AIBU to think this isn’t helpful advice?

[Bearclaw]

I watched a video by a lady who is a mum running a successful business. She was answering questions that were sent in. A common question was how she manages to run as business as a mum and how she got started.

She spoke at length about how she had wealthy friends who offered her opportunities when she was starting out, and how she uses staff to support her e.g. nanny etc. She mentioned female friends who hired nannies to look after their babies so they could focus on starting a business.

AIBU to think this is incredibly short sighted and a very privileged viewpoint? Most startups don’t get offered work by wealthy friends. Most working mums can’t afford to hire nannies. They certainly can’t hire nannies before they even start their business, because they would need to have money available to pay for the nanny before the business starts making a profit.

So basically this advice hasn’t helped me at all because in a nutshell it’s basically “be rich to begin with”.

Well, it will be handy for someone in similar situation to hers.
Not everyone did "rags to riches".

but she was asked for her experiences - and replied honestly - would you rather she lied

also why are 'mums' expected to hire a nanny - surely childcare is for two parents to sort out - and if you are trying to start a business that is something you do with help from your partner (unless you are single in which case you would need to factor it into a business plan)

If her business is an MLM then there is a long term thread in Money Matters. You may recognise her on there and can work out for yourself whether she is being transparent.
Most successful business women don’t have to do Q&As on social media to spread the word.

She answered the questions given

I'm not sure what you wanted her to do?

Was she offering it as advice or just saying how she achieved it?

Did you expect her to lie and make up something about how she managed? She was asked a question and she answered it.

I actually think that’s the perfect and honest response, it’s the question asked and is her experience.

I’d rather that than the bollocks most spout about being a self starter who juggled everything and made millions for a £2 investment and hard work.

Yeah it's not helpful in terms of advice but I suppose at least she was honest. This is why we can all have the same situation eg motherhood, being a woman etc but actually we all experience it differently.

Setting up a buisness when you can have paid child care is very different to say doing it when the kids are in bed!

A common question was how she manages to run as business as a mum and how she got started.

But that's the answer. It's hard to run a business. It's hard to be a mum. Doing both together is even harder.

She did it by getting work from her network, so she was making money, and then using that money to pay for staff like nannies.

That might not be helpful to you, but it will be to some people. But really, she wasn't giving advice. She was answering a question on how she balanced growing a new business and looking after a baby - and the answer is that she got her business off the ground through her network, and she had support to look after the baby.

If you're starting from scratch and don't have a network/clients already, and you don't have support to look after the baby and give you plenty of time to focus on the business, it'll be harder.

I guess it's better than her lying.

I voted YABU. Whilst I 100% can see where you're coming from, she can only answer the question based on her own experience. It will be good advice for those in similar situations who had not considered those options.

It's not helpful to op, but not everyone is in the same situation.

It feels bit like this is actually saying that unless you suffered with £1 in the account and did accounts while cooking for the children and having them climbed on you, you shouldn't be talking and advising people.

As long as it wasn't an mlm (good point by pp), even non poor people can have valid opinions and advice which can be handy...

Well she was honest, not sure what you were expecting? I admire her honesty even if it's probably not helpful for 99‰ of people.

Starting a business is hard.

Using contacts at the beginning is good advice

What was her video marketed as? If it was just a case of 'Here's a video about my business and my life' then she's answered the questions honestly and YABU. If she posted the video as a 'Look how I started my own business from nothing whilst bringing up children on my own' then YANBU

In a previous job I met a lot of people who made a lot of noise about having started their own successful business from nothing with no qualifications and no help. Many of them actually got loads of help in terms of loans from wealthy family members, access to business contacts from family etc The whole 'rags to riches' is in my experience pretty rare. One memorable example was a man who put a lot of effort in to appearing to be a working class lad who'd got in with the wrong crowd but turned things around for himself by working hard and spotting opportunities. In reality he was from a wealthy family, had a few years of rebellion where he dropped out of school and took some drugs. His parents gave him a couple of properties and cash for developing them, plus access their staff for project managing development etc. At the same time, property prices were going through the roof so, surprise surprise, after a few reinvestments he had quite a bit of cash.

It's great advice. It's honest. It'd be less helpful if she'd tossed her hair and said "I get up at 5 and work after the children had gone to bed." Knowing that that's what she did gives you choices- you could get a loan or ask family and friends to or your partner to look after the children. Because you understand that she didn't become a success by juggling and working when the kids were asleep, but by outsourcing their care.

I think you're missing her point. It's difficult to start a business with help from wealthy friends - therefore it's even harder if you don't have any support in that way.

How is she expected to give a rags to riches story if in her case it wasn't like that?

I get more fucked off by people saying they started their business up from nothing, when actually they were given money by their parents or had inherited it. A bit like the articles about cunts who say they bought their home at 23, everyone should be able to do it, when further down it tells you they're parents were acting as guarantors or they had a trust fund.

"Their" parents. Perhaps they had access to proper education too.

Fair play to her for answering the question honestly, it’s preferable to her talking bullshit about how she’s pulled herself up by her bootstraps with no help from anybody, ever. Hopefully she’s aware of her privileged position.

This reminds me of a situation I had a few years ago.

There was something that I had a talent for but never had the opportunity to study or do, but I slogged away for years trying anyway, bits of freelance work which was hard as it's an industry where it's very much who you know, working with others etc. So near impossible for me as I don't know anyone, let alone anyone in the industry, I couldn't afford higher education, I had to work at 16, so I never got to meet anyone in the field.

An old friend from school suddenly decided she would like to do it to and within a few months was an amazing success. Because her husband and lots of her old uni friends were well connected in the industry and gave her a leg up.

I'll never forget when she said that she was buying a bottle of champagne with her first commission as "it was only a payment of £75".

I used to chase and work so hard to try and get those - maybe two a month and it meant the world to me as I could top up the food shopping money.

I had to give up in the end, she's still going strong.

Some people just have an easier time in life.

Was she supposed to lie?

I get that’s her true story. I was just narked at her presenting this as a solution for women who were asking how they could emulate her success. The answer is be rich enough to hire a nanny and have contacts who can give you work. She could at least have acknowledged that she’s incredibly privileged, but she was talking about it as if it’s a normal way to start a business and everyone can do it.

Well nanny is a solution. If you cannot afford nanny, ask family. Basically what she is saying is find childcare to be able to concentrate, doesn't she. With mates, you could take from it not to be afraid to approach mates and people you know.

Not everyone who isn't poor has to self lynch about not being all the time.

Was she being open about her own experiences? Or offering it as advice?

I recently did an interview and was asked lots of questions about how I “manage”. I was very clear that I have a lot of domestic help and when my DC were younger a FT nanny.

I wanted to be very transparent about the fact that I’m not juggling a million things. I think it would have been awful if I’d implied I was somehow doing it all by myself.

I guess different people value different approaches.