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DS’s dad. The last straw.

26 replies

Blakey24 · 24/04/2021 18:31

I’ve posted about DS’s dad a few times but have also name changed a few times too as some is quite outing. This may be long sorry.

Anyway DS and his dad have had a stained relationship for a while - DS is 10. It’s been getting somewhat on track again recently but still not great. His dad has always been really inconsistent in his life even more so since he’s been with his new partner and has younger children now.

Anyway, DS seen his dad for an hour 2 weeks ago. At the end of the visit his dad said he would come around again the next week and take him out for lunch - which would have been last weekend. He didn’t turn up - no phone call or text - just nothing - it’s quite a common occurrence to n turn up but he’d usually let us know with some lame excuse.

Anyway. So this week he came over to see him yesterday evening in the garden - for all but 10 minutes in passing! He only lives a few miles away.

DS asked his dad why didn’t come over last week or even let him know. My ex told DS that last weekend he went to a theme park with his partner and their children and couldn’t have DS.

It’s not that I think DS should have gone (although he may have actually enjoyed it but I don’t expect them to take him) but it’s the way DS was waiting to see is his dad would turn up last weekend with no explanation and then he tells DS that!! Aibu to really bleddy peed off? For promising your son lunch out to just ignoring him and doing something else?! Surely this is wrong on all levels?

I’m not sure if it’s my ex or her tbh. What went through their mind to promise DS a trip out for lunch once week and completely ignore it the next and just bugger off with no explanation.

DS is upset not because he would want to go (we do lots here) but it’s because he’s been let down again!

I just don’t want him in DS’s life anymore. I’ve never stopped visits or anything but I feel like I should for my sons own well-being. He gets so upset.

There has been so many other issues too. He’s not allowed in their house (not just since covid but before too). Because she doesn’t want DS upsetting her kids routines - why have kids with a bloke who has a kid then.

DS’s dad has never been a full on dad to DS. We split when I was pregnant. More like a glorified babysitter tbh!

It’s really affecting DS - who is an anxious child. I’m just done with it. I think DS would be so much happier if he didn’t have to do this see and wait thing for his dad every weekend!

OP posts:
willstarttomorrow · 24/04/2021 22:25

As someone who frequently has to deal with child contact, the impact of a parent not turning up often has a very negative and traumatic impact on a child. As does one parent blocking an ongoing relationship. All I can suggest OP is that you tell ex you need him to confirm on the day and not mention anything to DS before that. That has it own issues on that it takes away the anticipation but it is very difficult to see any other way. Explain to Ex and why you have to manage it to manage it this way.

You have my sympathise OP. My DC has no contact with her half siblings after her father died suddenly. She thought she was close to them however we have no control over them remaining in touch. You just need to be pragmatic and quietly reinforce that if/when they want a relationship you are ready. Whilst you cannot force an ongoing relationship you can subtley allow your child to understand you are not the one blocking it. As long as you take the higher ground, refrain from voicing your negative feelings, your dc will come to their own conclusions.

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