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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think this social distancing thing at funerals has gone too far?

35 replies

malificent7 · 18/04/2021 05:00

One of the cruelest things about the pandemic has been that people have often not had the send off they deserve which is understandable under the circumstances i spose. I have been to one online funeral, one well known persons funeral who would have had 100s of mourners but had 30 etc and was unable to attend the funeral of a friend.
Seeing the Queen on her own made me think wtf?! She has had her vaccination...why not sit with the family?
She did the right thing setting an example but aibu to be a bit confused as to how crowds thronged to Soho for a drink but the Queen cant sit with her family and the same applies for all funerals? Heartless.

OP posts:

Tumbleweed101 · 18/04/2021 06:56

Agree. Especially as nearly all families are likely have been together before and after the funeral itself anyway. We now have LFT - just take one before hand. We have vaccination for the vulnerable. Together these should be enough to ensure most families are safe for what will primarily be a family event given the restriction on number of people attending.

PointeShoesandTutus · 18/04/2021 07:23

I agree. We lost my father in law over the pandemic. Even though it was pre vaccination, there was no way we were leaving my mother in law to sit alone. It was the only time I broke the rules, but I hugged her, I held her hand, I put my arm around her. It’s not humane otherwise. We did isolate afterwards to limit the risk to others, but for me it was the right thing to do.

That being said, my father in law did not have a public, televised funeral. I think the queen had to be conscious of being very very careful, and adhering to the rules perfectly. Had she hugged her family - which would have been out of character for her formal role anyway - she would no doubt have been lambasted by the tabloids saying she thinks she’s ‘above the rules.’

Tlollj · 18/04/2021 07:30

Prince Phillip’s funeral didn’t make any sense to me. Surely they hugged and comforted each other before and after.

SylvieHortensis · 18/04/2021 07:34

I don't think they're a huggy family.

Sparklingbrook · 18/04/2021 07:34

Even if the Queen had been sat next to her children/wider family there would have been no public kissing/hugging/hand holding . That’s not the way the Royal Family are.

Sparklingbrook · 18/04/2021 07:35

@SylvieHortensis

I don't think they're a huggy family.

I agree. Not in public anyway.

FlyingBurrito · 18/04/2021 07:37

She did the right thing setting an example but aibu to be a bit confused as to how crowds thronged to Soho for a drink but the Queen cant sit with her family and the same applies for all funerals? Heartless

It isn't really confusing though, it's the current rules, right or wrong, people are allowed to meet outside and on a sunny day they are going to do that. If it had been pouring down with rain the contrast wouldn't have been front page news.

I agree that the funeral rules do seem too strict and maybe this will lead to a rethink and relaxing sooner that planned. I don't know what the next stage is for those.

Sceptre86 · 18/04/2021 07:39

They don't appear to be a huggy, kissy family at least not in public. In the Queen's position she had to demonstrate compliance, I would hope she got plenty of hugs and lots of comfort in private but who knows?

Sparklingbrook · 18/04/2021 07:41

There has to be rules for funerals because otherwise there would be too many people indoors not socially distancing.
It’s just being treated like any other indoor gathering.
They can’t say funerals are exempt.

EverdeRose · 18/04/2021 07:51

It's so very sad that we can go sit in a beer garden with people not of our household but can't comfort each other at a family funeral.

Horridcreature · 18/04/2021 07:52

They were following the rules and had to due to the position they hold.

If there was a thronging crowd not following SD in Soho that’s the problem. Horrendous as it is it isn’t the funeral.

Sparklingbrook · 18/04/2021 07:54

@EverdeRose

It's so very sad that we can go sit in a beer garden with people not of our household but can't comfort each other at a family funeral.

Beer garden is outside. That’s the key thing here. The ‘science’ is that Covid spreads better indoors.

