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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Can i refuse? Should i? Nanny..

27 replies

Elcantador · 22/04/2021 18:12

So i am the nanny.
I work for a family who is generally great and considerate. Dad's sister arrived from abroad yesterday. I knew she was coming but i was told she will stay in a hotel during her stay. She is not from a 'red' country so doesnt need to do a hotel quarantine but obviously needs to self isolate for the week if her stay and do the tests. I arrived to work yesterday and she was there. They decided that she shall stay there instead of a hotel and do the self isolation there..
I know that it is ok for people to travel from abroad and stay with family and the family dont need to self isolate.. but can i, as a nanny, who doesnt live there still go in? I dont actually know the rules on this. I goodled and it said that ppl who self isolate after travel should not have visitors whoever i am not really a visitor.
Does anyone know what the rules are on this or is this a grey area?
AIBU for feeling disappointed that they didnt check if i was comfortable with this?

OP posts:
OverTheRainbow88 · 22/04/2021 18:13

Do you feel uncomfortable with the set up?

Original poster
Elcantador · 22/04/2021 18:18

Just so i dont drip feed. So she was going to stay in a hotel and they were going to meet outside.. even though techniqually she should not be leaving the place of her self isolation.
They live in a flat and she will sleep in the living room and hang around while im with the kids so i cant really avoid her.
My title is can i refuse.. to go in? I dont want to be difficult but equally i have kept to the rules and i dont know if im actually breaking them this way now

OP posts:
Original poster
Elcantador · 22/04/2021 18:20

@OverTheRainbow88

Do you feel uncomfortable with the set up?
If it counts as breaking the rules then yes. But i cant find clear guidance on this
OP posts:
OverTheRainbow88 · 22/04/2021 18:21

I can’t see it’s breaking the law as guess it’s your place of work.

However, if you feel unhappy being around someone who’s isolating I think it’s fair to raise that with the family. Especially if they didn’t give you a heads up.

sorryiasked · 22/04/2021 18:26

I would say she's breaking the isolation rules and you'd be perfectly reasonable if you refused to go in.

Can i refuse? Should i? Nanny..
Angrypregnantlady · 22/04/2021 18:29

I think she's breaking the rules and they're wrong to not consider how you'd feel.

BluebellsGreenbells · 22/04/2021 18:34

Self isolation means they stay in a different room have meals brought too them and clean well after themselves in a shared bathroom.

There should be no mixing with other members of the household.

Others can choose to isolate with them if they mix.

I think you should refuse.

Iwonder08 · 22/04/2021 18:55

You can refuse. It won't go down well. Are you prepared to walk away from the job parking aside covid legalities?

Gonegrey31 · 22/04/2021 18:57

That's not right. You should refuse to go. You are being exposed to risk and it is not fair of your employers to expect you to go to work as normal in these circumstances. They have a duty of care to you.

partyatthepalace · 22/04/2021 19:12

It's your place of work, so no, you aren't breaking any rules. If she's isolating properly in her room then I can't see they are either - but even if they were, it's not your responsibility to manage your employer's behaviour.

So if you are just checking on the law you are fine. If you are actually worried - then either you can refuse to go in (which will clearly piss them off) or you could come up with some simple ground rules to keep her away from you and using a different bathroom, which they should be willing to accept.

Original poster
Elcantador · 22/04/2021 19:22

@partyatthepalace

It's your place of work, so no, you aren't breaking any rules. If she's isolating properly in her room then I can't see they are either - but even if they were, it's not your responsibility to manage your employer's behaviour.

So if you are just checking on the law you are fine. If you are actually worried - then either you can refuse to go in (which will clearly piss them off) or you could come up with some simple ground rules to keep her away from you and using a different bathroom, which they should be willing to accept.

Thank you for your reply. There is only one bathroom. She will stay in the living room with me and the kids and 'help'. She wants to spend time with them but doesnt want to do it alone ( she is not that experienced with kids) parents are working from home each from a bedrrom. So i cant really avoid her. If i refuse to go in then one parent will need to take time off to look after the kids.. which they cant really do as they are busy at work. So they need me.
OP posts:
SmidgenofaPigeon · 22/04/2021 19:27

As a nanny I wouldn’t refuse to go in, not worth the aggro.

