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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

CAMHS, school and daughter! AIBU??

4 replies

Howtodeal2 · 19/04/2021 13:23

Basically, my daughter is 14. She is currently under CAMHS, referred before the first lockdown as she was self harming, suicidal thoughts and had always struggled to cope with minor issues.
Currently, she is having an assessment for autism, ADD etc. As camhs had recognised certain signs.

She doesn’t have a proper friend. She didn’t have one in primary school either. She gets pushed out of friendship groups very easily, and as she isn’t assertive and lacks confidence, she is an easy target. She finds it hard to join in with certain conversations that other girls have. She does try but she just struggles to fit in.

She has a main friend, but a group of girls have taken a disliking to her, and she has ended up having to sit on her own at lunch times.
Last week, she went to sit with her friend and some of the girls were telling her she couldn’t sit with them, despite her main friend being sat there.

She struggles to concentrate in class, daydreams and is getting stressed out with it. She keeps getting warnings from the teachers about staring in to space or out of the window. She’s not disruptive at all, she’s very quiet and tends to blend in the back ground.

On Friday morning, she flat refused to go to school. She has never done this before so i talked to her and she was feeling very overwhelmed with everything that is going on. High anxiety, and feeling very alone at school. She cannot articulate very well so finds it’s very hard to approach a member of staff about how she feels.
Her face can be quite expressionless at times, so I’m not sure if this could be reason that girls tend to act the way they do. They maybe see her as rude.

Anyway, I rang the school, no reply. I emailed the school twice asking them to phone me to discuss this matter. I heard nothing at all.

So here we are today, I’m still trying to get in contact with them. I’ve rang, emailed but no luck.

The school need to be aware that my daughter is struggling again, as I know they have things in place to help with that, as she’s been known to lock herself in the toilets in the past refusing to come out when she was overwhelmed.

She has a camhs appointment tomorrow for further tests, however I’m at a loss with what to do as it’s still going to be a while before camhs figure out what may be going on.
I can’t go down the school as they lock the doors to prevent parents coming in due to covid.

Do I phone up camhs for advice? Go down the school anyway? Keep trying to phone?
AIBU in getting mega annoyed with their lack of communication?

OP posts:
Wotsitsarecheesy · 19/04/2021 19:53

Sorry op, it's really hard, but you may get more responses on the special needs boards. If she isn't able to go into school because of her anxiety, keep her at home till after your camhs appointment tomorrow. You could ask them for advice while you are there, perhaps. Do you have a SEN coordinator at school who might help? It's very poor if the school simply don't respond to concerns, and don't allow you to contact them in a way that can get a response. My DD has some issues that are similar to those of your DD. We are lucky to have a supportive school who have allowed her to go part time and drop the subjects that caused her such anxiety she was missing whole days because of them. The advice they gave me was that they wanted school to be a positive place, and if her mental health was so bad she couldn't go in, not to try force her. In the meantime they also did their best to put support in place to help her cope. So if your DD needs a couple if days put of school, let her have them until you have spoken to camhs. But I do understand and hope you can get the school to support her better.

cansu · 19/04/2021 19:58

You need to make sure your email is getting to the right person. There is also a chance that they were off sick or missed your email. Have a look on the website and find someone in SLT who has pastoral responsibilities such as the Deputy head or the year head. Email them and ask for a call to discuss.

Wotsitsarecheesy · 19/04/2021 21:03

and please ignore my typing/autocorrect errors! I should remember to proof read.

FeelinHappy · 19/04/2021 21:23

yup keep leaving messages if there is an answerphone and if still no response email one of the SLT, ideally pastoral lead.

In my experience, if you turn up with stressed out child at reception after the start of the school day, tell them that they are feeling very anxious and you need to talk to someone, someone will be found. It's better if you can phone ahead and let them know you are bringing them in. But, that does rely on child being well enough to get them into school.

Best of luck tomorrow. You are just doing your job of advocating for your daughter, and it's important that she is only left in school if she feels "safe-enough" there.

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