Should we censor our own social media -If not why not?

[ForeverAintEnough12]

A bit of a TAAT but interested to get peoples views.

In my opinion we do censor ourselves in day to day life - nice to the work colleague we hate, don’t insult people based on their appearances, don’t bring up something we know will upset or hurt our friend, don’t make throwaway comments to people. All things needed for a functioning society.

At the start of social media I put up what I wanted but in recent years have started to be more mindful of what I put up and the impact on the people who see it - as they are my friends / family and I care about them.

So eg when buying a home and knowing friends are struggling with deposits not putting up how amazing it is to be a homeowner. Instead saying ‘looking forward to settling into new home’

With a cousin dying of cancer not posting ‘loving life’ but putting up ‘having a lovely day’.

So I share my life , but it does cross my mind sometimes that something I’m posting might be hard for others and I just try be mindful of it. I don’t see it as a chore but just like how I would filter myself a bit in day to day life.

Do others do the same? And if not why does social media get a free pass of people getting to say whatever they want?

I know people will say you can unfollow but for those who say if you don’t like it unfollow would you genuinely keep posting things if everyone unfollowed you - and would you ever been annoyed if lots of your friends unfollowed you. We do post these things for friends to see so why is it a ‘put up or shut up’ type thing instead of trying to create a nice space for people to chat and interact.

Long I know but AIBU?

I don’t think that deciding not to be a massive dick is an act of censorship.

This is one of the reasons I don't do it, I think it's a bit crass too to see people showing off amazing ski holidays etc

That’s not really what that thread is about. The poster asked if her friend was wrong to be find something she’d written insensitive. People told her how and why one particular bit of what she’d said was insensitive - because it clearly implied that people who didn’t share her experience were lesser in some way.

That’s not the same as posting something positive about your life which might make other people jealous. I think that’s fine, as long as you’re not literally saying, “oh look, bet you wish you were me”.

@MrsTulipTattsyrup it’s more inspired by how lots of posters on that thread were saying ‘it’s her social media if the friend doesn’t like it then scroll by or get off social media’. I was surprised to see so many views like that.

It doesn’t really apply on real life ‘if my boss doesn’t like that I say she’s crap at her job that’s her problem and she can get on work if or quit’

I don’t think social media should get a free pass.

I was wondering what others views were!

Surely most people with any kind of empathy and insight use social media positively and follow the social rules they have in real life. I don't know why you wouldn't, presumably you are interacting with people you like and care about.

[quote ForeverAintEnough12]@MrsTulipTattsyrup it’s more inspired by how lots of posters on that thread were saying ‘it’s her social media if the friend doesn’t like it then scroll by or get off social media’. I was surprised to see so many views like that.

It doesn’t really apply on real life ‘if my boss doesn’t like that I say she’s crap at her job that’s her problem and she can get on work if or quit’

I don’t think social media should get a free pass.

I was wondering what others views were![/quote]
I agree with you, as it goes, and I don’t use FB any more because of the level of utter drivel which people feel moved to share, whether personal or otherwise.

I do think keyboard warrior cruelty is a real issue these days (not least here!) and people seem to behave online in ways they never would when faced by a real person.

I agree with you OP. I think it's important to be mindful of others and courteous, on the assumption that 99% of people are pretty decent and you wouldn't deliberately upset them (do as you would be done by).

I often think, particularly when I venture on Twitter of other social media, that public discourse online has become toxic and ill-mannered; people are so horrible to each other and it bleeds into offline behaviour as well, from what I have seen. It's really unpleasant and at times, very upsetting. I don't want to live in a society that encourages that kind of behaviour, or at least, where the adults don't model polite, courteous behaviour to children. You can disagree with people, or remove yourself from a group, or point out to someone they have been disagreeable, without being discourteous yourself.

That's not quite what you've asked, but I see it as part of the same slippery slope. And "scroll on by" ignores the point that to realise something isn't what you want to read, you have to have read it in the first place

I get where you're coming from but then when does the censorship end? I might post something that I think is innocuous only for someone to take it the wrong way, people can be offended by anything (and that's OK, they're entitled to their feelings). It's impossible to know... I've now looked at my own Instagram and could probably find fault, at a pinch, with every single post (e.g. my holidays, pregnancy, looking nice/slim, buying a house etc). I'm not intentionally trying to make anyone feel bad and my posts are similar to 99‰ of what others post.

I think I'm a good person and genuinely try not be a dick (!) but can't I be allowed to post things because they make me happy/feel good? I honestly don't know what the answer is... I'm pretty liberal but as I get older, I feel myself getting more and more annoyed at this erosion of freedom of speech... I also wonder whether what's needed is actually some education around SM, like not believing everything you see, not letting it affect your mental health. I'm lucky to have lots of confidence and a pretty thick skin and I just can't get worked up by others posts. But I do realise lots of people, including younger girls, don't have the same ability.

Actually, in a very long winded way, maybe that's the answer! Some education? Mental health is so important, as is having a dose of self worth and the ability to accept others have different lifestyles/opinions from you?

