Am I being unreasonable?AIBU
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SonnyWinds · 23/04/2021 19:56
This completely depends.
Say you're a couple called Jack and Jill. You're at Jack's work event or with Jack's friends and Jack introduces you to someone (Ed) as Jill, I would still expect Ed to introduce you to others as Jack's wife - otherwise they won't understand why you're there.
On the other hand, Jack and Jill attend a course where neither of them know anyone and introduce themselves to another person (Ed). Ed's wife arrives and introduces you to her as Jack and Jack's wife. Kinda rude but I'd assume he's forgotten your name to be honest.
Essentially if it's someone who knows your husband better than they know you is introducing you to someone who knows your husband then I'd expect that they refer to you as the wife of your husband - it sets the social context.
UndeadSlut · 23/04/2021 19:58
So, you've introduced yourself like "Hi nice to meet you I'm Jessica" and then someone else has said "Oh Andrea come over here and meet Geoff's wife"? I don't know if that would annoy me tbh. Probably not in that context, it's something I'd do if I wasn't sure I had heard the name correctly.
It WOULD annoy me if I had met this person multiple times and they still referred to me as "Geoff's wife".
Whatdidyoudo99 · 23/04/2021 20:00
We meet our new neighbour, she was moaning about another neighbour. Anyway I made a point of saying hello we have not meet I am Lisa....
Then she continue to talk to my husband and would would refer to me as John’s wife. Just found it abit rude and the more she done it the more it annoyed me
Shinyletsbebadguys · 23/04/2021 20:02
I agree with pp context is very relevant. For example of you introduced yourself once in a party or something and then much later (weeks months etc) its forgivable if the response is something like " Oh jacks wife? " because they can't remember your name.
I mean if its your MIL whole different ballgame.
Shinyletsbebadguys · 23/04/2021 20:03
Ahh cross post sorry. Is it possible she just has a bad memory ? Seriously we discovered three of the school mums (me included) have completely forgotten each others actual names and felt it had become far too rude to ask again so we had all referred to each other as " So and Sos mum" until it came out .
Hidinginstaircupboard · 24/04/2021 08:22
Maybe she forgot your name and is too embarrassed to say. Just correct her,
Neighbour: "this is Johns wife"
You: "... otherwise known as Lisa.."
If she or he really annoys you by continuing even after corrected quite a few times, then start introducing them as "..Lisa's neighbour.."
Thatisnotwhatisaid · 24/04/2021 08:53
Totally depends. If it’s said in a friendly way like ‘this is Philomena, she’s married to Phil’ and you’re at a party filled with people who primarily know Phil then it isn’t rude. If you aren’t even introduced as Philomena, just Phil’s wife then yeah it’s rude.
Onairjunkie · 24/04/2021 09:26
A friend/acquaintance of my H does this. I have met him around a dozen times and he doesn’t bother to commit my name to memory, instead referring to me as ‘H’s wife’. Even addressing me as such, which I asked him to stop doing.
He’s one of those hugely wealthy, Big-I-Ams who sees women as lesser. He has a lovely wife, I don’t understand it.
I’m successful in my own right, maybe that’s why he’s so rude. Or maybe he’s just a narcissistic twat.
Sandgrown1970 · 24/04/2021 09:59
I don’t think it’s rude.
I remember being at a school concert and someone referred to
“ERRRRRRRMMMMMMM EXCUSE ME!!!! This lady is NOT LittleSandgrownsMUM. She has a NAME and it’s MARY. How are you this evening, MARY?”
I thought she was really rude and the kind of person who took glee in pointing out other people’s errors. She embarrassed not only the lovely woman I was talking to, but me and made my child feel awkward. Plus I AM LittleSandgrown’s Mum. No one needed the daft woman to jump to my defence, I wasn’t offended and it was more likely to do with her chip on her shoulder. It created an unpleasant atmosphere at an otherwise lovely event. She later said she couldn’t STAND it when other women let women down by reducing them to the title of “Mum” .
Well guess what? I’m a proud mum. I’m a proud wife. I’m happy to have both titles. Also it’s not necessarily a sexist thing. My husband is just as often (maybe more often in my friendship circles) described as “Sandgrown’s husband”. There’s nothing worth getting riled up about.
But rather than get upset and start a thread about it, why not just say “it’s Lisa” or “please call me Lisa” when she said “John’s wife”?
knittingaddict · 24/04/2021 10:19
Was there a third party there?
I don't understand this either. It sounds like you were there to hear yourself being referred to as "John's wife". In what context was this said? She obviously didn't literally say *hello John's wife". Could you quote a sentence please?
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