I believe I didn't develop properly as a person because I grew up scared, walking on eggshells, no confidence.
As is often the case I've then gone on to be in abusive relationships since.
I know have a fabulous, loving, caring partner who I adore, and I really would like to rid myself as far as is possible of the legacy of all my rubbish past, for my partner's sake as well as my own!
Habits I've got to shake encompass constantly worrying she'll be mad with me. Always asking her if she's okay/have I done anything wrong/is she angry and she's so patient but it is unfair.
I guess I've grown used to temper tantrums and unpredictable moods of people-people being fine one minute and in a rage the next.
More difficult to explain is the feeling I am not truly myself ever. I don't know who my 'self' is, now! I seem to be not quite in the present at any time-although I am getting slightly better.
I'm always anxious if we go anywhere that she'll be okay-I ring ahead to make sure I know exactly what is going to happen-I have lost absolutely any means of living in the moment or going with the flow. I have also become a bit scared of losing control for example laughing openly, letting her see my face during sex etc
This may read as if it is just about my partner-it isn't, It's just we're bubbled and I've not seen anyone else-however I am sure I will feel the same around friends once I can see them. I want to enjoy life again and be me again, most importantly (not sure the 'again' is required as this began when I was so young)!
Has anyone managed to make significant changes? What helped?
Hope this thread may help others too. :)