to expect mum to contribute to fuel when she uses the car (sorry long!)

[cantgetcomfy]

Basically my mum is doing me a huge favour by picking my DS up from school. This had always been the arrangement since I feel pregnant with DS and due to the fact that she retired the christmas before he started school. Now she has decided that she still wants to work part time (more than fair) and has two jobs - which she has a wee van for and the other is hairdressing in an old folks home. Now the day that she does her hairdressing she asked to use our car. We agreed because she is doing us a huge favour getting DS but we have quite a powerful car which does use up a lot of fuel and for each day that she has the car she is using up about a quarter of a tank - so in a week its over half a tank of fuel. On the days that she uses the car I go and pick her up in the morning (about 8 miles) and then she drops me at the station at her bit and then goes back to my house to take DS to school (another 8 miles) then goes to the other side of edinburgh and back again (round trip of about 45 miles). Now I would have no objection to paying for the fuel if she was just taking DS to school but her using the car for work is costing us a fortune. My dad uses their car for work so she can't use that which is understandable but I asked if she could come across to ours in the morning in her van which would give both me and DS more time in the morning and would also save on the fuel. She told me that "no because that would mean that she'd have to put fuel in her van and she doesn't want to do that". This hacks me off a bit because surely she would have to put fuel in her own car or the van to get to work if she wasn't taking DS to school and i feel that at the moment she's making 2/3 trips 40 mile trips a week and not having to pay for the fuel because we're paying for it. To be truthful we can't afford to put putting out all that money on fuel each week (working out at over £60 per week) as well as paying for my train fair into work. Now i know you'll all say that she is doing me a favour and I should be grateful and I am grateful that she's helping with DS but I just feel as if a little bit of compromise wouldn't go amiss. Ah!! Am I being unreasonable????

The only reason you have had the car aspect analysed is because you said in your op that you could not afford to put the money in each week!
I am glad there is no tension though
Best of luck x

The car sounds lovely, we all need some treats.

As for your mum, i can't see that what she is doing is that outrageous really. For the sake of 30 quid a week I would keep quiet and just accept the arrangement. I think you would spend more if you paid someone to do the school run. I looked into this recently when my fil was ill and a local childminder wanted 5 quid an hour per child (I have two).

what a flaff!

i would make better arrangements... she is obviously getting worked up about putting herself out... i am quite shocked that she phoned you up and said 'you didn't put enough petrol in the car' and got soo huffy that you had to collect it from her house!

if she is borrowing the car, she is borrowing the car, including taking care of it and filling it up with petrol for her own needs.

my pil used our car (there was 1/2 a tank in there, more than enough for their trip) and they filled it up again to full, as a way of saying thanks.

she is your mother and she is taking the p*ss.

Surely if you paid a childminder couldn't you claim back some of the costs of it from tax credits or something (not sure how it all works as I don't have a child minder/nursery). Maybe it would just work out better to keep family out of the equation if it seems such a hassle for her to do. I know my mum would happily do the same for me if I needed it but she wouldn't have the long journey to our house first, she also wouldn't expect to make a profit out of it as such, just not be out of pocket. Surely that is the difference between family and professional care.

An ST220 bet it goes like a rocket

I would keep quiet, you get a reliable family member to collect your son from school for £30 a week?

I think if you just both acknowledged that she is receiving a minor wage or finacial compensation for collecting your son then you'd both feel better about it.

The problems come from her thinking you OWE her this ecause she is doing you a favour, and you thinking that she OWES you because she is benefitting financially from the arrangement which was never the intention...

I would seriously state that getting your ds up at 6.30am to do a pointless 16+mile trip is ridiculous and if only for that reason I would ask that she omes over to you and uses her van, for which you will gladly fill her tank up each week.

I think your Mum has a point.