To not want to tell anyone about split with p

[ponderinginpoughkeepsie]

I'm making all the preparations to tell my do to leave. I'm so busy with it all but I feel like I should tell someone about it. I desperately want to confide in someone but every-time I go to type it I can't send it.
I think part of my worry is that it won't actually happen and I'll look weak/ stupid. I'm also scared they will tell me that I should have done it years ago and that will make me regret so much. I know I should have done it earlier. I just want someone to tell me that everything is going to be ok.

Everything is going to be OK op. Pick a friend you feel won't be judgemental. Or what about your mum?

My mum is the most judgemental person I know and even SHE didn't say I told you so when I left my exh.

Share everything you want to here with us, and I’m sure someone will be along who understands exactly what you are going through.

Thanks guys. I know my mum won't judge but no one knows him. He says he will kill himself. He says he won't move out unless it's in a box. Even saying it someone makes me think how little people know about what goes on behind our doors.
I'm googling one bedroom flats for him thinking wtf, he should be doing this. And there's the other feeling, the pure unbridled excitement of feeling that the end is near. No more walking on eggshells.

Nope. Emotional blackmail,get away from him as quick as you can. Tell as many people as you can. You need hel with this.
He's banking on you not telling anyone...so no one calls his bluff.

Help*

OP,
If he mentions killing himself, contact the police and tell them.

He is trying to control you.
This is abusive.

Tell them you want him to leave but he is trying to control you by threatening to kill himself.

Hand responsibility over to the police.

Tjis is not your problem or responsibility.

Controlling, abusive men do this but rarely carry it out.

Does he own the property?

I worry the police won't/cant actually do much in that situation but do call them...just for a paper trail/advice and so he know's you're serious.

What a mess he has you in. Please tell people. Not just your mum.
This is how he gets away with it because they ''dont know what goes on''

Please get over the fear of telling people and tell them all
.

You're googling flats for him? And he doesn't know about it? Or he does?

He doesn't know. I told him it was over this weekend, I've been very restrained and just carried on with no emotions.

Right, so what next? Why are you googling flats for him? Is it your house? If so why is he still there?

Are you safe with him and do you have a plan in case you aren't? My exh never hit me but did threaten suicide and when that stopped working he became more physical - ie trying to physically stop me leaving the flat etc.

So while he is in denial it's not real. Once you start making practical moves to leave this could change.

I don't want to scare you but just have a plan.

When I left my exh - my friends knew it was a bad relationship but not one of my friends said 'told you so' but helped me.

I agree that you need to tell people. Don't feel ashamed about his actions now, as you're trying to get away! He is betting on you not telling anyone. Be strong, seek support from your least judgemental friends and get his family involved if
you can.

Think of the most supportive person and pre frame their response.

Tell them you are planning and doing this. You need someone to confide in NOW you realise they may have questions, opinions (You should have before etc) but right now you need a sounding board and time.

I'm sure they'll respond positively.

You're being abused. Please tell someone! Get away and do not date again without doing a huge amount of work on yourself, starting with the Freedom Programme.

Even if you hear you should have left years ago it doesn't matter. You're doing it now and that's brilliant. I find sometimes speaking to a friend who will tell it like it is isn't always the worst thing as they give us a kick up the backside when we need it even though it can be hard to hear what they say.

OP stay strong... keep posting on here... so many knowledgeable and supportive people have gone through this lovely.

He's controlling and manipulating you by threatening suicide, get him gone and phone the Police if he refuses.

Stay strong you can do this 🌸

I just find it very hard to make him move out. It's our house. I know this is what's best but everytime I get halfway there i cower back and go with keeping the peace. The DC's are getting to a point where it's affecting them. I need to be strong,