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Original poster

Burnout - anyone suffering and any tips for recovery?

89 replies

Burn0ut · 19/04/2021 11:35

I have one month recovery time (starting today!) between me leaving the high stress job which caused me severe burnout and a new, hopefully less stressful job.

Would you please hit me with your burnout happy recovery stories/tips/suggestions?

I have spent most of the weekend sleeping and analysing why my old job gave me so much stress, but I'd like to leave the past in the past and move on, have a better plan to recover.

I have thought of: swimming, walking and giving up caffeine. maybe some form of therapy if available.

At the moment my 'flight or flight' system is fully switched on and I am at the same time lethargic and terribly edgy.

I'd be really grateful to hear about others in similar situation and what helped you. Thank you!

OP posts:
FeelinHappy · 20/04/2021 09:35

No this is therapy, not self indulgence.

Kindly, take care that you don't turn the task of taking time out into another chance to over-achieve. Sleep more. Do less. At least for a week or 2, then see how you feel. Otherwise you're just swapping one set of targets for another and that is your sticking plaster that won't get to the root of the problem. If you find yourself pleased with how busy you are or how much you've achieved in a day, then have a word with yourself! :)

bridgetreilly · 20/04/2021 11:53

i am grieving for past me who would get up and six and go for a run and be bouncing with energy and optimism all day. I feel I am 94 years old now

Sure, but you won't get that back by just deciding to be that person. You have to start where you are now. And be kind to the person you are now. You wouldn't make a 94 year old get up at six and go for a run. Don't do it to yourself either.

MonkeyPuddle · 20/04/2021 12:02

Gosh you sound far from self indulgent to me. You sound incredibly emotionally intelligent.
Re the struggling to get up on a morning, I do a 5 min breathing exercise from Mindful on Spotify, I find the focussing on something for a short time helps switch my brain on.

picklemewalnuts · 20/04/2021 15:40

Book in things you'd like to do every day. If 10am is a reasonable slow start for you, then book in something nice at 10am. It makes getting up much easier!

Original poster
Burn0ut · 21/04/2021 08:04

Thank you all again. This thread is my lifeline at the moment. I read each message and get so much out of them - thank you for your support again.

Point taken about the not filling up the day with 'to dos' but just as an explanation, in my early 20s I had a severe bout of depression ( had lo suspend university and went back to live with my parents) and I associate not doing anything with that period in my life. Some days I am, at the same time, drawn to and terrified of inactivity.

One of the things which helped me to get better when I had depression was swimming - it has a really calming/energising effect on me - and I always turn to daily swimming in periods of crisis. I do not do a lot, but 30 minutes a day with my head deeply in the water, and breathing, and moving in the water is enough to make me feel better. It is a kind of moving mediation when I do not think of anything, just count my breaths, my strokes and my laps.

This morning I am going earlier, and I have booked a massage. Now, to get up!

OP posts:
Amdone123 · 21/04/2021 08:13

@Burn0ut, have a great day !( I love your description of swimming, sounds bliss).

ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 21/04/2021 08:27

When I went a particularly tough and stressful time in work I sat down and wrote the letter to work I would have loved to send. It was amazing how much bottled up emotion came out. It helped me release some of the tension. I then destroyed the letter.
Three things for you to think about that might help:-

  1. Do you define your self worth by your job?If so, look for the positives about yourself that don’t relate to your work performance.
  2. Remember “good enough is good enough” in work. It doesn’t need to be perfect, it doesn’t need to be the best report ever; it just needs to do the job to a good enough standard.
  3. The more you offer: the more they will take. Companies will happily accept you taking on more than your workload - it saves them employing someone else.

Take care and don’t set yourself too many goals in your downtime if it starts to recreate the pressure to perform.

picklemewalnuts · 21/04/2021 11:44

I get up every day for a virtual tai chi class! Some days I get up earlier, feel good, and do stuff. Other days that class is what gets me up and dressed.

It's been good, as well, to prioritise my fitness. A lockdown silver lining.

provencegal · 21/04/2021 14:38

Your swimming sounds lovely!! Definitely worth doing if it is making you feel better. The sensation of the water is quite healing.

I know just what you mean about depression and being young, I overcame my depression by being busy (distracted really!) and it is a technique that works. There is literally no time to dwell on the depression. Maybe worth exploring the source of the depression/and running away from deeper emotions by being 'on the go' all of the time. If you can't be still, and be calm within yourself maybe counselling or some kind of therapy can help you.

I used to almost be afraid of emptiness. Something about emptiness reminded me of those long days of struggling. So filling up the diary until I was exhausted and burnt out was easier than feeling that discomfort.

Gufo · 21/04/2021 21:37

Yoga is a nice way to get 20 minutes of calm time - check out Yoga with Adriene for short, beginner-friendly classes. I really notice a difference in lower stress levels when I do it regularly.

Sciurus83 · 21/04/2021 22:14

There are some great suggestions here but I also think you should look at getting a therapist and working on what happened and building some resilience for the future.

Howzaboutye · 21/04/2021 22:33

You are doing too much!
Reflexology, Bowen, back & scalp massage. Do these body work things to help your brain to slow down and relax.
Might you have ADHD/Asperger's? If you are expending that much energy on coping with life, but you are intelligent and burnt out, it might be you were in the wrong job/ company for your skill set & personality.

Definitely give up caffeine.

