To be fed up of constant messages, texts?

[imissthe90s]

Just wondering if I'm alone in this one!

When I was younger I used to be glued to my phone unhealthily.
Now I'm older with three DC with all different medical issues and I also have medical issues myself I just don't have time nor the energy to be glued to my phone and social media anymore especially when my DC are home from school (I have no family near by who help with DC so it's litteratly just me and the kids I get a break maybe once every 3 years where family will take them and it's exhausting espically with my own health needs.)
I have friends who are a bit younger to me but do have kids of their own and they just don't seem to get it.
They think I should drop everything I'm doing to reply to a message saying "hi!" And when I eventually reply a few days later saying I haven't been on my phone I've been busy they don't understand how I've not checked my messages I'm the same with family messages too (unless it's urgent of course in which case I'll get a phone call.)
Am I alone in this not wanting to jump on my phone and stop what I'm doing with my DC to instantly to random messages? Am I being rude being like this? I do eventually reply but it can take a few days but my friends take it personally.

I'm the same. If it's important they could ring. Checking messages is just not on my radar. I check possibly once a day, twice if I'm expecting one from the kids school.

When you pick up your phone to Google a number, or look at a map, or remind yourself what time swimming class is by looking at an email... why don't you see all the little circles or notifications saying "3 messages"?? I pick up and touch my phone many multiples of time a day, just to live my life. At that point I at least know I have messages and it's pretty clear who from, even if I choose not to read them.

No, my notifications are turned off as I've had people try messaging me when I'm putting the kids to bed and my phone is in my pocket and my phone wakes them up again or even at 6am in the morning with pointless texts and it wakes me up.

I totally get you! I have ME and it's exhausting sometimes to reply to texts and calls, and then I get more and more texts about wanting to hear from me that feel almost passive aggressive...it's nice they want to keep in contact but when you have kids and a disability it does take a lot of energy and I can't get back immediately.

I get you and you’re NBU, other people don’t get to dictate how you use your phone/allocate your time!

I get it. I don’t have my phone glued to me, I can go days without responding to texts , WhatsApp etc. Or messenger on FB. If they need me they call me

I had the expectation that I need to reply to a message instantly. So I don't. I also don't feel the need to run to pick up the phone if I'm in the middle of something.

I’d suggest responding in the evening once the kids are all down?

I understand not responding immediately, but as your friend I'd just think you didn't care about the friendship if you waited days each time. I'd probably stop bothering with you.

@JaneTheVirgin

I understand not responding immediately, but as your friend I'd just think you didn't care about the friendship if you waited days each time. I'd probably stop bothering with you.

This is my thinking. I don't expect an immediate response... But if every message took days and days to get a response I'd assume you didn't care and I'd stop bothering you as I'd feel that clearly my messages weren't welcome.

I have a message on my email account saying it is not checked regularly and to contact me directly if it is urgent.

I have made clear to all of my friends and family to call me if it is an emergency otherwise not to expect immediate answers. I did this years ago after my brother and a friend demanded to know why I wasn't replying instantly. I am not here to serve others with instant messages. I leave my messages unread until I have time to read them properly. I tend to check mine first thing for anything urgent and then I am busy for the rest of the day.

You are not obliged to live your life with other people's rules.

People will soon understand and put you in the box that is marked slow responder. Perfect place to be if you want to live your life in peace.

I am also not on an FB/Instagram or Whatsapp so my life feels clutter free as I can possibly make it.

I meant notifications in the sense of on your screen. Obviously many people have the sound and vibration turned off. So you're not bothered at bathtime or distracted- but when you go to your phone for something, you see the messages are there.

That's what I'm on about- do you not see them when you pick up your phone to do normal life things like making a call or finding out a fact?