Baby indecision

[Choices21]

Hello,
This is my first time posting. But been looking at threads this year.
I have just turned 40 and having a debate with DH if we should try to have a baby.

I’m unsure but worried it is now or never. What if I regret not doing it? I don’t feel that urge to have a child and like my life the way it is but that nagging thought is in my head.

Please please do it - you absolutely won't regret it.

@andoutofhere

Please please do it - you absolutely won't regret it.

No unless you really want it.

Today 22:20 AnotherEmma

andoutofhere
Please please do it - you absolutely won't regret it.

Rubbish

@andoutofhere

Please please do it - you absolutely won't regret it.

Another one with a crystal ball 🙄🙄

I don't think I know many people that were 100% sure about it? It's impossible to be? Neither was I 100% sure getting married was a good idea, or buying a house. But I don't regret them. No one can be sure about the unknown. 🤷‍♀️
However, it is a little odd that you've been with your OH that length of time and not done it by now? I'm old and we are at the same point you are. But it was unlucky that we met later in life and I never had a relationship where kids were an option until now. We didn't want to rush everything so we'd been together 4 years almost before we did try. In that time got married, bought a house etc. Have I always desperately wanted kids? No. So should we do it now we are in the right place? Dammed if I know.
I've got friends who seem like they'd be the most unlikely mothers and they are brilliant. And others that were desperate for kids who are in fact useless parents. 😆 So I'm not sure how predictable it is?

If you're not 100% and are happy with your life how it is, don't have a baby.

I think you have to play your life forward to how you would feel in 20 years time if you don’t have children and if you did.
What would life look like with or without Dh.
How would you feel if Dh suddenly decides in 10 years time he really does want a family and goes on to have a family with someone else would you regret not having a family or accept that it wasn’t for you.

What if you get an overwhelming urge to pro create in 6 months time. Will this decision be flexible that you could change your mind.

Have you ever seen yourself with children or has your vision even as a child been that of someone who has children or even then they didn’t figure.

There is a lot to think about.
I don’t think you have to have a maternal bone in your body before you have children. I don’t even think you have to be sure you want children to make a brilliant mum.
It is usually the ones who think of themselves as maternal who do struggle.

All I can say from someone who took on board everyone’s opinions that I was too flaky and lazy and self centred to make a good mum suddenly finding myself pregnant at not far off your age. I had a rocky few months and even up to my waters breaking I think I was still in shock.
As it turns out I found my true calling and a love so great I couldn’t describe it.
If you do decide to have children it is hard work and you will end up tearing your hair out as each age brings different aggravations. Mine are adults now and I can’t imagine that my life could have turned out better if I didn’t have children.

Last night ds and I were in the car and laughing so hard about dh’s little quirks we had to pull over to recover from laughing our bellies hurt so much. It is the sharing of these little family jokes and the people and experiences they bring into our lives that have made having children so positive.

Turn the question on it’s head. I spoke to a counsellor about it all a while ago and she said ‘what can you offer a child?’ I’m still thinking about the answer

I can’t say we could offer a child anything when we had dc. I spent the whole of my first pregnancy with my head down a toilet or drinking milk to cure the heartburn or just in shock to think about anything. We were far from stable financially and emotionally. If I had gone on Mumsnet at the time asking what I should do I think dc wouldn’t be here

@Weirdwonders. I am speaking with a counsellor too.
This is the biggest decision of my life.

I think many, many people want a baby. Not many want a stroppy 15 year old.
Maybe we focus on this lovely baby we long for and don’t consider the impact on our lives, which change forever.