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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would you say something?

62 replies

Poptart4 · 19/04/2021 13:18

A friend of mine regularly wears leggings (2-3 times a week) that are seriously not flattering. I suspect they are too small for her as they are very tight and you can see every inch of cellulite on her bum and thighs. She might as well be naked they are that exposing.

I dont want to hurt her feelings but I've been thinking I should say something to her. If we were Bff's I'd have said something by now but we are not super close. More casual mates. What would you do?

YABU - say nothing
YANBU - Tell her

OP posts:
Happycat1212 · 19/04/2021 14:29

My sister done what user1493413286 suggested, about me in front of all her friends she spoke of a “friend” she had, very specific situation so it was clearly me and they were all Laughing and it was super humiliating. Why would anyone think that was a good idea Hmm

SeaTurtles92 · 19/04/2021 14:33

Are you joking?! Say absolutely nothing. A grown woman has made a choice to wear what she feels comfortable in you want to point out her cellulite?!

I bet you have clothing that doesn't look flattering on you but guess what. No one actually cares.

Ugh, a friend like you I'd put in the bin.

JesusIsAnyNameFree · 19/04/2021 14:48

I would only say something if they're so stretched you can see what underwear she is wearing. I've seen that a few times in shops. Just, why on earth do I need to know your choice of underwear?! You would never know mine unless something went really, really wrong Grin

daisyjgrey · 19/04/2021 14:48

Good lord it is literally none of your business.

Maybe she knows and doesn't give a shit about her cellulite (as she shouldn't, it's nothing to feel shit about). Leave her be or see her less if you can't deal with it.

user1493413286 · 19/04/2021 14:49

Hmm having been shouted down and people talk about their experiences of this I’ll admit that maybe it’s not the best idea. Someone did this to me once and I actually preferred it over a direct comment but obviously not for everyone
@Happycat1212 appreciate your point and I guess I hadn’t really thought it through but I wasn’t suggesting it was done in front of people

notalwaysalondoner · 19/04/2021 14:53

I agree with @NameChangedForThisFeb21 - you can phrase it in a way that's very gentle and 'not sure you were aware, just wanted to let you know, I'd wish someone had told me in that situation'. I've had a couple of people tell me when a skirt had ridden up before (both strangers, one at a conference and one on the tube) and I was so so glad they had!

I suspect it's the quality/thickness, not the size - thin cheap cottony ones tend to be the most see-through.

Bluntness100 · 19/04/2021 15:06

But this is very different to something like your skirts tucked into your knickers

This is the op feels her clothing is too tight and revealing, it’s judgey and not acceptable. It does not matter if the op thinks her clothing is too revealing and not flattering , the woman likes them and wears them, that’s it.

This isn’t a wardrobe malfunction or mishap, it’s a difference in taste.

Original poster
Poptart4 · 19/04/2021 15:19

@sunflowersandbuttercups

Unless you're about to drip-feed that she's blind, I'm sure she's more than capable of using a mirror and can see what she looks like herself!
Can she though? I didn't notice myself for ages because I'm always looking at her face. It was only when she was walking away from me a couple of weeks ago did I notice. I presume shes not staring at her own ass. I highly doubt she knows how bad it is.
OP posts:
ShirleyPhallus · 19/04/2021 15:22

Wear just a pair of 10 denier tights with a thong underneath and do lots of squats in front of her next time you’re together. When she mentions it, tell her you thought that was all the fashion based on what she wears. Et voila! Job done!

JesusIsAnyNameFree · 19/04/2021 15:23

@ShirleyPhallus

Wear just a pair of 10 denier tights with a thong underneath and do lots of squats in front of her next time you’re together. When she mentions it, tell her you thought that was all the fashion based on what she wears. Et voila! Job done!
Yes, do this Grin
sunflowersandbuttercups · 19/04/2021 15:25

Can she though? I didn't notice myself for ages because I'm always looking at her face. It was only when she was walking away from me a couple of weeks ago did I notice. I presume shes not staring at her own ass. I highly doubt she knows how bad it is.

Honestly, she's more than capable of looking at her own reflection in the mirror.

Original poster
Poptart4 · 19/04/2021 15:27

@Bluntness100

But this is very different to something like your skirts tucked into your knickers

This is the op feels her clothing is too tight and revealing, it’s judgey and not acceptable. It does not matter if the op thinks her clothing is too revealing and not flattering , the woman likes them and wears them, that’s it.

