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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Anyone else live with a noisy partner

23 replies

Celebrityskin88 · 24/04/2021 06:45

My bf is great, but he always has to have something on whether it's TV, music etc. He can't just enjoy the quiet, he has to have something on constantly and he always has it really loud.
He does turn it down when I ask him to, but I feel like a nag.
We live in a studio and just have one living/bedroom so there's nowhere else I can escape to.
I'm not saying I must live in total silence all the time but I really hate loud noise and bright lights, I do seem to have sensory issues.
Last night he was playing the music of some man who seemed to have a really loud voice and shouted everything. He was singing along loudly and it was past 11pm. I told him that i was going to put earphones in as I just felt like enjoying some peace and quiet for a bit and just wanted to sit and relax.
I know there has to be some compromise though, it's his flat too and i can't just have it my way. Does anyone else struggle with this?

OP posts:
Original poster
Celebrityskin88 · 24/04/2021 06:46

We also live in a small block of flats so I have no idea how loud it is outside.

OP posts:
maddening · 24/04/2021 06:54

It sounds like you are not domestically compatible, even in a house that would piss me off.

Does he not piss off the neighbours?

DotsandCo · 24/04/2021 06:57

He sounds really inconsiderate. I couldn't live like that...not very helpful I know, but I do feel sorry for you. Did you know he was like this before you moved in together?

imaginethemdragons · 24/04/2021 06:57

Your poor poor neighbours.
No. I absolutely could not tolerate this, I could not live with someone like this.
It just sounds selfish behaviour really.

Chunkymenrock · 24/04/2021 07:00

Sharing space with other people is exhausting I find, for this and multiple other reasons. It's very inconsiderate, because it affects other people. I can't imagine how your neighbours are happy to be subjected to that. You need to have a conversation and work out a compromise, but things like this make me wonder why the norm is to live with other people. I'd be so much happier living alone.

TabooNCoke · 24/04/2021 07:07

Yes! There has to be a radio on in every room, I find myself having to battle with a DJ just to be heard, and then we had the experimental jazz phase. I miss the days of curling up in the quiet when I had some alone time.

Onairjunkie · 24/04/2021 07:11

How incredibly selfish. Has he always been so unaware of anyone except himself?

Phone environmental health anonymously yourself? Or just tell him to shut the fuck up.

PhilCornwall1 · 24/04/2021 07:13

I can quite happily sit in silence and just enjoy the quiet, it's very relaxing. Living with 3 others that doesn't happen much, especially 2 teen boys.

Itwasjustresting · 24/04/2021 07:13

Does your block of flats have any rules about noise? The one I lived in said people had to be quiet after 11pm.

3Britnee · 24/04/2021 07:18

Get him wireless headphones for his birthday.

HappyGoPlucky · 24/04/2021 07:27

Buy him some fancy, expensive wireless headphones and tell him if he doesn't start wearing them you're going to take a hammer to the electrics.

It would piss me off. Especially after 11pm - ffs, that's bedtime!

Original poster
Celebrityskin88 · 24/04/2021 07:34

He has got wireless headphones but doesn't really use them during the day. I guess we're just different in this respect, literally the minute he wakes up he sticks something on on YouTube

OP posts:
Hidinginstaircupboard · 24/04/2021 08:02

I agree with others a pair of AirPods or cheap version of those (I bought mine for £21 from Amazon) so he can listen to loud music 🎶 YouTube and / Smart TV to his heart's content without disturbing you.

EileenGC · 24/04/2021 08:05

I can’t stand the silence, I need music or TV or something else in the background, 90% of the time. The only times I can go without is if I’m reading or writing something.

However, I never have them on loud enough for someone to hear. It’s either a very normal volume that I turn down when I’m asked to, or headphones. I need the noise but I’m able to understand other people can’t stand it. It’s about respect and understanding.

Hidinginstaircupboard · 24/04/2021 08:08

He already has wireless headphones but chooses to disturb you anyway?
You both need to 'have a chat' about how to co exist peacefully and respectfully in your flat

Yanbu I hate noise
My teenage children are able to understand not everyone in the house wants to listen to the thunkthunkthunk of their rap music (or whatever it is nowadays)

Can't stop the singing along if they are doing it without realising, but you can record it and play it back to them to make them more aware- "this is what I can hear from the other room".

user1493413286 · 24/04/2021 08:08

My DH is like this; it’s not so loud that it’s inconsiderate to the neighbours but loud enough to bother me. He turns it down when I ask him and I’ve got quite used to it now I think.

Flamingo49 · 24/04/2021 08:19

My ex is like this. It used to drive me mad and contributed to the growing resentment that eventually led to our break up. He had to have music, podcasts, radio etc on all the time, we both wfh during the pandemic and I need quiet for my job but he would play music throughout the day and it felt like I was the bad guy having to ask him constantly to turn it down.

Meruem · 24/04/2021 08:48

My ex was like this and I love quiet. Sometimes I’d be close to tears and have to ask him to please turn stuff off just for an hour or two as I couldn’t take it any more. What annoyed me the most is he’d have the tv on for example but be busy on his phone so not really even watching. He just wanted the background noise. The worst for me is first thing in the morning. I can’t stand tv or radio on then, gives me a headache and starts my day off badly. To be fair, ex did use headphones first thing because he knew I couldn’t tolerate it.

Honestly, I wouldn’t live with someone again and noise is one of the reasons. In your situation the compromise is that he wears headphones. It shouldn’t be just that you suffer and he gets to do what he wants. That’s not compromise.

SnarkyBag · 24/04/2021 08:51

God that would drive me batshit! I bet your neighbours hate him too

HappyGoPlucky · 24/04/2021 17:45

He needs to wear those wireless headphones! I would tell not ask. It's easier for him to make the noise go away and why should you mince about in noise cancelling headphones or ear plugs?

I absolutely hate other people's noise. It's THEIR noise and inflicting it on me is presumptuous and selfish beyond belief.

My pet hate is radios in gardens in summer. It's the ultimate selfishness. I want to hear the birds and the breeze through the leaves, not Crap FM.

Oh, and whistling.Angry

LeftyLou · 24/04/2021 18:14

You are not being unreasonable or inconsiderate. You have asked him to turn it down not completely off.

I guess some people like to have something on instead of complete silence. However, he needn't subject you to it too.

I hope you can get it resolved.

Spr0cker50 · 24/04/2021 18:15

DH has no concept of an indoor voice

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 24/04/2021 18:29

Exh was a bit like that. As soon as he woke up the radio had to go on. I like a bit of quiet, especially first thing.

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