To leave any job of 4 months.

[Smoothsoul]

I got an offer of a job last October in a huge national company on a part time basis 3 days a week in quite a niche role. I also work in this job on a self employed basis 2.5/3 days a week on my days off so I am working 6 days a week just now. I was not able to do this job until last week due to lockdown restrictions.

In my personal life I am dealing with the aftermath of a messy divorce from 5 years ago with was a highly abusive relationship and I still get bouts of attempted controlling behaviours from ex as there are dc. This causes me a lot of stress and anxiety.
I have a dd 16 who has gone of the rails until he lat year. She talks to mr like her dad did, has refused to come home many times resulting in me having to contact the police. I have had many sleepless and tearful nights and I’d it wasn’t for my partner and ds (15) I do t think I would be here today. My dd dad has been supportive in her rebellious behaviour encouraging her to smoke weed, give up on school etc. Last week she was threatening to kill her self and said she would be dead by morning. I was dead on my feet exhausted and then had to deal with it phoning emergency dr and they spoke with her. She has now been referred to cahms.
My son has been suffering from IBS and gets worked up about going to school. I reviver calls to pick him up from school and some days he hasn’t felt well enough to go.
My self employed job has been hard to get back up and running over lockdown and I feel like I’ve lost interest and passion in it and can’t be bothered with people’s demands although I do love the company of others and I’ve missed them.
However I’m really regretting the job I took. I worked for 3 weeks before I was put back on lockdown and was off on full pay from Dec-April. I have been panicking about how I would cope with all the stress and worry at home and two time demanding jobs, and my dc with all their issues.
I want to leave the job and not go back next week when I’m supposed to. I really can’t face it. My own mental health is suffering and I dont want to be off sick after being off for so long. it will just make me worse having to have the sickness talks with managers then still have to go back at some point. I dont want to have to work until 6 pm and miss my children coming in from school on 2 of the 4 nights that they are with me for dinner. (They are at their dads 3 nights or out with friends on a Friday and ist get takeaway) maybe I’m just used to making up my own rules with being selfplyed so long.
Basically am asking if it’s really bad if I leave. I feel awful and dreading telling my line manager.

I've done this, albeit in pre-covid times, so no paid leave to consider. Ultimately, your mental health is the most important thing.

That said, maybe it won't be as bad as you're imagining? In your shoes, I'd try it- quitting is always an option if you find it doesn't work for you.

I ask do t mention that i had the police at my door during lockdown for having someone in my house. - it was my mum the day before. It really upset me that someone did this to me. Mr e it’s my last bit I was upset that one of my neighbours doesn’t like me. I’ve lived here 4 year and have since had 2 others move to the street so I’m not the newbie I think it was one of the new neighbours. I still feel upset about it weeks later and have to my mum not to visit me again at my home. I am constantly on the verge of crying. I’m 45 this is wrong I should have my shit Peres and not be feeling rushed and panicked like this constantly.

Sorry about the typos I’m in bed on my phone teary again.

Anyone

You need time and energy to help yourself and your children - leave the job, you can get another job but can't get back this important time to be with your children when they need you.
I'm sorry you are having such a hard time.

If your mum visited you to provide support or advice then she would have been within the rules of offering help to a vulnerable person (you). The vulnerable person does not have to be someone elderly or disabled. Young people can have MH issues and need support too. I would just explain this to the police.

My nephew was twice stopped by police on his way to me during first lockdown while taking a short cut through park. He just explained that he was taking ready meals to his disabled aunt and offered to show them the meals. The officers just waved him on his way.

When are you meant to be going back? Next week? If so, it may not be as bad as you think. You sound very tired now but it may settle in a few days and it may give you a bit of respite from the situation at home. You can quit if you want of course, that's always an option but I would try it before quitting. Personally, when my mum was dieing and my exDH decided to be a dick and I had to start divorce proceedings, work ended up being my escape (even though I hated the job!)

Well here is an example my dd 16 is refusing to get up for school. Thinks the result of a weekend at her boyfriends whose moves to another area, smoking weed and late nights. She stayed at her dads yesterday and dad let my ds stay of school and dd go in late.
How can I get organised to go to work when I’ve got all this going on before 7am.
I’m sitting shaking with anger and crying.

You can quit your job, it isn't unreasonable. Tell them very very little about why.

Your mental health comes first.

Daughter wasnt ready this morning to leave so I took my ds tonsxhool came back to my front door wide open and her back in bed. I want to tell her to leave I’ve really had enough. 😭

Personally, if you need the money, I would keep the job and drop the self employed stuff. That way you have the security and don't need to worry about that. They sound like a very good employer having you off on full pay.
At least then that is one aspect of your life that you can control and will give you security. Can you change the hours so you do the same hours over more days so you aren't out of the house for so long each day?

I can't advise on the 16year old, but it does sound exhausting and so sad that her dad is encouraging this behaviour.

@blueluce85 I never stop the elf employed work as I can make 3-500 a week just working 2 days. It has paid for so many things and is a good send particularly at Christmas as I work more hours when in need to. I couldn’t do the self employed work during lockdown so I know I could manage without the paid employed wage. I fell in the employed is mes money per hour and my dd and my own mental health is more important than the money.