Am I being unreasonable?

[KC890]

I’ve recently had a baby and was added into a group of recent mums by a friend. There’s quite a lot of us about 15! It’s a friend of a friend of a friend etc.
I have noticed in the chat they organise meet ups out with the group and so I’m sitting at home while a few of them are doing something together. It would be nice to be invited but they don’t put it in the group. Am I unreasonable to leave the group? I don’t feel like there is any point being in a group where something is organised once every few weeks (only been organised 3 times so far), when about 4/5 of them meet up every week a couple times. It’s made me upset that I’m not included and I have actually cried about it as I don’t know many mums what with covid restrictions. I’ve stayed in the group due to this fact, but my partner reminded me there are so many new mums out there and to just leave. Am I being sensitive?

I'd just leave x you'll find your tribe somewhere else

Have you tried to organise something?
Just say "anyone fancy some walk and a coffee next week?"

That few probably hit it off together more than with the rest.
I think you are being bit over sensitive. It's not like 14 people meet up and you are the only one left out. It's ok for few people to meet up without the rest of the group.

Are they ok otherwise? Is the chat helpful normally? If yes, I wouldn't leave. If no, then you are not losing anything.

Yeah just leave or start instigating meet ups and see what happens

We have met up once and it was because my friend and I were going a walk so she put it in the chat which is the only time we have all met. The others two were after, which I couldn’t make. Once we left we felt like the same people stayed together and wasn’t really making it easy to get to know them, there have been times I have felt like they aren’t bothered about what i say or put in the group.

I guess I just needed someone on the outside to give me their thoughts on the situation. Being a first time mum is a mixture of emotions, and covid really hasn’t helped.
I’m more than likely being sensitive and will stay in the group in the hope it gets better.
Thank you!

I'm guessing the 4-5 who meet up are a group of friends themselves?

I must say I don't think they're being unreasonable. They're allowed to meet up as a small group of friends without inviting all 15 people, some of whom they might not be good friends with.

Why don't you suggest a meet up? There might be a couple of others feeling the same way.

Are you in England? They might be meeting in small groups just because of the covid rules at the moment.

Could it just be because of lockdown restrictions? If all 15 wanted to go that would be problematic right now.

Why don’t you just put in the chat, anyone fancy a walk coffee etc.

It’s kind of unusual to be crying about it though. Is there anything else going on with you?

It was a short socially distanced walk, where we stayed in small groups so I guess this could be a factor.
I will definitely stay in the group and take advice of asking to meet! 😊
I have been very lonely with covid like many people and with friends back to work I guess I was relying on the group more to get out and about, and probably just being overly sensitive.
I understand it’s not unreasonable for others to meet up out with the group I just wasn’t sure if it was unreasonable me leaving the group because I felt left out. But the advice given to make an effort more is very much one I will take on board.

thanks everyone.

I think yabvu. You were invited as a friend of a friend of a friend. So your only link is this long winded acquaintance type of relationship with the others? If the core group was originally 4 - 5 friends and the rest were added through others then I can see how the group may be divided. You are taking personal offense and crying about it, when you probably don't even know most of them well enough. . You could initiate meet ups to get to know everyone better? Or leave if it's upsetting you this much.

Good you are taking it on board.

You knwo, they might very well think that you are don't want to join because you never initiate. For all we know, they might feel you don't like them and show it that way.

See what happnes. If it's shit, leave, if it's good, being active may be really beneficial

YANBU to leave the group, these things shouldn’t be a source of stress so if it is then just leave it

But it’s natural that smaller groups splinter off and meet up separately especially if they were friends already rather than solely through the group.

You and your friend can also instigate meet ups either together or with everyone who’s available, if that’s what you want.

I have initiated a meet up, so will wait and see how that one goes. I’m not sure, I’m quite chatty in the group and always make a point to reply to people if no one replies to others. I’ve initiated conversation at times and don’t get much of a reply. Maybe it’s my own insecurities coming out and it’s all been blown up worse in my head than it actually is. Covid has a lot to answer for I guess.
I appreciate the honesty, from everyone. I will see how the next socially distanced walk goes and see if I can maybe get to know the others better.