Ageism on MN

[RockingMyFiftiesNot]

Ok so I expect this thread to be deleted because in part it will be a thread about several threads and mainly because MN has been turning a blind eye towards ageist posts.

Today I learned from MN that over 40s are elderly.
I've also learned that over 50s have lived their lives already and need to step aside to allow the younger generation to live.
I hate the daily mail but actually hope one of their journalists pick this up as MN doesn't seem to care

I think the ideal would be to accept and celebrate every age/life stage. I think older people who say “well I look 10 years younger” or “I still go to gigs” are missing the point. Essentially trying to “prove” they’re still young rather than saying yes I am 50/60 whatever and I have value for who I am now. Not because they’re somehow “keeping up” with younger people.

I’m 50. I look 50. That’s ok. Yes I have “slowed down” compared to my 20’s. In my 20s I could still party all night and work the next day. I couldn’t do that now. Nor would I want to. That’s also ok. 50 is old to someone in their 20s, it just is. The same way someone who is 80 is old to me, except I’m sure there’s plenty in their 80s that still feel young at heart! That’s life.

Covid is a very particular scenario that has brought out the worst in a lot of people. People are also frustrated and fed up and sometimes speak before they think! I’m not sure it should be used as an “accurate” representation of majority views.

YANBU OP

Ageism has been very obvious during the pandemic and it's disturbing (whether one is 40, 50 or 80)

This attitude really annoys me. Luckily I had a brilliant relationship with my grandparents and one great grandparent...all gone now.

My parents reinforced the 'respect your elders' mantra, but I didn't always listen!

Other cultures do genuinely respect and treasure their elders. This is where the life experience sits. Elders can advise on seemingly impossible problems.

Here, everyone thinks everything can be learned from the internet. Not true. I'm still a sprightly young 44 and am gutted the war generation is leaving us. We can still learn a lot from those who remain and from their 70 year old children.

Well said @Meruem

What is new is this pretty shocking entitled attitude and anger towards older people. It’s not from teenagers. It’s from adults. I have seen some appalling attitudes on here but am actually quite grateful to have a window on it. The more light shines on it, the better.

I agree with this. From what I see a lot of teenagers are caring of and interested in older people. It is adults who seem to think the world owes them and that everything wrong is the fault of those older than them.

It is adults who seem to think the world owes them and that everything wrong is the fault of those older than them.

I blame the parents 😉

@Meruem

I think the ideal would be to accept and celebrate every age/life stage. I think older people who say “well I look 10 years younger” or “I still go to gigs” are missing the point. Essentially trying to “prove” they’re still young rather than saying yes I am 50/60 whatever and I have value for who I am now. Not because they’re somehow “keeping up” with younger people.

I’m 50. I look 50. That’s ok. Yes I have “slowed down” compared to my 20’s. In my 20s I could still party all night and work the next day. I couldn’t do that now. Nor would I want to. That’s also ok. 50 is old to someone in their 20s, it just is. The same way someone who is 80 is old to me, except I’m sure there’s plenty in their 80s that still feel young at heart! That’s life.

Covid is a very particular scenario that has brought out the worst in a lot of people. People are also frustrated and fed up and sometimes speak before they think! I’m not sure it should be used as an “accurate” representation of majority views.

How very condescending of you. I don't go to gigs to 'keep up with' anyone. I go to go gigs because its something I've always done and it's part of who I am. I'm not ready for my hairnet yet.

What I've learnt from reading MN is that I am so very grateful that I am who I am, and I am not them. It's all very silly.

Someone actually searched my username and pasted my grand age of 43 to prove a point! I was even disagreeing with them, I was just highlighting that the future in the UK is unlikely to be hell and brimstone.

There is a lot of ageism here but the worst of it does come from the same few accounts. Whenever there’s a post asking about older motherhood they tend to surface and try to beat down the posters by glorifying teen / young motherhood. I don’t think they’re genuine people at all but trolls.

*wasn't

I like what Meruem posted.
I perceive Meruem as mostly speaking for themselves and what aging means for them.

