To not be able to sleep when DH isn’t here?

[Werewolfbarmitzvahs]

Another night of not getting to sleep until 3am because my DH isn’t here. I think it stems from a fear of someone breaking in (have been burgled twice in this flat although neither time when we’ve been home). Could cope for the odd night but he works away Mon- Friday so we’re talking potentially 4-5 nights of this every week. He’s been doing it nearly 2 years and still no better!

Anyone had the same issue and successfully overcome it? Counselling? CBT? Getting desperate!

Sadly I don't have any advice but I am exactly the same.

I never used to be bothered and have obviously lived alone in the past but since having DC I have such bad anxiety I can't sleep in the house with just myself and DC.

Hopefully someone who can help will be along soon but I just wanted to let you know it's definitely not just you and I completely understand how miserable it is.

I'm the same but DH rarely ever away so not an issue. I do empathise hugely. Mine is also from a fear of someone breaking in. We had a few instances of crime back when we lived in a city and it left me with huge anxiety. Can you leave a tv or radio on while you go to sleep? When I'm feeling anxious I cuddle a soft toy going to sleep, that helped when I was feeling pretty bad. Having a dog has also helped as she barks at any odd sounds but that's perhaps a bit of an extreme solution! Is there any kind of herbal stuff you could take before bed? CBT might help.

I used to be like this; we got an alarm and it very much helped. Is that an option for you?

If you think it's a fear of breaking in then can you get better security measures - cameras, alarms, improved locks, etc? Or have other rituals to reassure you, e.g. placing your phone in a specific very near place so that you know you could call for help if needed? Realistically you're probably overestimating how much your DH could actually do in the event of a break-in - assuming he's not trained and experienced in that sort of incident - and I say that not to scare you further but in the hope that that'll help you focus on other things to manage that particular fear.

@Hardbackwriter

If you think it's a fear of breaking in then can you get better security measures - cameras, alarms, improved locks, etc? Or have other rituals to reassure you, e.g. placing your phone in a specific very near place so that you know you could call for help if needed? Realistically you're probably overestimating how much your DH could actually do in the event of a break-in - assuming he's not trained and experienced in that sort of incident - and I say that not to scare you further but in the hope that that'll help you focus on other things to manage that particular fear.

That’s the ridiculous thing - I know having him here would make absolutely no difference if someone broke in! We don’t even dead boot the front door when he’s home and I sleep like a baby. We’ve improved security measures since the break in and live on the 4th floor so there is literally only one access point. I know rationally it’s so unlikely to happen - which I guess makes it more frustrating that I whip myself into such a frenzy about it every night!

@user1493413286

I used to be like this; we got an alarm and it very much helped. Is that an option for you?

Not in this property unfortunately

I've found a weighted blanket helps me sleep and gives me a reassuring feeling. Worth a try? I've always been something of an insomniac/light sleeper.

This never bothered me as DH was in the Navy. Since he left if he goes away for a night or two with work I don’t sleep.

Not massively healthy but I just fall asleep with the TV on. I think that the noise is a distraction from the silence.

I should add, we also live in the middle of central London at the moment but will be moving somewhere very rural (albeit in a small village of c.2k people) later this year. We will be able to introduce more security measures there, CCTV, Alarm etc. I honestly don’t know if that will improve things though as it does feel so irrational. I worry that moving might make it worse so it would be amazing to crack it now. Although maybe the associations with this place and the burglaries are the problem.

Her one of these, cheap, very effective and no wiring required. Then try earplugs, I’ve always found them very relaxing as you can hear your bodies own white noise, very soothing, and maybe try some relaxation and breathing exercises. Or a hypnosis cd. Good luck

My husband works away a good half of the year and I am a wreak - I’ve got young kids and we are detached with nobody around - I hate it.

@statetrooperstacey

Her one of these, cheap, very effective and no wiring required. Then try earplugs, I’ve always found them very relaxing as you can hear your bodies own white noise, very soothing, and maybe try some relaxation and breathing exercises. Or a hypnosis cd. Good luck

Ok I am ordering this today - thank you!

I already wear industrial earplugs anyway and I do find they help, as does an eye mask sometimes. I find any noise/light actually makes it worse as it can disturb me when I eventually drop off.

Thank you for all the lovely replies and my sympathies for anyone with the same issues I just can’t believe sometimes that as a grown woman (who bizarrely lived alone for years with no issues!) I’m finding it this hard to sleep alone.

I'm exactly the same. I can't sleep when my husband isn't here, I'm not scared of anything I just can't settle without him snuggling me.