Mumsnet Logo
My feed

to access all these features


Being taken advantage of a long time after separation - please talk some sense into me

2 replies

bogglin · 18/04/2021 10:59

I posted some time ago under a different username about my partner (father of my children) and the financial inequality, total lack of intimacy and the relationship basically being dead.

I plucked up the courage to end things, then lockdown hit so his new rental fell through and then here we are more than a year later, separated and living under the same roof.

I pay for everything. We are in a situation where we are living as friends, parenting the children, but I desperately want to move on.

He claims cannot afford to go. Likewise I can’t afford to pay him to go either, seeing as pretty much all of my money goes on the house, bills, food and things the kids need. I also don’t feel I should have to pay for this.

It’s got to a point it’s making me ill. I can’t sleep properly, I don’t know how to now broach the subject that enough is enough.

As not to drip feed, we are not married, house is rented in both of our names but I pay the rent and all associated bills. I genuinely don’t know where his money goes.

I don’t want to see him have to live in some hovel that isn’t suitable for the children, but I’m also becoming more and more resentful and have a constant nervous feeling in my stomach. I just don’t know what to do or say and I’m petrified of even asking him what the hell is going on and that I am not willing to live like this anymore. I hardly recognise myself. I’m constantly nervous.

I cannot leave this house and don’t feel I should have to. I love living here and the tenancy would have to be ended early resulting in a lost deposit and then further cost/stress of moving.

In my mind, he needs to ask for his family to help - even if that means just staying with them for a while until he can pay for a place of his own. I’m fully aware I’m facilitating this situation and he knows that for the sake of the kids I won’t rock the boat.

Please talk some sense into me. I know I’m being taken advantage of. How do I begin this conversation? I’m by no means a weak person, but in this situation I don’t even know who I am anymore and I can’t deal with it for much longer.

OP posts:

dopeyduck · 18/04/2021 11:34

Yep, time to sit down, give him 30 days notice to move out.

Contact letting agency and explain the situation and ask them to make the agreement in your name from 30 days time.

Tell him you'll facilitate an agreement regarding contact and the children.

If this fails then go to mediation.

You can't go on like this.


bogglin · 18/04/2021 12:13

Thank you. It’s just broaching the subject makes me feel sick. I just know it’s going to turn volatile, but I can’t go on like this now and surely he can’t be happy with the arrangement?

OP posts:
Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Sign up to continue reading

Mumsnet's better when you're logged in. You can customise your experience and access way more features like messaging, watch and hide threads, voting and much more.

Already signed up?