So it depends what you’re after really. £13k isn’t much for secondary fees (it’s edging £25k pa in my neck of the woods) but is it a lot for you? Will it put you under financial pressure? If so I’d be very careful with my choice. Independent isn’t automatically better and in my time in independent teaching, I’ve taught some children with additional needs who I know would have been better off in the local state due to their far superior SEN provision.

My friends really regret it. They feel that they wasted a lot of money on private school fees for their older two children (two different schools) and they were underwhelmed with the education that was on offer. They sent their third child to the local comp and they are very happy with it - he is thriving socially and outperforming his siblings academically.

A lot will depend on individual schools rather than the sector as a whole. And the needs of the individual child.

Yes I do regret it. There was bullying and spitefulness and that was just the teachers! Sent to local school in the end and that worked well.

Depends on the school. Some are woefully backwards and some are miles ahead when it comes to SEN.
Fees of £13k aren’t huge so the school won’t be rolling in money and will be careful about how they spend their money. The more clapped-out the school looks the better, because if it is all pretty and well-maintained then it won’t have much money left to offer a better educational experience nor to focus on state of the art SEN support. I moved one of my DC (similar to your I am sure) from a tiny ‘pastoral’ private school to one with over 1,000 kids, because rather paradoxically the latter can treat the kids as individuals when that is needed. The small school simply couldn’t afford to offer differentiated support. Nor could it properly address bullying against those with SEN or offer better friendship opportunities for a host of reasons (the main one being that at smaller schools there is far more pressure to fit in so ‘alphas’ rule and non-alphas get isolated (especially when the school relies on income from the alpha families). I’ve seen some pretty awful stuff going on that simply wouldn’t be tolerated in state. Fortunately I’ve also seen the right private schools absolutely turning it round for struggling kids and giving them a truly supportive (and dare I say it - ‘happy’) experience.

Thanks for your replies , the private school i’m considering is in the Independent school Parent website ‘recommended schools for SEN needs’

I’ve requested a meeting with them and will go and visit the school.

My daughters current school has quite a lot of things in place to help her and i have regular emails with her TA who is lovely and they do have a good relationship .

But she does not do PE, due to previous bullying in that lesson , she also currently does not go to the first thing tutor set , this is to help her get in to school for lessons in the morning .

My DD has always struggled with friendships and goes to the Learning support room at breaks and lunchtimes, where she can sometimes be there on her own due to year groups being split up because of covid restrictions which i’m unhappy about .

So I’m looking at an independent school not just for the educational aspect , but for the all round experience and the activities they offer ..,

If she did go it would be to start in year 10, which possibly isn’t a great time to change schools ..?

We would also be stretching ourselves to pay the £13,000 PA fees , but i feel education experience is so important . She would’ve leaving her current school next year (when she is 15) and they have advised her to go to do catering at college, which i think is early to make that choice ,,?

Thanks for reading of you’ve got this far ! :)

@Aperole sounds to me like you’re making a sensible decision here. If the school comes recommended for SEN provision (though schools do pay to get featured on those websites so they’re not as impartial as you might think!) then they must have a good set up compared to other independents.

My advice as a teacher would be -

When you visit, pay attention to how the students behave in the corridors. Try to hang around to see what lesson changeover looks like - how do students leave the classroom - is there a thank you very much to the teacher as they leave and a clear environment of respect? When you pop into the classroom, what kind of learning experience are you seeing? Is it engaging and dynamic or is there lots of textbooks and copying? Pay attention to the toilets - in a school that cares about its students these are kept clean and well stocked and girls feel safe to use them. See what happens as children move around the school - do they hold doors open for adults etc, do the children engage positively with the adults they see and do the adults they see engage positively with them (do they know their names, is there a hi Sophie, how are you?’ from a passing teacher etc)?

In my school experience, a school that creates an environment of mutual respect between teachers and pupils is a good place to be. If you see any signs of fear between an adult and a child then you’re not onto a winner.

And many people move their children to independent at year 10 so that is actually a natural movement point, before external exams start. Don’t worry about that. It’s a good time to move.

Good luck - independent schools can absolutely be worth the money if they’re right for your child and offer what they need to thrive.

@EnidSpyton thank you for your reply , that is really helpful , I will go and see the school this week and think about those things in relation to my DD . I am leaning towards this option, i’d we don’t do it now it will be too late

OP I have a friend employed to provide 1-2-1 support funded by the LA in an independent school. I also happen to know the child's family. In our city this school, with many independents, sells itself on pastoral care. Be mindful that these schools act as businesses. Even though the child in question is funded, my friend is expected to provide support for other children. This was particularly evident when they furloughed other staff....
Also there is absolutely no garantee that smaller class sizes etc mean it is easier for your DC to socialise . My friend basically spends her breaks with the child in question rather than the school encouraging inclusivity.

I did it and haven't regretted it for a second. DD has mild SEN and went to a state primary. The head and SENCO there warned me not to send her to our local senior school because she wouldn't survive. She is now Y10 in a lovely caring small independent school. Plenty of kids with some SEN, plenty without, very caring teachers who really take the time to get to know the kids. Any problems are worked through. I'm so pleased and so relieved. The difference in DD is palpable. Absolutely do it.

@willstarttomorrow thank you for telling me about your experience... That is quite shocking, I am thining that this school might be the magic ingredient to help my daughter - but its not that easy ...

i think i need to look at it, I know someone whos DD also goes there, so I will speak to her again and think about all the pros / cons of moving DD,...

@Aperole
Did you move your DC? How are they settling in? Would you recommend this type of move?

I don't have a kid at school, but I am a teacher and have taught at private schools and state schools. Just be careful. Private schools will sell themselves to you, and they will often present their facilities and their support services in glossy ways that don't actually represent the reality of what they offer. State schools actually often have far more, and far better, SEN support than private schools, though it does depend on the school. Also, some private schools can be very academic and grades-focused, which can be isolating and demoralising for kids that don't achieve those high grades, i.e. more bullying etc. It might be better for your kid, but it might not, so do your homework before making a decision. Money doesn't always equal a better experience.