Needcoffeecoffeecoffee · 18/04/2021 08:00

The royal family need to follow the rules and set and example.
I agree with above a funeral has to be treated the same as an indoor event. In fact it's more likely people will be close.
Think of it the other way- would you want test and trace having to ring everyone at the funeral or someone/people to be ill following it or hospitalised? The bereaved family has been through enough without additional stress afterwards

KFleming · 18/04/2021 08:08

@Needcoffeecoffeecoffee

The royal family need to follow the rules and set and example. I agree with above a funeral has to be treated the same as an indoor event. In fact it's more likely people will be close. Think of it the other way- would you want test and trace having to ring everyone at the funeral or someone/people to be ill following it or hospitalised? The bereaved family has been through enough without additional stress afterwards

No but they could allow some sort of “pairing up” system or something, just for those who would otherwise be sitting alone. For example a bereaved spouse could be allowed one of their children, or a sibling, or close friend etc basically as a “support person” for a funeral. The queen had someone in the car with her, which I assume is allowed (because otherwise she wouldn’t have done it). So it seems crazy that she couldn’t have someone sitting next to her in a big chapel.

NellePorter · 18/04/2021 08:08

I watched a funeral online a few weeks ago, and there was no social distancing - people of several different households hugging etc. Which I think is to be expected/allowed in those very sad circumstances.

However, even if the RF were prone to public displays of emotion and affection, I think they would still be expected to be seen to be upholding the rules and setting a good example in front on millions on TV.

ineedaholidaynow · 18/04/2021 08:10

It does seem strange though that now churches can have indoor services they can have more than 30 people in them, but not if they are conducting a funeral service.

Understand the rule for indoor wake, but does seem strange you can’t have more people at the service, although still need social distancing.

If you are meeting people at a pub not in your household/bubble you are still meant to SD but I bet most people don’t.

Sparklingbrook · 18/04/2021 08:12

The ‘pairing up’ suggested is good on paper but people couldn’t be trusted to stick to just one person. How would you even choose? Can you imagine deciding which of you can sit with your Mum/Dad? The blanket rule is there so there’s no grey areas.
The lady in waiting in the car was part of the queen’s bubble but didn’t attend the service as not enough places presumably.

KFleming · 18/04/2021 08:13

If you are meeting people at a pub not in your household/bubble you are still meant to SD but I bet most people don’t.

I agree. And no one really expects you to. Unless the tables are 2m wide it’s not possible, and everyone making the rules will be well aware of that. They just don’t want to say “we know people can’t SD in a pub garden”.

Needcoffeecoffeecoffee · 18/04/2021 08:16

I think you're right. What has probably happened is the government hasnt thought to look at funerals or weddings and think can we do something differently? Can we introduce testing (although would people do it if the risk was non attendance?) Can we have a buddy system like you say. The guidelines are the same as they were before vaccination and quick testing

Halloweenrainbow · 18/04/2021 08:32

It might have been the queen's own decision to sit alone and distanced. She is older and she has a lot of responsibilities. Maybe she would prefer to avoid becoming unwell at this time whilst setting a good example for the public. It was sad to see though.

RoseAndRose · 18/04/2021 08:35

The permitted size of outdoors gatherings was bound to change before those on indoors gatherings

And you can have over twice as many at a wake as you can at a pub table

Roselilly36 · 18/04/2021 08:36

I agree with a PP I think it was what the Queen chose.

Rewis · 18/04/2021 08:41

My grandmother passed away on Friday. In her area the maximum is 6 people to attend the funeral. People can go to a restaurants though so that's awesome.

LakieLady · 18/04/2021 08:42

My DP died at the start of the November lockdown. I could only sit near the family that were in my "bubble", and not hug any of the other 26 people present. It was awful, but I'm not convinced it would have been any less awful if there'd been more hugging.

I think being able to have a wake would have helped though.

KFleming · 18/04/2021 08:43

I agree with a PP I think it was what the Queen chose.

I don’t think people necessarily think she didn’t, just that because it was televised, it was a clear reminder of the rules in general.

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