To wonder why people make eye contact mainly at me during meetings?

[thgfdcvhtf]

I have always noticed that whenever I'm in a group setting where someone is speaking/addressing the group they will always make eye contact with me a lot more often than others. It's something I noticed as a student at university; lecturers would always make eye contact with me a lot more often than other students. I have also noticed it at work. Today we had a meeting (socially distanced, wearing face masks) and the person leading the meeting was constantly looking at me. I feel like I become the almost default/resting position for their gaze aside from a few cursory glances around the room at others. A colleague even brought it up afterwards as they had noticed that the person leading the meeting was pretty much only looking at me. As I said, we were in face masks so it's nothing to do with my facial expressions. It happens with male and female speakers but probably mainly male.

It makes me feel self-conscious as I become overly aware of my body language and how receptive I am appearing as I feel that I'm being watched.

Has anyone else noticed this? I am quite a quiet person so I'm wondering if it's because I come across as non-threatening? However, this does happen with strangers who don't know my personality.

@Shrivelled

Are they looking at you thinking “why is this woman staring at me”

I get this too. I always make an effort to look as though I am listening and I unconsciously start nodding my head. I'm abit of day dreamer so usually end up lost in my own thoughts and not paying attention though.

I've always had this too. It's because I always appear to be listening. The times I've looked around at others in the room most aren't paying attention and look bored. I think it's pretty rude.

This happens to me too, but I always put it down to being consistently engaged with the speaker.

When I started to gain some experience presenting/speaking myself, I found myself 'resting' on one or two people often for the same reason.
It's surprising how many people just aren't visibly interested at all, or only maintain interest for brief periods.

Eugh yes this is me too. Because I lip read. I'm deaf. People think I'm interested in what they're saying.

My Mum has always said this happens to her! I guess the being the person who looks like they’re listening is the best explanation!

@Bobbots

I get the same thing, and like a pp said, I have also been to concerts where the singers have basically sung the whole show ‘at’ me (it was the boyband Blue, for anyone interested 😆).

Unless it was a particularly intimate lounge bar gig, could they not have just been looking forward and you happened to be in their eye line? 🤭

You look interested in what they're saying.

Public speaking can be excruciating for some people no matter how often they do it. It's nice to have a friendly face they can address.

I have this, I've been told in the past I have a friendly face.

Perhaps you just notice it more when they're looking at you? Especially since everyone thinks it happens to them as well.

You're definitely looking at them and that's why. When I've given university lectures one of the things you have to get used to as a new lecturer is that almost no one in your audience looks at you - they're either (hopefully) taking notes/concentrating or (perhaps) just not listening. You definitely end up looking at any of the students who are looking right at you because it's unusual.

When I am presenting, it is natural to look at the person who is looking at you. Most people avoid a direct look.
Even better if that person smiles or nods or just looks engaged and interested.

How high, or how low, is your neckline? I have sat in meetings where I consciously kept eye contact to avoid glancing at an overly plunging neckline.

This happens to me too and it also means if a volunteer is needed I am always picked or picked on if it's comedy. Hate it!

I get this too. I think it's because I maintain eye contact more than others. I grew up as a people pleaser! I quite like it though as it feels like a one to one conversation at points, which I prefer.

This happens to me in lectures, at work, in church etc etc

I always have random strangers telling me their life story too and people randomly call me “love”, “darling”, “sweetheart”.

Apparently I look kind and approachable and often get the “too nice” comment. I’m a people pleaser and in the sort of setting you describe, I’d automatically be sat up poker straight, making an effort to at least look like I was listening, reacting appropriately etc.

I’m a massive people pleaser. It’s not a good thing.

Can you relate to any of that?

Agreed @PandemicPalava! I always get picked in for things like that. I have tried to look less approachable but DH says I look like I am squinting or pouting ha ha