to feel like such a failure 😢

siblingrevelryagain · 22/04/2021 20:12

I don’t know what to say to make you feel better, but I wish you weren’t so hard on yourself. In normal circumstances life is hard and we should be congratulated for getting through, but throw in a global pandemic and cancer and you’re being amazing just getting through the day x

AfternoonToffee · 22/04/2021 20:16

Give yourself a break. You've dealt with a cancer diagnosis in the middle of a pandemic, that is pretty good going. You don't say what support you have around you, but most people's support circles have been squeezed so I'll presume yours has too, so cancer, pandemic, reduced support and you got through and still going.

Going back to 'normal' life will always be strange at first. How long have you been back?

Inclinedtochatter · 22/04/2021 20:18

You're not a failure at all. Cancer, no matter how treatable, is a massive thing to deal with. It's such a shock right from the initial diagnosis. I had it 13 years ago and it changed me. The first couple of years following treatment I was a mess. I felt like a rubbish mum for getting ill. I felt like I had let my parents and sister down for making them so upset. It's a huge thing to deal with mentally but you will get there I promise. You have come so far already during such difficult times.

Original poster

user8609342 · 22/04/2021 20:26

@AfternoonToffee

Give yourself a break.

You've dealt with a cancer diagnosis in the middle of a pandemic, that is pretty good going. You don't say what support you have around you, but most people's support circles have been squeezed so I'll presume yours has too, so cancer, pandemic, reduced support and you got through and still going.

Going back to 'normal' life will always be strange at first. How long have you been back?

I've been back just over 4 weeks and I'm finding it really hard 🙁

OP posts:

Pinkyavocado · 22/04/2021 20:30

You were diagnosed with cancer. Whether it was easy to treat or not that’s scary shit! Just because others have it worse it doesn’t minimise what you’ve been through.

You’re not useless, give yourself a break. 🌸

Royalbloo · 22/04/2021 20:31

You're a bloody inspiration - give yourself a hug xxx

Silverfly · 22/04/2021 20:32

4 weeks isn't long at all OP! You're still adjusting - give yourself a break.

AfternoonToffee · 22/04/2021 20:43

4 weeks isn't that long, can work make any adjustments to make things easier for you.

If you are in the UK you are covered by the Equality Act 2010. This link has more links to take you through it all.

www.macmillan.org.uk/cancer-information-and-support/impacts-of-cancer/work-and-cancer/cancer-and-employment-rights

ThornAmongstRoses · 22/04/2021 20:47

I sympathise OP.

Over the last two years I’ve had a really shitty time with health which has changed everything about my life. I’m struggling physically and emotionally and some days it just feels like I’ve lost everything.

I think of all the people in the world who have it so much worse than me and I also feel like I’m a failure for not handling my own situation better

Original poster

user8609342 · 22/04/2021 20:50

[quote AfternoonToffee]4 weeks isn't that long, can work make any adjustments to make things easier for you.

If you are in the UK you are covered by the Equality Act 2010. This link has more links to take you through it all.

www.macmillan.org.uk/cancer-information-and-support/impacts-of-cancer/work-and-cancer/cancer-and-employment-rights[/quote]
I had some adjustments I worked in a different department (less stressful) for the first 3 weeks but I was needed in my department so moved back there.
I could potentially move to the less stressful department as a job is coming up in a few weeks but its less money and the hours have to be flexible which I will struggle with because of my appointments and also can't do the late shifts due to fatigue from my medication.

OP posts:

pickingdaisies · 22/04/2021 20:54

Getting over cancer makes you feel wiped out. I know that the websites are full of amazing women who carry on working all through their treatment and run a marathon at the weekend, but honestly, they are the exception. It's ok to feel bloody awful. Or more tired than you really know how to deal with. And you might feel like the world is operating three times faster than it used to, and you are struggling to keep up with it. It might take a while before your brain gets up to normal speed, just give yourself the time you need.

Cindy87 · 22/04/2021 20:55

I was very similar to you - had cancer which was easy to remove and I didn't need any further treatment. I was so depressed after it nearly cost my marriage. I felt so desperately alone - everyone around me kept telling me how lucky I was and I knew I was and I felt so guilty to be so sad. It was when in marriage counselling that my counseller pointed out I probably had ptsd. Even though I was so lucky to be alive I had just had an experience where I believed I might die and that was a lot. Please go easy on yourself, allow yourself to emotionally heal. You will feel normal again X

Babygotblueyes · 22/04/2021 21:00

Could you have some counselling - like through a local IAPT service? You have had such tough things to deal with, having some professional support could be helpful.

Looubylou · 22/04/2021 21:35

Just because other people might seem in worse position doesn't mean you haven't had a hard time. You are expecting a lot of your self. Consider accessing some sort of talking therapy - if you don't have occ health department, speak to your GP surgery. You can usually self refer. 💐

Flydesk · 22/04/2021 21:38

I posted YABU because you are not a failure at all - give yourself a break!

Original poster

user8609342 · 22/04/2021 21:41

@pickingdaisies

Getting over cancer makes you feel wiped out. I know that the websites are full of amazing women who carry on working all through their treatment and run a marathon at the weekend, but honestly, they are the exception. It's ok to feel bloody awful. Or more tired than you really know how to deal with. And you might feel like the world is operating three times faster than it used to, and you are struggling to keep up with it. It might take a while before your brain gets up to normal speed, just give yourself the time you need.

That is spot on, it feels like my brain can’t keep up with everything. I feel like everything I do is in slow motion and I constantly doubt if I’m doing stuff right. The fatigue is so hard to deal with I worry about when it’s going to hit me because I feel so wiped out when it comes it’s like my brain stops working.

OP posts:

Blackdog19 · 22/04/2021 21:43

OP you are not a failure 💐 You’ve been through a really tough time, you’d be superhuman to pick straight up where you left off. Be kind to yourself, you must be mentally and physically exhausted. Could you speak to a GP?

MouseInCatsClaws · 22/04/2021 22:04

It would be strange if you just went back to normal after such a stressful event. You are actually doing great. Your expectations of yourself are very high. Would you expect the same of others or would you show them compassion?

Show yourself some compassion, is what I'm getting at

pickingdaisies · 22/04/2021 23:35

Maybe it's time to review the situation. You thought you would feel better than you do. That's normal, it's only when you try to do it that you realise it's not going to be that easy. So not you know, instead of blaming yourself for not doing better, accept that this is how you are for more, and be honest with yourself about just how much you were capable of. It's not failure, you need time to recuperate, that's all. Maybe a lot of time. Cancer fatigue is a thing.

animalcrossingfan · 23/04/2021 15:34

Your not a failure OP
It takes a long time to recover although you might feel that you have recovered physically, mentally it can take so much longer.
Take care of yourself and be kind to yourself.