to not want my reception child to be called 'silly'

[shinyhappytonks]

I'm a bit upset that my ds (4 and a half) told me that his teacher told him 'not to be so silly' when he was crying for me after i left him in the morning

Now i know that it isn't the end of the world, but he is a sensitive little chap and has recently started getting upset when it is time to get ready for school, he's only doing part-time so i don't think that its tiredness. I can get him to cheer up on the way to school and when i go to say goodbye he starts to well up, he then waves me bye-bye with tears running down his face

There is a bit more to this in that my dh knows the teachers husband (old friend) and mentioned that this chap had said that 'i was a bit clingy and that our ds was fine as soon as i had left, and that ds talked alot (not out of place but whenever questions were asked/show and tell). This has left me feeling quite crappy as i don't think i am that clingy (my ds isn't peeled off me) and i don't see why i should leave my ds upset and crying, but i now find myself quite conscious of whether i might be a bother.

I'm not sure what i am expecting, but my ds is a lovely little boy and it upsets me to think that the teacher may not like him or treat him badly - not that she has ! Maybe i'm just having a wobbly moment

If you're still here thanks for listening.

YANBU to want the teacher not to call your ds 'silly'. OTOH it can be a bit tough in the big world outside home, and not everyone is as considerate as you may be in their choice of words - he needs to learn to accept this.

Is there any way you can linger and peek unseen through a window to see how your ds behaves once he is in school? Children often get very upset when separating from mum, but settle down again as soon as they are absorbed into the new environment and not near Mum. Or can your dh take him to school sometimes? If he is clingy and tearful with you, but not with his dad, then you know he's not upset by school, but by leaving you.

I think 90% of lo's are peeled off their mums at the school door, (mine certainly were and they are actually quite confident) - I don't think it is helpful or accurate to tell him he is silly. Most los are fine as soon as mums gone - the worst ones are those whose mums hang around for a while. Either stay for the session or hang up his coat and go.
I'm sure the teacher is not prejudging him, it's quite early on in his 1st term after all. Teahcers don't dislike the kids, espaecially when they are tiny.
He'll settle, eventually.

The teacher's husband should not have passed on those comments to your DH. If the teacher is discussing her class with her husband she should have told him not to pass it on! And really she shouldn't be talking about your ds/you to other people at all. It is very unprofessional and gives rise to horrible situations like yours.

I'm not surprised you feel a little upset, but the silly comment could have been said quite affectionately (if you see what I mean). It depends on the tone of voice in which it was said. I'm sure that you will find that your ds settles better in a few days.

It that is the biggest issue that you have with your son's schooling then you are very lucky.

How do you know the full truth? Prehaps your son was doing something really silly. (Like most small children.)

Have you considered making an appointment to discus it with the teacher?

I think you're having a wobbly moment.

DOn't upset yourself. SOund slike the old friend was trying to reassure you both that your ds was fine.

but being told not to be so silly is belittling when it comes from a figure of authority like a teacher, and it's so important that the kids have a confidence building start at school. It may not be the most dreadful issue, but it's still important.

And actually the lack of professionalism shown by the teacher is staggering. She shouldn't be discussing you or your ds with her husband. And he's an idiot for passing those comments on. you would be quite within your rights to take this to the head as a complaint. It's not what should happen.

I do think you are having a wabbly moment. I also think that it is entirely possible the husband of your dh might have mentioned your ds is apparently fine once you leave as some reassurance? I'm guessing your dh mentioned that ds cries in the morning and the teacher's dh said (before thinking) that his dw had said that he was fine once you've gone. It was a mistake on the part of the dh to mention it, but tbh, I think that anyone who thinks teachers don't go home and discuss work with their husbands at the end of the day is naive, but the husband should have known better than to pass it on.

I know it's hard, but children do generally settle much quicker once the parents have left. The more attention you give to the crying, the worse the child will be, because they know that they're getting the attention they want, iyswim.

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you are having a wobbly moment.

Oh dear. I quite often call my dd or ds a silly sausage. Because sometimes they do things that are a bit silly. Could bore with examples, but the list is so long....

But I say it with affection, and it may be that the teacher was saying it in a comforting rather than an aggressive way.

Re: the breaking of confidence. I get the impression this has happened as an attempt to comfort you, rather than being a criticism.

I don't think you're being unreasonable to be wobbly (I will be, no doubt, when dd starts school).

errrr....I think the main issue is the teacher being unprofessional, not the OP. If the teacher, in her professional judgement, feels that the OP needs to be a bit shorter and sweeter with the goodbyes to make it easier for the kids, then the teacher needs to make that clear to the parent, in a professional way, rather than bitching to her husband about it

No-one goes on a training course to learn how to leave their kids at school, enough with the 'fgs' I think. Just cos you might have been doing this for years, some people haven't.

YABU

Silly is an innocuous word. It was probably said in a comforting context...(for instance if my dd wakes up after a nightmare and is crying etc I say something like "Don't be silly you know there are no such things as monsters" - whilst simultaneously giving her a comforting squeeze and an encouraging smile etc) I am sure the teacher has not taken a dislike to him / will treat him badly.

You are majorly reading into this.

Why not have a friendly word about all of this tomorrow? Ask her what joint strategies you can come up with to make it easier for ds when you leave in the morning?

I deliberately haven't commented on the apparent conversation between your dh and his friend as it was clearly a chat that should not have taken place, and it's clouding the issue

but we don't know that the teacher has been "bitching to her husband about it" do we? Maybe she discusses her day with her husband, as most people that work do. I would imagine most if not all teachers discuss their day with their partners, and discuss certain children with them too. But the husband should not have passed on the information. But that is a separate issue.

calling your ds silly really is not the end of the world, and it really is far better to leave the child and walk away, because by staying you are making the teacher's job more difficult as well. There is a mother at my ds' school whose child cried every morning and she used to stay for half an hour to try and calm him. And when she eventually used to leave, the child was absolutely fine within seconds. It really doesn't help.

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I would go APE at my kids teachers if they said that!!!
Bloody unprofessional - that's what it is