I don't perceive Meruem to be making statements about everyone at the same age as them, but yes about what "aging" tends to mean (at whatever age the changes happen due to aging).

If it's not twits convulsing over the notion they might possibly be middle-aged at 40 or whatever, it's twits blithely writing others off as 'elderly' at 50 and likely to be suffering from dementia.

I blame the parents! We are talking about adults....
I know you’re joking @vannyy but it does kind of sum it up. It’s a teenage attitude except it’s not coming from teenagers.

But why do those teenager adults think like that in the first place?

I doubt their mindset just switched once they became adults.

I actually think that those displaying ageism also have no faith in the 'youth' either, yet they can't see it as they are too wrapped up in ageist thoughts. They paint the youth as victims with no agency, and anyone who doesn't fit into that category as old, selfish and greedy. I haven't meet anyone in real life who think this, young, middle aged, and older.

This thread reminds me of a conversation I had about 18m ago. (?)

Ran into a friend on beach, her young grand-daughter was there with GD's own young son.

I asked indirectly a few questions when I should have said nothing or been very direct. Yes I wanted to know how old the GD was when she had her son. Yes I am nosy, often fascinated at how people's lives pan out.

My friend may have heard "lljkk is judging my grand-daughter for being a teenage mother!" That would be my friend projecting HER own age-related prejudices or expectations of other peoples opinions onto me.

What I was actually thinking was "It's marvelous you can be involved, are still close, provide so much support, get to know your D-GGS well and have input to his life, especially when you're still young yourself so have the energy to be actively involved" Should I mention ? that my mother, both grandmothers & some of my childhood friends were all pregnant before they were 18. I don't think less of any of them for it.

I thought about sharing those thoughts but it seemed wrong to say any of it like my friend's grand-daughter needed a defence she didn't. She was fine in her life events or choices.

I suppose what I'm saying is figure out who is actually prejudiced in any specific conversation. People project so much of what they think words mean when the speaker never meant that...

@Icenii

I actually think that those displaying ageism also have no faith in the 'youth' either, yet they can't see it as they are too wrapped up in ageist thoughts. They paint the youth as victims with no agency, and anyone who doesn't fit into that category as old, selfish and greedy. I haven't meet anyone in real life who think this, young, middle aged, and older.

I actually think a lot of ppl who put up posts like this ARE middle aged but haven’t done as well as expected for whatever reason and so are having a moan about baby boomers.

According to mumsnet 'elderly neighbours' are automatically in the wrong and doubly so if they have lived in the street a long time. I guess that's why our (slightly) younger neighbours consistently park across my drive even when they are clearly blocking our cars from accessing the road.

And why our next door neighbour is unable to grasp the fact that the dividing fence is ours and she can't knock it down to put up a 'nicer' one and she definitely can't tell us what we are allowed to grow up it.

its not acceptable as a solution to race or religion based negative comments,why is it ok for people who are older?

Exactly

I wish I'd seen that thread about over 50s having lived their lives. Mine paused at 31 and at nearly 50 I have hell of a lot more living to do. I've been busy raising two children who think I'm past it

@Northernsoullover

I wish I'd seen that thread about over 50s having lived their lives. Mine paused at 31 and at nearly 50 I have hell of a lot more living to do. I've been busy raising two children who think I'm past it

It's not just one thread @Northernsoullover else I'd just have ignored it. It's a recurring theme. Mainly on COVID threads but yesterday's over 40s being elderly comments were in a thread completely unrelated to COVID.

@SylvieHortensis

MNHQ are ageist - they created Gransnet for the over 50s. It's grim and fortunately hasn't taken off.

I had a quick look at that and left. I am in my 60s and not (and never likely to be) a Granny, however I will always be a mum.

Sometimes we get threads on MN complaining that the posters on GN have prejudices the MNers can't tolerate. "MNHQ should do something!" goes the complaint.

As someone with minority views, these stories about GNers not sharing MN approved views make GN sound quite attractive.