FluffyMcWuffy · 21/04/2021 23:13

Stress can really affect your vit and mineral levels esp if alcohol and sugar is in the mix as it depletes many essential nutrients (b group vits especially) so I would really look at your diet and ensure you are getting loads of fruit and veg in. I was in your shoes c10 years ago, it took me a good few months to start feeling better. I bought a juicing machine and a book about veg/fruit juices and made a few every day for a few weeks. Added things like chlorophyll, spirulina powders to really give me a lift. Stress hormones can be very debilitating so I would suggest you read about those and how you can calm your adrenal glands down as they are massively affected by the flight/fight response connected with stress and there are things you can do/take to support them.

lunepremiere79 · 22/04/2021 06:10

OP, sorry this has happened to you. When I am starting to get to the point of being too stressed I drink roiboos tea, have you tried it? Its decaf and makes you serene. It really makes so much difference I couldn't believe it. It has to be loose and you need to drink it for at least a couple of days, several times

Mucky1 · 22/04/2021 06:19

Reading this thread has given me a real omg moment. Iv never heard of burnout but after reading this thread everything has suddenly fallen into place! Off to google!!

picklemewalnuts · 22/04/2021 07:14

It used to be common to refer to people having a nervous breakdown.
While I can see the terminology wasn't helpful, it did name a specific situation where you just have to stop and recover.

Howzaboutye · 22/04/2021 07:18

Your swimming sounds very therapeutic.

Read the book- the power of now by erkart tolle. It sounds like you are holding onto alot from your past.
Being in the 'now' may help you.

Are you anemic? Extreme tiredness can be the result. It affects your whole body and brain. Take some chelated iron every day. If you feel more energy after a week then keep taking it!

Howzaboutye · 22/04/2021 07:19

Your swimming sounds very therapeutic.

Read the book- the power of now by erkart tolle. It sounds like you are holding onto alot from your past.
Being in the 'now' may help you.

Are you anemic? Extreme tiredness can be the result. It affects your whole body and brain. Take some chelated iron every day. If you feel more energy after a week then keep taking it!

Brown76 · 22/04/2021 07:51

OP reading your words carefully you say that you were able to do the phd and be a high performer, but also suffered emotionally.

2 thoughts:

  1. Did you do these things by neglecting your need for rest and emotional support?
  1. Is it usual that PhD students would have some emotional and mental struggles with the process?

I wonder if you are expecting perfection from yourself in either not having emotional difficulties, or, when you do have them, squashing them down as indulgent and knuckling down?

bridgetreilly · 22/04/2021 11:42

2. Is it usual that PhD students would have some emotional and mental struggles with the process?

It is EXTREMELY common. However, imo, that is because the expectations and demands are very often unreasonable, students are are usually struggling on a low income and are often also at stressful times of life, e.g. with young children.

It may also be because the kinds of people doing PhD's are often accustomed to being high achievers who push themselves hard.

I was diagnosed with depression halfway through mine, and that is also not uncommon.

StrapOnSallyChasedMeDownTheAli · 22/04/2021 12:01

Make sure you take all the time off that you need to fully recover too @Burn0ut if that means asking for extra time off from work then do just that. It took me 6 months to feel 'normal' again, and well enough to return to work. I returned with a different mindset too, that no job is worth killing myself over, learning to say no or delegating work instead of trying to be the 'helpful' employee who was happy to help everyone with anything. I was guilty of this and it was to my detriment eventually. Take care x

Original poster
Burn0ut · 22/04/2021 12:03

@Mucky1 I am so glad this has helped.

I want to thank you all again for your comments, as they all come from a place of kindness and wanting to help. Lots of great suggestions.

I just wanted to make a couple of comments:

  • The job I left had extremely high staff turnover and poor management. The fact that I have burned out from it definitely shows my poor judgement of investing in, and trying to improve, a situation which, on reflection, could not be improved.

I do believe it demonstrates overcommitment and an inability to create strong boundaries but, on the other hand, out of a seven people department I am the fifth to quit/move on in the space of fifteen months.

So, I do not think my stress is due to me being necessarily differently 'wired', as some have suggested. The situation was objectively shit!

Absolutely point taken, though, from those of you who have suggested to avoid being the 'top performer' in my next job, just being good enough will be.. good enough!

Anyway, it is amazing how much better I feel one week away from the shit job already.

Honestly, last Thursday I felt that if existed a 'painlessly and with no ill effects to your family' self-destruct button I would have pushed it, and today I am thinking 'you know what, I think I can do this'.

OP posts:
Original poster
Burn0ut · 22/04/2021 12:09

@bridgetreilly I am so sorry that you suffered too. I hope you are better now?

OP posts:
Original poster
Burn0ut · 22/04/2021 12:14

@StrapOnSallyChasedMeDownTheAli, thank you for your comment and definitely you have a great point there, however, my situation is different in the sense that I realised that there was an objective reality in the job that I could not change by changing my attitude (see above) so I have left and I am moving on to a new job.

I have a long, consistent working history, which shows commitment and progression, and this is the first time that happens to me so I have hopes that in an healthier job I will be able to keep a healthier mindset, as I have for the past 15 years of working life.

OP posts:
bridgetreilly · 22/04/2021 12:16

Thank you, I am very much better in most ways, though the depression has returned on and off over the years. I am much faster to recognise it and get the help and medication I need, though.

I also went through burnout a few years ago (not PhD related) and the best thing I ever did was work half-time for six months and then return to 0.8FTE. I have Fridays off and it is brilliant. I am much more ruthless about not working endless hours on the other days and am fortunate to have an incredibly supportive boss who regularly checks that I am taking enough time off.