To want dd to focus on her baby and not him?

[werel]

I've nced for this as this could potentially be outing.

My dd (17) has been with this boy (18) for 2 years on and off. I've never really liked him because of he has no manners and he doesn't seem like a good person. Last year she found out she was pregnant, this 'boy' was not supportive at all and told her he didn't care about the stupid 'thing' and told her to have an abortion or their relationship would be over (so basically making her choose between baby and him). Dd chose to keep the baby and I supported her. They then got back together as he apologised to dd and said he was just scared of how his mates and family would react.

A few weeks after that he broke up with dd again and got a new girlfriend and basically rubbing it in dds face on social media saying I love this girl so much etc (I know this as dd was quite upset). His girlfriend then said something that apparently upset him so he broke up with her.

He then messaged dd and apologised to her etc, I told dd not to give him any more chances because of how he treated her. They then got together in January after being friends for a month as dd said she can trust him. They've been together since and dd gave birth a few weeks ago and she's trying her best to be a good mum but to be honest he hasn't done much to help out. He stayed here last night (as he doesn't live with us) and dd got up early with grandson and her boyfriend was still asleep and he doesn't work either.

Aibu to want her to focus on baby and not not boy?any advice will be appreciated

I was your DD 14 years ago, my Dm wouldn't let the dad stay over but did encourage him to come to see Dc. He was useless, barely turned up and rarely helped. My mum always told me the truth about how he should be helping and that the relationship wasn't right and it took a long time for me to realise she was right!
As I started to grow as mother and become more responsible and more mature I realised that he just couldn't do it.

She will realise what he's like, you just need to be there to pick up the pieces.

Is she taking care not to fall pregnant again? He doesn't sound like someone who would make much effort with contraception.

No surprise he isn't helping. He seems like a fickle child himself still - needy for attention and indecisive.

When he's around you can give him the baby to hold though. You can repeat what he needs to do in front of them both (changing nappy/clothes/bath time etc). He will either step up or step away, and she will slowly see that.

No point attacking him directly though as it will only give him an out "your mum hates me" and make leaving easier.

Well, God loves an optimist, as they say.

Seriously, are you at any point planning to step up and help your daughter build the strength and boundaries she will require as a young parent, or are you just hoping for a Disney outcome?

@LadyJaye

Well, God loves an optimist, as they say.

Seriously, are you at any point planning to step up and help your daughter build the strength and boundaries she will require as a young parent, or are you just hoping for a Disney outcome?

I have been helping DD.