But I’d definitely pitch a few late starts and early finishes since she’s there to ‘help’ Wink that’s the only good thing about having an extra adult family member around.

Original poster
Elcantador · 22/04/2021 19:27

Thank you everyone for replying.
Im glad i wont be breaking any covid rules by going in.
I might talk to them tomorrow. Not sure, will sleep on it.
Thank you all!

OP posts:
GoWalkabout · 22/04/2021 19:32

Very frustrating. You are stuck between your job/your health/doing the right thing yourself. You could say 'I am worried that your visitor is not isolating from the household and this puts dc, me and my family at risk of contracting and passing on the virus.' I guess it depends how secure you feel or what your red lines are. They can't do much about it now and should have considered you and not unilaterally broken the rules.

EileenGC · 22/04/2021 19:32

*Self isolation means they stay in a different room have meals brought too them and clean well after themselves in a shared bathroom.

There should be no mixing with other members of the household.

Others can choose to isolate with them if they mix.*

At the end of the day this is correct - she shouldn’t be mixing with others if it can be avoided - but if you don’t feel uncomfortable about it, I’d keep going in. We’re at a point where we need to start getting on with life.

JanFebAnyMonth · 22/04/2021 19:39

This is what the NHS website says

As far as possible, avoid contact with other people in the place where you’re quarantining to reduce the risk of spreading COVID-19. You should stay in a well ventilated room with an outside window that can be opened, separate from other people in your home.

www.gov.uk/guidance/how-to-quarantine-when-you-arrive-in-england#quarantine-for-10-days-after-you-arrive

BluebellsGreenbells · 22/04/2021 22:02

OP isn’t quarantining - she’s free to work and go home

Totally different

How are we a year on and people don’t understand the basic differences

farfallarocks · 22/04/2021 22:17

They were wrong not to run this by you, I would have done. However I think this obsessions with scrutinising the ‘rulz’ is really rather odd

SnackSizeRaisin · 22/04/2021 22:29

Well I am not a great keeper of the rules..but even I can see that this is wrong. Either visitor isolates in family home and whole family isolate with her.. or she isolates in family home in a single room where she stays throughout. She can't mix freely with the family but they still continue as normal. The point is to prevent variants that might put our vaccine program at risk. So it matters more than rule breaking between people who have stayed in the UK all along

SnackSizeRaisin · 22/04/2021 22:30

So op you should either stay away for 10 days, or isolate with the family for 10 days. I doubt you would be held responsible though.

Mummytemping · 22/04/2021 22:47

It isn't breaking the rules but it would have been considerate to have spoken to you about it beforehand.

MathsFiend · 22/04/2021 22:51

God, I can’t believe after all of this time that people can’t tell that this is a clear rule breach. If you are in the room with her, then she is clearly not isolating, is she? No wonder we’ve had such high cases when people don’t seem to understand the basics.

Skysblue · 22/04/2021 23:06

I’m sorry OP. The family are being really selfish, disrespectful and entitled :(

The guest is not isolating and it isn’t legal.
The employers have a duty of care to you and your health (as well as the obvious duty to the rest of the country to follow covid laws).

They’re assuming that you have no power in the relationship because they pay you and that you just have to put up with it.

However finding a good nanny is incredibly hard. You aren’t powerless in this relationship and if it was me I would tell them that you are very very uncomfortable with the fact that the guest isn’t isolating and that you are not happy to be around her: suggest either she goes to a hotel or you take paid leave for two weeks.

JanFebAnyMonth · 23/04/2021 09:31

@BluebellsGreenbells

OP isn’t quarantining - she’s free to work and go home

Totally different

How are we a year on and people don’t understand the basic differences

I wasn’t meaning that, sorry I wasn’t clearer. I meant that the relative should not be having contact with anyone else in the household, children or anyone working in the home!
JanFebAnyMonth · 23/04/2021 10:51

Found this although they don’t give a source for their advice:

Someone else in the family’s household is in quarantine after returning from abroad, so long as they can self-isolate effectively from the rest of the household and nanny

intercom.help/korukids/en/articles/4469329-coronavirus-when-your-nanny-can-and-can-t-work

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