To be irked about these chocolate oranges?

[imaginethemdragons]

I work 6 days a week.
I have 2 kids.
I leave the house at 6am and get home after 6pm most days.
I’ve worked throughout the last 12 months 60 hours a week. I am a front line nurse.

I live 10 minutes from my mother. She is the only person in my bubble.
She needs knee replacement, has a dodgy heart so has had lots of appointments for cardiac investigators and for assessment for her knee.
I take her food shopping weekly as it’s the only time she gets to go out other than me taking her to her medical appointments.
My DH does diy around her house for her.
She comes to me every Christmas, I take her out for her birthday etc..

My sister lives 10 minutes from her, has one grown up child. Only has herself to bother about. She goes to her pils regularly, takes lavish presents, invites them for meals.
My mum got a card & a home bargains candle for her 70th from my sister. Nothing for Christmas.

I have asked her for some help around medical appointments, answer was a no, sorry I can’t help.
Has popped in to see my mum probably 3 times in the last 8 months, to pick up things like birthday presents from my mum to her, her partner (who my mum hasn’t seen for 2 years) or her child (who my mum hasn’t seen for over 2 years).
Every few weeks my mum has a chocolate orange in her shopping trolley. She doesn’t like chocolate oranges.
Turns out she collects them as they are my sisters favourite to give to her when she sees her.
I get, have never had, a single thing. Not even a bloody Mars bar.
I was bloody mad.
Anyhow, I’m struggling to be able to carry on this level of support so I’ve asked my sister to take my mum shopping for a couple of months to give me a break. She has agreed thank goodness.
But I’m mad about the bloody chocolate oranges. I love a chocolate orange I do.
It just doesn’t seem bloody fair does it.

@TerrifiedandWorried

It could be that your mum can see that you love her because you show her every day by your actions but she is not secure that your sister does so tries to please her.

I think it might be this. Doesn't make it seem any less unfair but at least you don't have to be bribed with chocolate oranges to see your mum.

Glad it's not just me then that has this problem. I have a brother otherwise known as "the prodigal son".

you get in there and eat those kings of confectionery yourself
BEST. ADVICE EVER..,

My mums sister used to live in the US, so it was down to my mum to look after my Grandma.

Auntie would come over every few years and shower Grandma with presents and say to my mum 'look at all the lovely gifts she's got me, you never do this'.

Mum never said anything, but was very hurt. She did all the care, medical appointments, Christmas and birthday presents and celebrations.

We used to call Auntie the Prodigal Daughter!

That would annoy me too.

However, I don't know your mum, but if my mum did this it would be quite a passive aggressive statement towards the absentee child - 'it has been x chocolate oranges since I've seen you, look how many times present child has taken me shopping during that time'.

You need to find a way of gently communicating to your Mum how hurt this has made you otherwise it will fester away.

This exact same things happens with my mum. She takes my gran shopping (or did before covid, she's been doing it online recently) and once a month they would pick up a nice bottle of red wine for my uncle. It's once a month, because that's as much as he manages to visit, despite only living a 10 minute drive away - closer than my mum lives.

My mum, on the other hand, gets nothing whatsoever.

It's unfair, but I think my gran is just so pleased to see my uncle that she almost feels she has to give him an incentive to visit. If one person does so much for you, you start to take them for granted. It's quite sad really.