Interesting thread, thank you for giving me food for thought - I hope I've given others some too!

I don’t post anything really. I don’t mind the selling sites or need to look up a restaurant or some business

Really dislike those who post ‘what times x open’ ‘anyone know a plumber’ - because they are lazy and can’t manage their own lives - the ‘do it for me generation’

So eg when buying a home and knowing friends are struggling with deposits not putting up how amazing it is to be a homeowner. Instead saying ‘looking forward to settling into new home’

That's ok to post. It's big life event. Otherwise we could post nothing because there is always someone who has it worse. ALWAYS.

With a cousin dying of cancer not posting ‘loving life’ but putting up ‘having a lovely day’.
Totally different. Unless you have a half of brain only, nooooo.

SM are to share things. People will share things which someone else doesn't like. I share things like in normal life. Would I hide from friends I bought a house? No.

But. It may be different because I use sm to keep up with friends and family abroad as well. And I have like 20 followers on insta😂 I just add people I like and know they like me.

I agree to an extent but if you took into account absolutely everything that everyone you know might feel about something, you’d never say anything. There is a line between “Don’t be a dick” and “Tie yourself in knots in case you accidentally say something someone else doesn’t like”.

I’m also of the opinion that if something is going to upset you, it’s largely up to you to either not put yourself in a position where it will affect you, or deal with how you feel about things. Case in point: a friend recently posted about her pregnancy on FB, nothing fancy just a picture of her with a small bump. But she prefaced it with an apology about how sorry she was if this upset anyone, wouldn’t be offended if they unfollowed her, didn’t want to cause any hurt. She shouldn’t have to do that, IMO, it’s ok to be happy about nice things that happen in life without the need to apologise. If someone is genuinely going to be distressed hearing about a friend’s pregnancy then maybe social media isn’t for you.

I think social media like Facebook were you write stories etc will eventually die off.
I find most of it incredibly cringe, especially any couple who write paragraphs for each other.
I also think people don't realise the security risks for social media. I use it a lot for work and it's amazing how much people are willing to share - buying a new home and tagging their developer so you can work out where they live, then confirming the route they run every Saturday and what days they work etc. People leave themselves open.
I only post photographs, no words and never in live time as such.

@Wanderlust20 I agree anyone can take offence at anything. I think it’s just taking two minutes to do a quick sense check. Posting picture of yourself slim - fine. That’s how you look, yes someone may feel inadequate but it’s not your fault. Captioning a picture of yourself looking slim saying ‘it’s amazing being so slim and looking so well’ bit tone deaf and people could feel it’s directed at them if they’re not slim.

Actually the posters on this thread all have the same views at me which is very good to know. I just felt like an alien on the other thread which was very much ‘ I post whatever I want if you don’t like it get on with it or you need to leave social media’ which I think at this stage, with social media unfortunately looking like it’s here to stay for now - isn’t good enough. People should be applying a bit more thought to it like they would in their own lives.

@Francescaisstressed

I think social media like Facebook were you write stories etc will eventually die off. I find most of it incredibly cringe, especially any couple who write paragraphs for each other. I also think people don't realise the security risks for social media. I use it a lot for work and it's amazing how much people are willing to share - buying a new home and tagging their developer so you can work out where they live, then confirming the route they run every Saturday and what days they work etc. People leave themselves open. I only post photographs, no words and never in live time as such.

Yes. And holidays. I always post after we come back. Even though my accounts are all private and I check regularly if anything changed and public could see more than I want.

Actually the posters on this thread all have the same views at me which is very good to know. I just felt like an alien on the other thread which was very much ‘ I post whatever I want if you don’t like it get on with it or you need to leave social media’ which I think at this stage, with social media unfortunately looking like it’s here to stay for now - isn’t good enough. People should be applying a bit more thought to it like they would in their own lives.

I usually say that on these threads here because people are usually just bitchong about people posting pics of food toouch, too many updates "who cares, eh", about their x and y.

Most of the issues which come up on that threads are simply caused by people friending and following people they actually don't like that much. Then I say "just don't watch it, they can post whatrver they want to fgs"

I get round it mainly by being very careful about who I friend. I've always had an embargo on colleagues, for instance, even those I love and have worked with forever. I don't have anyone gossipy or anyone I don't feel I can trust.

And then, yes, I do think about what I'm posting. It's possible to select who sees each post that you make, so occasionally I've made posts or photos not visible to someone if I thought it they'd find then difficult to see.

It's not censoring, it's being empathetic.

I think that’s why I have stopped posting on Facebook really. I can never seem to think of something that I want to say to everyone all at once. I like conversations with individuals - I have different friends who I talk about different topics with, mindful of each person’s experiences and current situation. Putting blanket statements out to everyone I know all at once never really sat comfortably with me. I just didn’t know why I was doing it or for what purpose. It took away the joy and closeness of maintaining proper friendships with regular, specific, communication. I’m much happier for it.

@foreveraintenough12 Oh I do agree with the sense checking though! Sorry if your original point got lost in the discussion.

I try not to brag.