To think my family need to be told they are out of order?

[Opal93]

I have suffered an eating disorder since age 12. I do have it mostly under control now but I am always wary of triggers and I am now a very healthy weight. My family are very hyper critical about gaining weight and this is what started it for me. Sadly my younger cousin has anorexia now. And my whole family are handling it appallingly. They all went on and on at her about how thin she is, shouted at her for it, made a whole scene about it. She is very underweight but is getting help. They then proceeded to call several other members fat/talk about weight gain and shame how much each other was eating. One aunt decided to declare that I look fat next to my cousin now. I just said i am pretty sure I don’t look fat, I look normal. She then defends her comment and said “yes, but next to HER even you are fat!” Not only is that triggering for me but AIBU to think that all these comments are ridiculous to say to someone in full throes of an eating disorder? I felt so bad for my cousin and would I be U to suggest to her she takes a step back from the family while she is recovering? I may be projecting but I just don’t see how she has a chance of recovering if this is what she has to listen to

Sounds like you both need to step away from your toxic family. No way should they be commenting on weight even without a history of eating disorders . They sound awful.

To be honest they all sound so toxic I'd advise you and your cousin both stay away from the rest of the family indefinitely. They are either deliberately being cruel or are just incapable of empathy.

YANBU! Your family's attitude sounds pretty appalling. I'm glad you have managed to get your problems mostly under control and I hope you can continue to stay on the road to recovery despite the lack of support from your family.

Do you think they would even listen if you tried to tell them how unhelpful and dangerous their attitudes are?
I think you can try your best but if not then all you can do is be there and support your cousin as best you can.

How horrific. People really are un believable. Yes, take a step back and suggest your cousin should too.

I have a family like this and too have had ED.
I do what I can do to not see them/have anything to do with them. I would advise that you and your cousin do the same. Please speak to your cousin and give her what strength you can.

I am sorry that you are both going through this.

My ILs say, “we’re not allowed to talk about weight in front of Etinox”
No ED, normal weight, just very aware that they chatter away very damagingly and I challenge it every time. I started when dd1 was a baby and quarter of a century later they still love a good old chatter about calories and naughty foods, just not in front of me or my kids. It’s a long haul but worth it.

How horrible. I would definitely be encouraging your cousin to step back from your family OP. I'm sure you could be a great support to her during this difficult time. Who needs enemies when you've got a family like that?