Going back to work after mat leave

[Cherrytree1621]

So bit of background first, I have a newborn and my ds will be starting school in August. After my first I went back to work full time and my dp went part time as at that time it was the only option. So I've told my dp and my boss I will be returning to work part time (3 days) as I want to spend more time with our youngest than what I did with our oldest (I had a really hard time going back to work full time after mat leave and resented my dp a bit for being the one spending more time with our oldest).
Anyway my dp wants me to go back full time and him to continue to be part time as well as dropping his hours further.
Am I being unreasonable? I think I just want other people's thoughts.

You lost me at the point where you 'told' tour boss and DP that you'd be going part time.
Most of the time a couple discusses their finances and childcare arrangements, agree a plan together and then make their relevant flexible working requests.

YABU purely for thinking you get to dictate how the household runs without any meaningful discussion.

It has to be a joint decision, but that equally applies to your DP and his wanting to change his own hours.

At the risk of trotting out a well used MN line, are you planning on getting married? Dropping your own work hours will put you in a more financially vulnerable position if you are not married.

Could you both work 3/4 days as a compromise? That way you both get time with the DC.

Did you not talk about it first?

Why does your DP want to drop his hours? Does he do housework/childcare?

@LolaSmiles
OK told was the wrong choice of word, we spoke about it and me going part time was the plan and for him to continue his normal hours too.

This absolutely needs to be a joint decision. It's not fair for you to dictate that but at the same time I understand that you feel annoyed at being the main provider. But realistically we don't always get our way and I think you need to figure out what is best for your family, not just for you or your partner.

my dp wants me to go back full time and him to continue to be part time

if the gender were reversed, everybody would agree with him.

You need to discuss, but it's not as easy as saying he should go full time too, end of discussion when it's about your child. What's best for the children? Both the newborn and the one at school?
I wouldn't like to put my new baby in nursery full time frankly.

In an ideal world, you should do 50/50, but it's not as easy in the work place. You really need to have a discussion.

You told them? That's unreasonable. If your partner wants to stay part time, working out how you could meet in the middle would be a better idea.
I don't know what your workplace is like, but my boss would be very if I simply told them what was going to happen. There's a whole process of requesting flexible working that needs to be approved before your return.

@cavemum
Yes we plan to marry, though both times we have booked it we've had to cancel as we found out I was pregnant.
@owwlie
He already works 4 days and I would go back working 3.

I'm a slow typer, just saw your latest post, that you've actually requested the change.
I still think the change in working hours needs to be a discussion, and both you and your partner need to be in agreement.

You have to compromise. When I returned to work after my first I worked 4 days a week, and my husband had my son 2 days a week and MIL had him the other 2 days. I don’t blame you both wanting to work part time and to want to spend time with your children, they are only young for such a short time. When I had my second son, I went down to 2 days a week, which worked better.

Depends on your finances as well, but it does need to be a joint decision otherwise someone is going to end up feeling resentful. If it works financially then perhaps both working 4 days a week would be a solution?

So if you both discussed him staying 4 days and you doing 3 days, what's changed for him to change his mind?
Is it that your job pays more so the drop in pay would be more noticeable on the household pot? Have you discussed how childcare will be structured in both situations?

If it's an open discussion then I don't think either of your are necessarily being unreasonable, but you both need to look at the short, medium and long term picture for your family and (as you're not married) as individuals.

He hates his job and constantly talks about finding something else and I've told him if that's what he wants to do then he's the only one that can look and apply for jobs, his job pays more than mine so honestly wouldn't make sense for him to drop further hours.
We have discussed childcare and would only have to put baby in nursery 1/2 days a week and have my mum to pick up our oldest from school those days.

I think it is reasonable for you to not want to be full time again. We had the same issue in reverse and dh went part time for a year or so. I think he would prefer it to still be that way but in all honesty having me part time is better "value for money".

I went back full time after my son and my husband took the majority of our shared parental leave and didn't return.

I'm currently pregnant with our second and I've said I'm not going back full time.

You aren't being unreasonable. Though, I think a compromise is needed. Suggest both doing four days?

Do 3.5 each?