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AIBU?

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Original poster

Partner saying coworkers name in his sleep

56 replies

Trustynickname · 20/04/2021 12:48

Hey all
I may sound absolutely crazy and get some stick for this but here goes...

My partner has been at a new job for around 6 months, of course he has made some friends that are his co workers, one including a woman who is the same age as me, and he seems to like a lot as he has talked about her a good few times when talking about work. I have seen her on his social media but haven't met her.

He's actually had some holiday from work so hasn't been there for 5 days, last night I was putting our child too bed when I accidentally fell to sleep untill I heard him call and say "ladys name, are you coming in here?", it seemed as though he was awake when he said this so when I questioned him why he called me her name he said he said he was dreaming about her and can explain why he said her name, but the next day he said he don't remember saying any of it and he was asleep and sleep talking and he wont be arguing over it as I'm being pathetic. I have been really moody and off with him since.

And tbh I probably am being pathetic, so am I being unreasonable to question him as to why he got our names mixed up and why he was even thinking of her whilst in bed? As i don't know whether I sound psychopathic right now. Plus I'm pregnant so I'm possibly hormonal, and just feel fat and disgusting, and this lady is very pretty and is actually a model so maybe I'm just feeling a little insecure in myself thinking why is he thinking about her to get our names mixed up. Its actually an unusual name too.

Would you be pissed off?

OP posts:

LunaNorth · 20/04/2021 16:23

She’s not called Jolene is she?

Amijustagrump · 20/04/2021 16:26

DP once rolled over, cupped my face and said "Amy is that you".. I am not Amy!

I immediately woke him up and he explained he had been looking through rubble for his colleagues after a bomb and thought the found her.

Not sure if I believe it but at least he didn't come in for a kiss!

Notimeforaname · 20/04/2021 16:29

but the next day he said he don't remember saying any of it and he was asleep and sleep talking and he wont be arguing over it as I'm being pathetic

This is what jumped out at me. Calling you pathetic and refusing to speak about it... hes covering somthing. Even if it's just that he was thinking about her and called you the wrong name or he does fancy her, was actually dreaming about her and was embarrassed.

But a reaction like that for simple 'sleep talking ' would have me wondering.

Does he normally/ever sleep talk?

He shouldn't be this pissed off about it.

Lamentations · 20/04/2021 16:32

@stalachtiteorstalagmite

My ex did this with a co worker's name. We were messing around and he said "oh stop it Bertha!*" (I am not Bertha)

Within a few weeks he'd left me for her and they are now married with a kid.

*not her real name. It is a true story though.

I'd be absolutely livid and telling him you don't want to hear her name mentioned again.

Do you think if you'd forbidden him to mention Bertha's name that he wouldn't have left though? I don't see the point.

Spidey66 · 20/04/2021 16:33

I talk in my sleep and have in the past when under a lot of stress walked as well. My husband told me when I was sleepwalking I looked awake, and would hold conversations but it was meaningless to him, though related to my dreams. I have no memory of it at all. It's really nothing to worry about.

Cheesecake53 · 20/04/2021 16:47

@Notimeforaname

but the next day he said he don't remember saying any of it and he was asleep and sleep talking and he wont be arguing over it as I'm being pathetic

Does he normally/ever sleep talk?

He shouldn't be this pissed off about it.

This stood out for me, too. Classic diverting onto you would make me very suspicious. I was "mad" when my now Ex DH had an affair.

Spidey66 · 20/04/2021 16:50

Examples of my sleepwalking/talking. ....

At the time I was working as a nurse in the prison service.

Me: I want valium
My husband was awake and decided to play along
DH:What's your name and number?
Me: Jones NX4356
Him: if you want valium, I'm going to have to send you to the governor
Me: I don't want to see the governor....dont send me to the governor!

I've also tried to go out the front door in my nighty, telling him I was putting the rubbish out. I've put saucepans on the cooker and turned the hob on (remarkably there wasn't a fire). Another time I woke up lying on the sofa with a lit cigarette (ditto with fire). My husband was working nights a lot, which was worrying. We ended up making the house safe at night eg doublocking the front door, turnig off tge cocjjer at tggw switch (it was electric) and putting away cigs and lighter (both given up since).

I only walked for about a year or so, but still talk. Sometimes I talk so loud I wake myself up. I often dream I'm in the park with the dog and she starts running to the exit to the road, so I wake up shouting "MAGGIE!"

stalachtiteorstalagmite · 20/04/2021 16:57

@Lamentations my point was that it's not always innocent. My ex said it was just a slip of the tongue, but as it turned out they were already sleeping together by then. I have been married to someone else for 12 years now and I can honestly say neither of us have ever called the other by someone else's name, awake or asleep. I would be suspicious if I were the OP.

msbevvy · 20/04/2021 17:01

My DH talks in his sleep and he will answer questions about his dreams when still asleep. It is always a load of nonsense.

One time he was having a go at his boss for taking his seat at an imaginary greyhound race.