This isn’t a wardrobe malfunction or mishap, it’s a difference in taste.

But it IS a wardrobe malfunction.

No one actually wants to walk around in see through leggings.

Its happened to me before. In the house my leggings looked fine but out in actual daylight they were totally see through. I had no idea. Thank god my sister told me.

I wont say anything as we're not close enough and I really don't want to offend or hurt her.

OP posts:
Bluntness100 · 19/04/2021 15:28

I highly doubt she knows how bad it is

But that’s your opinion, she might think she looks great and you look shit. Taste is subjective.

Original poster
Poptart4 · 19/04/2021 15:29

@SmidgenofaPigeon

Yeah, say ‘oi Sandra you’ve got a bum and legs full of orange peel through your peasant-cheap leggings, they’re too small and you like a sausage bursting out of its skin. it’s offending my eyes! Only telling you for your own good like. Coffee or tea?’

I’m sure she’ll take that just fine and appreciate that you feel close enough to her to let her know.

Grin this made me laugh out loud
OP posts:
Bluntness100 · 19/04/2021 15:29

Ok cross posted of her leggings are see through, which is not what you said, then just say oh your leggings have gone see through.

That’s different to I can see your cellulite as they are too tight.

HarebrightCedarmoon · 19/04/2021 15:53

I wouldn't say anything about the leggings except that I think they are a bit see through, I wouldn't tell her she looks fat and terrible! But when she wears something else I'd tell her she looks nice.

wesowereonabreak · 19/04/2021 15:57

NO ONE is ever unaware that leggings are underwear and not trousers. She knows, or she is completely deluded about her body.

Do not say anything, ever.

Unless it's a work related issue - and what kind of work place would allow leggings in the first place
or her sports leggings have a big hole where they shouldn't have!

wesowereonabreak · 19/04/2021 15:59

No one actually wants to walk around in see through leggings.

and you based that statement on .. what?
Some people do! Why, I have no idea, but leggings are underwear. They are not designed to cover up!

I am not against leggings, have loads, but it's obvious what they are.

DrSbaitso · 19/04/2021 16:02

You don't know her well enough. Say nothing unless she asks.

NameChangedForThisFeb21 · 19/04/2021 16:20

Leggings are underwear?!

What are they meant to be worn UNDER?!

What a silly statement.

They are sold in the sportswear or clothing sections of stores. Not the lingerie section next to the bras and knickers.

They are NOT underwear.

JesusIsAnyNameFree · 19/04/2021 16:41

@NameChangedForThisFeb21

Leggings are underwear?!

What are they meant to be worn UNDER?!

What a silly statement.

They are sold in the sportswear or clothing sections of stores. Not the lingerie section next to the bras and knickers.

They are NOT underwear.

But they're also not meant to be worn with a short top if they're so thin you can see every detail of your underwear and bottom half.

I say meant. I guess what I actually mean is, it's quite indecent and unpleasant to see.

NameChangedForThisFeb21 · 19/04/2021 16:51

But they're also not meant to be worn with a short top if they're so thin you can see every detail of your underwear and bottom half.

I say meant. I guess what I actually mean is, it's quite indecent and unpleasant to see.

Yes, what you say is fair enough and I’d agree that cheap see through/hosiery tights like leggings should always be worn with something covering the bum.

But I really take issue with the word “underwear” being generally used to describe leggings.

I don’t think this lady looks like she’s walking about in her underwear.

I also feel shocked or offended if I’m in a supermarket and someone walks in wearing a gym outfit of a sports vest/top and thick sports leggings. I wouldn’t say the same if they’d walked in wearing just their bra and a thong...you know actual underwear.

Would you say something?
NameChangedForThisFeb21 · 19/04/2021 16:52

I mean I wouldn’t feel shocked or offended if someone wore gym leggings to the supermarket.

JesusIsAnyNameFree · 19/04/2021 17:00

@NameChangedForThisFeb21

Those seem pretty thick so that should be fine. God knows if they actually are outside in the sun though.

I had a top that looked absolutely fine infront of the mirror but when I went outside my husband informed me he could see my bra. Thankfully I didn't go to work like that!

Heysiriyouknob · 19/04/2021 17:06

Oh god is this me.

I'm too fat for anything else and too skint to buy nicer clothes.

I know I look horrendous and if a friend brought it up I'd be mortified.