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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Who is being unfair

43 replies

Sameoldsameold88 · 22/04/2021 18:45

Trying to keep this as brief and objective as possible

Married couple, both work full time, 1 dc(5) expecting dc2 later in the year

Person A works in an office based role, has been wfh since March last year. Will be going back to the office 2 days a week from July time. Generally works 9-5, sometimes logs on a bit earlier, lunch breaks are either 30 minutes at lunch time or used to do pick up for dc.

Person B works in a shift based role, a combination of earlies, lates, nights. Unable to work from home. Very much goes in for their shift start time and will not stay late unless an absolute emergency. Generally works a 4 day week. Has 2 full weeks off every 8 weeks.

Today Person A Has been working as usual, Person B has been off. Person B has asked several times what jobs need to be done around the house, not much to do so has sat and watched TV/tablet all day. Then picked dc up from school and they went to an an activity. Usually cooks dinner when off.

Person A was running a few minutes late finishing work when Person B and dc arrived home from activity (think 5.08pm) Person A was logging off and shutting laptop down. Very rarely logs off dead on 5pm, but is usually out of the dedicated room in the house that's an office by 510 at the latest.

Person B has moaned that Person A was late from work and could have finished on time and started dinner and now that means they have less family time.

Person A argued that Person B could have prepped the veg etc before going out seen as they had been off all day.

Person B has also moaned that Person A is never finished dead on 5, works too hard, cares about their job too much and prioritises their job over the family because they may start 5 minutes early and finish 5 minutes late.

Person A Has tried to point out that they are saving 45 minutes each way on commute so dc doesn't have to go to wrap around care before or after school so is fully available for school runs even when Person B is on shift.

Well done if you made it to the end!

OP posts:
TeenMinusTests · 22/04/2021 18:47

B is unreasonable. (You are A).

PinkCookie11 · 22/04/2021 18:50

B has been lazy today. Naughty B

minou123 · 22/04/2021 18:51

I think Person A and Person B have stopped appreciating what each other bring to the relationship.

I don't think either are right. And neither of them are wrong.

I think both need to sit down and talk to each other respectfully.

Pottedpalm · 22/04/2021 18:51

B should have prepped the meal rather than sitting on their arse

Aprilshowersandhail · 22/04/2021 18:55

B should have had a big parsnip shoved up their arse for not sorting veg..

PinkCookie11 · 22/04/2021 18:56

@Aprilshowersandhail 😂😂😂

CastleCrasher · 22/04/2021 18:56

It's obvious you are a. Agree that b could have easily sorted dinner if they've had nothing else to do.
Are they really complaining about 5 minutes here and there with work, or is this bigger than that. It seems incredibly petty

steff13 · 22/04/2021 18:57

I agree that you're person A. And it sounds like this is not a big deal, maybe just a snippy day. I think you should apologize to one another and draw a line under it.

LuaDipa · 22/04/2021 18:57

B needs to stop complaining and get a takeaway.

steff13 · 22/04/2021 18:59

Also, I never get these "person A," "person B," threads. If you are one of the people, you will believe you're in the right, and the thread will reflect that. There's no way you can post from a truly neutral point of view.

Fizzgigg · 22/04/2021 18:59

Person B also shouldn't need so much direction on what 'jobs need doing'.

Bufferingkisses · 22/04/2021 19:00

Did you post along these lines previously? If it wasn't you there is someone going through the exact same thing who got lots of advice, might be worth trying to dig the thread out?

LemonTT · 22/04/2021 19:03

There’s no point in trying to anonymise this if you are going to use judgemental language to describe everything B does.

I expect person A also spoke in a low and calm voice whilst B stomped and huffed and puffed.

Since you are A and need some advice, I’d say you need to learn how to process a pointless argument with the person you live with. You should not need to ask strangers to vote on it.

HappyGoPlucky · 22/04/2021 19:05

Person A is a woman. Person B is a man. Person A needs to tell Person B to sod off.

Butwasitherdriveway · 22/04/2021 19:05

@Sameoldsameold88

Trying to keep this as brief and objective as possible

Married couple, both work full time, 1 dc(5) expecting dc2 later in the year

Person A works in an office based role, has been wfh since March last year. Will be going back to the office 2 days a week from July time. Generally works 9-5, sometimes logs on a bit earlier, lunch breaks are either 30 minutes at lunch time or used to do pick up for dc.

Person B works in a shift based role, a combination of earlies, lates, nights. Unable to work from home. Very much goes in for their shift start time and will not stay late unless an absolute emergency. Generally works a 4 day week. Has 2 full weeks off every 8 weeks.

Today Person A Has been working as usual, Person B has been off. Person B has asked several times what jobs need to be done around the house, not much to do so has sat and watched TV/tablet all day. Then picked dc up from school and they went to an an activity. Usually cooks dinner when off.

Person A was running a few minutes late finishing work when Person B and dc arrived home from activity (think 5.08pm) Person A was logging off and shutting laptop down. Very rarely logs off dead on 5pm, but is usually out of the dedicated room in the house that's an office by 510 at the latest.

Person B has moaned that Person A was late from work and could have finished on time and started dinner and now that means they have less family time.

Person A argued that Person B could have prepped the veg etc before going out seen as they had been off all day.

Person B has also moaned that Person A is never finished dead on 5, works too hard, cares about their job too much and prioritises their job over the family because they may start 5 minutes early and finish 5 minutes late.

Person A Has tried to point out that they are saving 45 minutes each way on commute so dc doesn't have to go to wrap around care before or after school so is fully available for school runs even when Person B is on shift.

Well done if you made it to the end!

So you're person a eh?
Roszie · 22/04/2021 19:05

Your partner is a piss taker.

NeverDropYourMoonCup · 22/04/2021 19:07

Person B needs to get over himself with all that 'a woman's place is serving the family and not having a career' bollocks.

AccidentallyOnPurpose · 22/04/2021 19:08

B . I'd say they're not suitably occupied if they have the time and energy to whinge about 5 minutes.

1Morewineplease · 22/04/2021 19:09

You both really need to talk about your perceived slights.

Butwasitherdriveway · 22/04/2021 19:09

Of course you're all going to vote B. It was written that way.

Jumpers268 · 22/04/2021 19:09

@Aprilshowersandhail

B should have had a big parsnip shoved up their arse for not sorting veg..
😂😂😂😂.
minou123 · 22/04/2021 19:11

@NeverDropYourMoonCup

Person B needs to get over himself with all that 'a woman's place is serving the family and not having a career' bollocks.
Wow, that's a bit of a leap. Hmm

Person A and B could both be women or both men.

Ellasmummyx1 · 22/04/2021 19:13

Is it really that big a deal? Really?

rosegoldivy · 22/04/2021 19:13

Generally think over 8mins late logging off I would have told B to fuck right off 🤣

Washimal · 22/04/2021 19:14

This Person A, Person B bollocks is really irritating. Your DP should have prepped the veg.

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