It is very annoying to be woken in the night by such nonsense so I am happy to have separate rooms now.

If your DH is anything like mine, what he said will be totally unrelated to real life and there is nothing he can do about it.

Thatisnotwhatisaid · 20/04/2021 17:04

I called DH my ex’s name a few months ago when I was half asleep. The DC walked in at about 6am and I was still half asleep, I rolled over towards DH and said ‘ex’s name, time to get up’. I was honestly mortified and DH was really upset all morning despite me apologising profusely. Their names start with the same letter so I don’t know whether that played a part, I honestly couldn’t tell you but I was so embarrassed.

I doubt your DP meant anything by it. If you’re concerned he has a thing for her, talk to him about it.

Thatisnotwhatisaid · 20/04/2021 17:06

Also should say I split with my ex years and years ago, way before I met DH and I never even think about him anymore so I still don’t know why it happened. The mind is a strange thing.

CorianderBee · 21/04/2021 07:11

I dream about work all the time, he was probably thinking about it a lot as he had to go back.

@stalachtiteorstalagmite I think saying your colleagues name while having sex or fooling around is very different to calling it out during non sexual sleep time.

GreenSlide · 21/04/2021 07:23

@Notimeforaname

but the next day he said he don't remember saying any of it and he was asleep and sleep talking and he wont be arguing over it as I'm being pathetic

Does he normally/ever sleep talk?

He shouldn't be this pissed off about it.

I think this is reaching a bit. The far more likely scenario is he's pissed off about being jarred all day about something he said when he was sleeping/half asleep. There's only so much of that you can listen to.

mumto2teenagers · 21/04/2021 07:35

My daughter has conversations in her sleep and actually seems to be awake, but has no recollection of it the following morning.

She usually sleeps in quite late and while at her boyfriends she had a conversation with him about the snow at around 8am, even took a photo of it on her phone, turns out she was actually asleep.

trilbydoll · 21/04/2021 07:39

I am constantly muddling up my boss' and my husband's names, even while wide awake. My excuse is they are the only two men I talk to I would say at least 3x a week I refer to one by the other's name.

stalachtiteorstalagmite · 21/04/2021 08:11

You've got a point @CorianderBee

badacorn · 21/04/2021 08:23

Sounds like he said it while he was awake, he's embarrassed and too proud to apologise, so he is using the "I can't remember it at all so I can't possibly talk about it" tactic.

If she is hot he probably fancies her a bit and that's why the name slipped out. I would be pissed off too but what can you do about it, you aren't going to go your whole marriage without either of you working with someone who looks attractive.

Rangoon · 21/04/2021 08:37

I called my husband by my boss' name twice last week - and I was "awake". I have zero romantic interest in my boss and I have worked with him for over 20 years. He has a similar lack of any romantic interest in me. I have occasionally muddled my sons' names as well. There can be just a slip of the tongue.

Recycledblonde · 21/04/2021 08:46

I called DH a completely different name during sex. I didn’t even know anyone of that name although it was a very common mans name, it didn’t even begin with the same letter or sound in any way like DHs name. He pissed himself laughing and we still laugh about it 25 years later.

ddl1 · 21/04/2021 09:59

I assume this was in his sleep, and it doesn't sound particularly suspicious to me - 'are you coming in here?' to a colleague would usually be work-related.

Years ago, I had a dream that a very casual (female) acquaintance at work came to my house and stole my knickers! It was inspired by a minor scandal then in the news, about an MP who had stolen his ex-girlfriend's knickers (yes, really) . But I suppose if I'd talked in my sleep and said something like "'Ella', give me back my knickers!" it would have sounded a bit suspicious! Dreams just aren't very logical.

JorisBonson · 21/04/2021 10:03

DH has called me the cat's name, mum and "lady" in his sleep.

I've told him I didn't know who he was and told him to get out of my bed.

You really can't control it!

Devlesko · 21/04/2021 10:07

I'd be more bothered about his reaction to you being hormonal and needing some reassurance.
He called you pathetic, doesn't sound nice.

deardia · 21/04/2021 11:26

Depends if he was dreaming. Can't control who and what you dream of. The people that appear in my dreams, I can't believe it when am awake, like why on earth was that person in my dream, I hardly see them, or don't even like them. I wouldn't even mention those dreams in RL

sonjadog · 21/04/2021 11:30

I had a sex dream about a colleague last night. In my dream we were married. I am 100% sure I do not fancy him. It is strange what our unconscious can throw up. This alone would not worry me, OP.

SVRT19674 · 21/04/2021 11:45

So he got the wrong name. I spend more hours with my colleagues than with my husband. Your brain divides everything into categories and stores accordingly. My mother will call me Jane, and I know without asking that she has been on the phone to my aunt Jane in the last three days. Woman, relative younger than her. She has called me my brother´s name and also her best friend´s name. I have called my brother my husband´s name. It happens. I find the mentionitis more interesting.

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