To abandon my career because of MH issues

[Heathofhares]

This might be a long one...

I returned to work in January, after a years break because of covid. My career up to this point has been sketchy - I retrained (to a notoriously stressful job) in my mid 30s and as soon as I qualified I got pregant. It is now ten years since I retrained and my career has been patchy. I left my first role officially to be a SAHM but actually left as I was bullied out for my poor mental health.

Since then I have had a break as a SAHM , a very short attempt to return which did not suit me at all and a successful spell in a temporary position (18months) where there was, unfortunately, no permanent positions available.

Another year off for covid and I am starting again since January. It is only a part time job but it has been a really challenging time to start this role and I am struggling. Every time I go back to work I find my mental health taking a dip.

I have a long diagnosed anxiety disorder, which comes in cycles, normally every couple of years or so, but working- especially in my ‘new’ career seems to be a trigger. I take sertraline on and off - normally for about 6 months to ‘reset’, however as I have been well I am not currently taking it.

I am finding certain aspects of my new role very difficult and one task in particular has built up to the point I had a panic attack when I opened the file on the computer... In general though I am quite good at what I do and my employer has no issues.

I am very down about whether I can continue to try and get going with this career - and medicate myself through it ( and try not to be too much of an orgre to my family)... or should I admit defeat that this is not the career for me and find something less stressful?

DH would be supportive of me leaving work (financially he supports the household anyway)- he hates the change in me when I get a job... but I realise that, while I have been able to explain away my gappy employment history with having young children etc, I need to stick with my current role for a reasonable time or I will struggle to get another job... I am also mid 40s and aware that I have little pension if I don’t make a go of things.

Should I take the medication, accept the difficulties this brings at home and carry on with the job or admit defeat in this career?

The issue seems to be the line of work rather than working generally - if you don't 'need' something paid highly as your husband covers the financial side of things, can you not look for work in area with less stress, something you'll enjoy, and focus on paying as much as you can into a pension?

No point doing something which exacerbates your MH conditions, I would have suggested counselling to see if you can tackle the problem but honestly I think the best thing for you would be to be working somewhere where you can build confidence and ease at being in work again, and not worrying about 'wasting' time spent in a career that makes you unhappy.

Also if sertraline make you difficult to deal with at home can you try a different SSRI?

I'd keep looking for a more suitable job even if it means in a different field. If the job is affecting your mental health in a very negative way its not worth persevering if you've given it your best shot which it sounds as if you have.

I would think of the whole situation , your health and your family . If you do not financially need the money what is driving you to stick in a role that you need to medicate for (it sounds like you do not need it except when working).

Can you use your qualification and experience to move into a less stressful role elsewhere? I totally understand why you want to stick with it, but no job is worth making yourself ill for.

Pension wise NHS, civil service low grade jobs have great employer contributions. You can even when not working pay in (please just check using government website) I think £2800 a year and the government still pays in tax relief.

Thanks for comment, it’s fairly clear isn’t it from an outsiders point of view.

I do sometimes have a wobble regardless of working or not and my issues do pre date my change in career.

I am going to have a really good think about other work options. @yoyo1234 thanks for pointing those options.